# Last rites **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2011, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523 "2011-12-17T12:53:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bonematter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Bonematter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonematter)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/1 "2011-12-17T12:53:52Z")
Ok so Your on your death bed the doctors say you only have minutes left to live, you’ve been an atheist all your life. The doctor says your permitted one vistor your only choices are man who says hes Christ and wants to pray with you or another visitor who says they want to pleasure you beyond your wildest dreams and most sensual fantasies for the remaining minutes of your life. Who do you chose, why? ---
**Author:** ![sevenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@sevenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sevenwood)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/2 "2011-12-17T12:59:05Z")
Just my luck - the two then start arguing amongst themselves as to who got there first, leaving me to die alone. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/3 "2011-12-17T13:04:49Z")
Depends on if she swallows. …what? ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/4 "2011-12-17T13:18:25Z")
The nutcase or the nutcase who wants to have sex with me? Such a hard choice. I’ll go with the sexy time. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/5 "2011-12-17T14:06:37Z")
Quite honestly I would ask my heavenly Father, and it could go either way. And the Lord could be living and working through either one. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/6 "2011-12-17T14:28:53Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Quite honestly I would ask my heavenly Father, and it could go either way. And the Lord could be living and working through either one. For you I thought they’d be one and the same. “A madman who thinks he’s Jesus wants to pray with me? This is the happiest day of my life!” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/7 "2011-12-17T14:42:25Z")
Sex: good. Religion: bad. The choice: obvious. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/8 "2011-12-17T14:52:03Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Sex: good. Religion: bad. The choice: obvious. Until you confuse the issue at the very end when you scream out “Oh God, I’m coming!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/9 "2011-12-17T14:52:47Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Sex: good. Religion: bad. The choice: obvious. Not always-a lot of fun can be had with a preacher’s daughter(or son). ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/10 "2011-12-17T15:00:33Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Not always-a lot of fun can be had with a preacher’s daughter(or son). Billie-Jo or Billy-Joe respectively. ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/11 "2011-12-17T15:21:26Z")
WTF? I’d ask for a sane doctor first. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/12 "2011-12-17T15:29:06Z")
\*\<“Christ” walks into the room\> \\* Patient: " ‘If you meet Christ on the road, kill him!’ " Doctor: “No, that’s _Buddha!_” Patient: “…Oops.” ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/13 "2011-12-17T16:01:54Z")
I doubt sex is on a person’s mind in the last minutes of life. I would take the person who says he’s Christ to hold my hand and have some quiet reflection time. I would ask “Christ” to pray silently for me so I could be with my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/14 "2011-12-17T16:01:57Z")
How about neither. I have no need for either of those things and would want my last few minutes to be as peaceful as possible. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/15 "2011-12-17T16:05:36Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Sex: good. Religion: bad. The choice: obvious. Unless you have a big time medical fetish, I really doubt you’re going to get it up while in a hospital bed, with tubes running everywhere, and knowing you’ve got minutes to live. I’d ask the doc to get rid of the god-botherer and the hooker, and please give me another hit of morphine to help me enjoy the ride. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/16 "2011-12-17T16:20:37Z")
I’m having trouble with the idea of having a sexual encounter, as I’m dying of some horrible painful cancer, or some such, out of my head with meds and pain killers, my pale ass hanging out of a shitty hospital gown, ivs in my arms, necrotizing bacteria eating my flesh, as I haven’t showered for weeks or months, lying there in my fetid sick deth sweat, desperately fighting for just one more gasp of air… One more gasp of air, suffocating… No, I don’t think I would be in the mood for a hummer. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/17 "2011-12-17T16:39:14Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > I’m having trouble with the idea of having a sexual encounter, as I’m dying of some horrible painful cancer, or some such, out of my head with meds and pain killers, my pale ass hanging out of a shitty hospital gown, ivs in my arms, necrotizing bacteria eating my flesh, as I haven’t showered for weeks or months, lying there in my fetid sick deth sweat, desperately fighting for just one more gasp of air… One more gasp of air, suffocating… > > No, I don’t think I would be in the mood for a hummer. Yeah, pretty much. WTF kind of question is this. I’m going to want my family there, not some random stranger with a fucked up agenda (of whatever kind.) ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/18 "2011-12-17T16:43:23Z")
The 2nd person, no contest. Unless Jesus gives great blowjobs ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/19 "2011-12-17T17:06:29Z")
Well, I have always wanted to rape and murder Jesus… ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/20 "2011-12-17T17:12:05Z")
The hypothetical needs to be defined more. Is it this universe, where I can be reasonably certain that today’s theism is just more mythology? Or is it part of the hypothetical that Christianity is true, and there’s good reason for me to believe the guy actually is Christ? And as other have pointed out, it’s doubtful most people are horny on the deathbed. For the sake of the hypothetical, perhaps it would be better to make so the person is healthy but will be executed tomorrow. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523.md?page=2)