# Last rites **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2011, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523 "2011-12-17T12:53:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/21 "2011-12-17T17:22:43Z")
If you’re an atheist, you’re not going to be inclined to have your last few minutes consumed by a deluded person claiming to be a god. Or is this a slap at the strawman atheist, the valueless hedonist whose lack of a belief system crumbles at the onset of imminent mortality? And if not, will any last minute god or prophet or avatar do? If your basis for atheism is rational, wanting a happy ending isn’t enough to justify a belief in that desired happy ending. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/22 "2011-12-17T17:34:54Z")
Having a three way is on my bucket list, so bring 'em both on. Am I somehow the only person dying at this moment? Why would Jesus be spending his time with me, the atheist? Seems like a raw deal for those who have spent their lives in service to him. Unless they just get the blowjobs. I suppose it’s kind of like those great deals that your cable company always offers to new customers only. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/23 "2011-12-17T17:47:35Z")
God’s everywhere so Christ can pray for me out in the hall. Send in the bimbo. ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/24 "2011-12-17T18:04:11Z")
Perhaps a threesome? ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/25 "2011-12-17T18:22:19Z")
I’d go with the one who knows the difference between \*your \*and _you’re_. ---
**Author:** ![tmarcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a6a055/32.png) [@tmarcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tmarcl)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/26 "2011-12-17T18:55:29Z")
I’d choose the guy who says he’s Christ. As others have said, being in a hospital bed with tubes and such attached to me, it’s unlikely I’d be able to enjoy the super-hooker. On the other hand, assuming my brain was functioning, I’d hold off the praying and have one hell of a discussion with the other guy, especially if he was convincing enough to pull off being an actual first century Gallilean, and the biblical Jesus to boot. Marc ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/27 "2011-12-17T19:25:49Z")
> [@cerberus](#): > > If your basis for atheism is rational, wanting a happy ending isn’t enough to justify a belief in that desired happy ending. That line is a lot funnier if you apply the [NSFW definition found at Urban Dictionary](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=happy+ending). ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/28 "2011-12-17T19:30:55Z")
There’s also the matter of orgasm as petit mort, the little death. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/29 "2011-12-17T20:21:35Z")
> [@sevenwood](#): > > Just my luck - the two then start arguing amongst themselves as to who got there first, leaving me to die alone. My luck is that they would hook up and go off together, leaving me to die in a state of horny sin. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/30 "2011-12-17T20:49:08Z")
I’ll take the death-hooker, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/31 "2011-12-17T21:34:07Z")
First one wants to waste my last few minutes with pointless bs. The second wants to get her freak on with me. How is this even a question? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/32 "2011-12-17T22:51:49Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > First one wants to waste my last few minutes with pointless bs. The second wants to get her freak on with me. How is this even a question? +1. Except that I’d hope that the second one is a guy. I probably wouldn’t be able to achieve orgasm if I’m hooked up to tubes and such, but I could probably use a good cuddle, even in a hospital bed. The only reason I’d want to talk to someone who claimed to be Jesus would be to troll the living shit out of him. I wouldn’t want to pray, I’d want to know the answers to some questions, like why the hell we have chiggers and fleas and mosquitoes? Why do humans have brains if we’re not supposed to use them? And why, why, WHY is there not more smiting going on? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/33 "2011-12-17T23:04:52Z")
> [@Bonematter](#): > > Ok so Your on your death bed the doctors say you only have minutes left to live, you’ve been an atheist all your life. > The doctor says your permitted one vistor your only choices are man who says hes Christ and wants to pray with you or another visitor who says they want to pleasure you beyond your wildest dreams and most sensual fantasies for the remaining minutes of your life. Who do you chose, why? The problem is that there’s a lot of Christians who believe the world is divided up into two groups: people who openly say they’re Christians and people who secretly believe in Christianity but don’t want to admit it out loud. As far as they’re concerned all it takes is a good scare, like being in a foxhole or a deathbed, and those reluctant Christians will open up and admit they believe in Jesus. It doesn’t work like that. An atheist is no more likely to convert on his deathbed than a Christian is. If you were a devout Christian on your deathbed, how would you react to an Imam showing up and offering you a last chance to become a Muslim? I’m not hostile to religious believers. If you want to pray for my soul, I’ll thank you for the good intended gesture even if I don’t think it’s accomplishing anything. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2011, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/34 "2011-12-17T23:08:02Z")
Actually, can I have the satisfaction of _killing_ the deluded Christ-fan? I’m gonna die in a few minutes anyway, so what the heck. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/35 "2011-12-18T01:16:15Z")
> [@Bonematter](#): > > Ok so Your on your death bed the doctors say you only have minutes left to live, you’ve been an atheist all your life. > The doctor says your permitted one vistor your only choices are man who says hes Christ and wants to pray with you or another visitor who says they want to pleasure you beyond your wildest dreams and most sensual fantasies for the remaining minutes of your life. Who do you chose, why? I don’t care if it ends up meriting my first ever warning, but I have to say it: This is the stupidest no-brainer choice I have ever encountered in my ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. I will not give you an answer or explanation for it. You KNOW what my answer is, and if I even begin to contemplate how I might justify it to someone who did not immediately understand my choice, MY HEAD MIGHT EXPLODE. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/36 "2011-12-18T01:17:32Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Quite honestly I would ask my heavenly Father, and it could go either way. And the Lord could be living and working through either one. _splat_ ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/37 "2011-12-18T01:35:12Z")
The OP is a form of poll, not a thesis to debate. Moving from Great Debates to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/38 "2011-12-18T01:39:57Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > For you I thought they’d be one and the same. “A madman who thinks he’s Jesus wants to pray with me? This is the happiest day of my life!” Actually that could be fun, but then again the other choice would be. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/39 "2011-12-18T01:46:53Z")
If I HAD to choose, I’d pick the guy claiming to be Christ, only because I’d have no interest in having sex with some random person in my dying moments. How messed up would that be? The Christ guy could at least keep me company and laughing, especially if he actually believed he WAS Christ. I’d ask him to perform some miracles for me and laugh at his excuses for why he couldn’t perform any. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523/40 "2011-12-18T01:53:43Z")
I love that everyone assumes that “pleasure… beyond your wildest dreams and most sensual fantasies” is a blow job. I would hope to have far more ambitious expectations in the circumstances. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-rites/606523.md?page=3)