# Last thing you said to an inanimate object, machine, or computer? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630 "2008-07-16T01:52:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/1 "2008-07-16T01:52:40Z")
“In English, dammit!!!” – To an ATM screen. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/2 "2008-07-16T02:00:14Z")
“Well, don’t just sit there beeping at me, TAKE A PICTURE YOU STUPID THING!” To my Nikon Coolpix L16 camera, because it wasn’t behaving as it should in closeup mode. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/3 "2008-07-16T02:04:08Z")
“Fucking fuck FUCK fuck you” to an overly large gauge of screen door spline and the “tool” supposed to “work” with it. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/4 "2008-07-16T02:05:16Z")
All afternoon today I asked smoke detectors to _please_ trip so I could move on to the next one to prove to the Fire Marshal that they were actually working correctly. 89 detectors later, the Fire Marshal was satisfied ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/5 "2008-07-16T02:06:11Z")
“Die with festering boils, you rotten piece of shit, and take your corporate masters with you on your journey to hell!” To the Comcast cable modem that just don’t wanna achieve block synch. To be fair, though, I suspect it’s actually a dicky head end and not the modem itself but it was here and it’s not like the damned thing has feelings to be hurt, right? Oh, and just now–“SPACE BAR, SPACE BAR!! I HIT THE FUCKING SPACE BAR SO WHY WILL YOU NOT TYPE A SPACE?” To my laptop… I do this a lot… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![MizTina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MizTina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizTina)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/6 "2008-07-16T02:13:00Z")
To my computer at work “Oh, you _wretched_ son of a bitch!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/7 "2008-07-16T02:22:35Z")
“What if a guy started pulling a few plugs?” To a Novell server. ---
**Author:** ![gnome42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ebca7d/32.png) [@gnome42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnome42)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/8 "2008-07-16T02:25:32Z")
“You fucking stupid bastard _WORK_ !” – To a development system after fixing the same code for the fourth time today. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/9 "2008-07-16T02:30:08Z")
[QUOTE=SmartAleq] “Die with festering boils, you rotten piece of shit, and take your corporate masters with you on your journey to hell!” [/QUOTE] May I use that without paying royalties? ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/10 "2008-07-16T03:35:07Z")
“That does NOT make sense!” as I rummaged on my hands and knees for some weird-ass size of paper that I didn’t even know existed to feed into the maw of the network printer. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/11 "2008-07-16T03:42:17Z")
Do other cars in video games count? If so, during a race on GTA San Andreas, “What the fuck?! You’re slowing yourself down too, jackass!” ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/12 "2008-07-16T04:51:13Z")
Hmmm, that would be either “Shut up already!” to an alarm on a freezer that wasn’t or “Run you bastard.” to an analyzer. Both were muttered yesterday at work but I can’t remember the exact sequence. There are just too many damn talky instruments in the lab these days. If I met one that quietly ran my specimens and left me alone I’d buy it dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/13 "2008-07-16T05:22:20Z")
“Of course I didn’t need those files, why would I?” after a Borland product (_sigh_) decided to, while crashing, save 0 bytes to random source files. Said in a bemused fashion only, as SVN’s got my back every day of the week. As a change from the unrelenting hostility in the thread, I always thank the motion-sensor light in my yard when I get home and it turns on as I walk up the path. No idea why. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/14 "2008-07-16T05:58:07Z")
“Fuck!” to the cornered edge of the brick molding around my girlfriend’s fireplace, which is, strangely, inside her bedroom, and which is boarded up with wood because the flue was destroyed, after I smashed my elbow into it while trying to unplug the charging cable from my laptop. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/15 "2008-07-16T05:59:32Z")
To MSN Live Messenger, after accidentally knocking out my internet and then getting it going again. ‘Oh, what the hell? That error makes no sense\*, and everything else is working, why won’t you?’ - It really didn’t - according to the MSN Live help page, the error it was giving me wasn’t even _possible_. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/16 "2008-07-16T06:04:39Z")
“Thank you,” to a coffee machine. I began, “Can I have a large container of coffee?” - Tom, piphilologist ---
**Author:** ![Reepicheep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@Reepicheep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reepicheep)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/17 "2008-07-16T06:06:08Z")
Does “I want to talk to a person, please” count when speaking to the automated voice on the telephone? If not it was “I hear you, I hear you” to the car beeping that I had turned off the motor while the lights were still on. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/18 "2008-07-16T06:23:23Z")
“Record the fucking call if you must; just answer the god damned thing and let me talk to a god damned real live human fucking being who is able to converse in English.” Addressed to any number of computerized telephone answering devices. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/19 "2008-07-16T06:25:58Z")
“You fucking useless piece of shit.” Said to a computer monitor in reference to a failing application. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630/20 "2008-07-16T06:41:51Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] May I use that without paying royalties? [/QUOTE] Help yourself, invective flows like water around me for some reason… 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/last-thing-you-said-to-an-inanimate-object-machine-or-computer/456630.md?page=2)