# Lawyers: want to pay off ex-wife **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 9, 2018, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621 "2018-07-09T23:45:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/21 "2018-07-10T03:30:39Z")
> [@Gary\_T](#): > > I’m not a lawyer, and I haven’t seen the order that I assume is paraphrased here, but there is a difference between paying for _n_ months and paying _x_ amount. Do you know with absolute certainty that your plan won’t come back to bite you for failing to make payments during (not FOR, but DURING) the expected months? That… is an excellent point. I just went back to review, and the pertinent MSA\* paragraph reads, with redactions: > [@](#): > > 1. Spousal Support: Pursuant to the \, **Exhibit B** , Husband shall pay to Wife the monthly sum of $xxxx temporary spousal support effective \. By way of this Agreement, effective \, the aforementioned spousal support provision shall become long-term spousal support order in accordance with the terms and conditions as stated herein, such that effective \, Husband shall pay to Wife the monthly sum of $sameAmountAsAbove in long-term, non-modifiable, spousal support. Husband shall continue to pay to Wife the monthly sum of $sameAmountAsAbove in non-modifiable spousal support, regardless of either party’s change in circumstances, for the next n years, until \. So yes. A lump sum could be cast to not satisfy a months @ $ / month agreement that adds up to the same amount. MSA = Marriage Separation Agreement. A contract we both signed, and was court approved. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/22 "2018-07-10T03:32:16Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I honestly can’t tell if you’re being serious or not. Sorry, I was absolutely serious. I can’t even tell how I was signalling flippancy. 😕 Your idea was a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/23 "2018-07-10T03:33:44Z")
And why are you specifically asking lawyers for advice? You’re asking lawyers on a message board for legal advice, possibly on the variation of an existing court order by agreement of the parties. In your jurisdiction, can the parties voluntarily agree to change a court order? I have no idea. You seem to be assuming you can, and it’s just about the receipt. But what if you can’t voluntarily change a court order, and need to go back to court to have that done? I have no idea what the answer to that question in your jurisdiction is, but you might want to check it out. Like **Krav Manga** , I’m not licensed in your jurisdiction and I’m not giving you advice; I have no idea what the law is in your jurisdiction. But what’s the harm in asking a lawyer your question, in real life, in your jurisdiction, and getting legal advice, backed up by indemnity insurance? Instead, you’re asking lawyers on an anonymous message board for legal advice. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/24 "2018-07-10T03:35:21Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Sorry, I was absolutely serious. I can’t even tell how I was signalling flippancy. 😕 Your idea was a good one. It came off as a bit sarcastic, at least when read with the rest of the thread. No big deal. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/25 "2018-07-10T03:38:04Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > It came off as a bit sarcastic, at least when read with the rest of the thread. No big deal. 🙂 Very sorry, didn’t mean to leave that impression in the least. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/26 "2018-07-10T03:41:59Z")
Well, hell. I guess I’ll just duck this and hand her 10 checks dated for the next 10 months. Which fulfills the agreement and makes me look like a dick, which wasn’t what I was going for. I just wanted to surprise the woman with a check and get this nonsense behind us, go back to sparring over college fees :)🙂 ETA Fair disclosure just getting out from under this regime is a nice surprise for me too. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/27 "2018-07-10T03:43:03Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > In your jurisdiction, can the parties voluntarily agree to change a court order? I have no idea. This seems like one of those things, where as long as everyone is fine with it, it’s okay because no one will ever know. For example, when my ex and I first got divorced there were certain things she got concerned about (switching around who has the kid on which days or who pays for what) because they were all written into the divorce decree. I could be wrong, but I told her that all that really means at this point is that if there’s a problem, the judge (or the cops or whoever mediates) is going to tell us to revert back to what’s written on that paperwork. But we’re civil and no one is going to make a surprise visit from the courthouse to make sure the right parent has the kid on the right days. ---
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/28 "2018-07-10T04:56:49Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Well, hell. I guess I’ll just duck this and hand her 10 checks dated for the next 10 months. Which fulfills the agreement… Are you sure? If it were me, I’d hand her a check every month for the next 10 months, just like the agreement says. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/29 "2018-07-10T05:06:20Z")
> [@robby](#): > > Are you sure? If it were me, I’d hand her a check every month for the next 10 months, just like the agreement says. I can’t hand her a check, she lives 3 hours away now. Since then, she’s lost 50% of the checks I’ve sent. If I could just hand her checks, we wouldn’t be discussing this. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/30 "2018-07-10T05:11:04Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Well, hell. I guess I’ll just duck this and hand her 10 checks dated for the next 10 months. Which fulfills the agreement and makes me look like a dick, which wasn’t what I was going for. I just wanted to surprise the woman with a check and get this nonsense behind us, go back to sparring over college fees :)🙂 > > ETA Fair disclosure just getting out from under this regime is a nice surprise for me too. Just for clarification, I was saying that you could hand her all the checks and have her cash them right now (so they would all have today’s date). If they have they’re post dated, she’s probably even more likely to lose them. I just wanted to make sure you would satisfy anything along the lines of N payments of $x due by the 10 of each month. 10 checks should satisfy that just fine. The concern that I and a few others had was that if you combine it into one lump sum, you could go awry of that. The 10 checks, I’d think would be okay, even if she cashed them all today (plus you’ll have a cancelled checks that add up to (quantity and dollar amount) the agreement. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/31 "2018-07-10T05:21:09Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Just for clarification, I was saying that you could hand her all the checks and have her cash them right now (so they would all have today’s date). If they have they’re post dated, she’s probably even more likely to lose them. I just wanted to make sure you would satisfy anything along the lines of N payments of $x due by the 10 of each month. 10 checks should satisfy that just fine. The concern that I and a few others had was that if you combine it into one lump sum, you could go awry of that. > The 10 checks, I’d think would be okay, even if she cashed them all today (plus you’ll have a cancelled checks that add up to (quantity and dollar amount) the agreement. I agree, that satisfies the spirit of the agreement. And I may just do that: 10 checks dated all the same day. Put each month + “Sp Support” in the memo line, and the final one says that plus “Final Payment” or something. I’m just concerned I’d run afoul of the “x $ support per month until x date” clause. Yes, it very likely falls under the “if everyone agrees, it’s not a problem” rule, and I think you’re very probably right with that one. I’m just covering the scenarios. ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/32 "2018-07-10T07:22:41Z")
If the real issue here is that the wife keeps losing the checks, I don’t see anything in the quoted language that requires payment by check. Just open an account for you and for your wife at the same bank. Arrange to have the bank transfer $x from your account to her account on the designated day each month. Your bank statement will be proof of payment. No more lost checks. That should require no modification of the agreement or court order (but ask a lawyer in your state). Not all banks will be willing to arrange for an automatic monthly transfer, so you might need to inquire at a couple of banks. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/33 "2018-07-10T12:43:52Z")
I’d want to continue paying monthly all the while hoping she’d slip and fall in the bathtub, ending the need for further checks. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/34 "2018-07-10T13:33:45Z")
“Satisfaction of Judgement” is what you may need … this is what I had my ex-wife sign (with a notary) and then filed it with the court records … this may not be a “contract” in the normal sense, rather a Court Order … IANAL and the laws of Oregon may not be the same as in California … this is a public record that says you owe her the money, and if that’s all the public record says, then you can see where this might come back and bite you in the ass years down the road … just came upon this last year with a real estate deal, half million almost lost because someone didn’t follow through … ETA: The State Child Support Enforcement Agency may be available to “escrow” alimony payments … keeps everything above board if you think the ex will try to get creative … ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/35 "2018-07-10T13:39:19Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > I can’t hand her a check, she lives 3 hours away now. Since then, she’s lost 50% of the checks I’ve sent. If I could just hand her checks, we wouldn’t be discussing this. I don’t mean to be rude or nosy, but why the hell is grown woman losing 50% of her checks? Something seems fishy about that, just saying. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/36 "2018-07-10T13:46:32Z")
Any chance she might ever re-marry? At which point, hopefully, it’s written in your agreement that payments stop. And you wouldn’t want to have paid an unnecessary amount up front. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/37 "2018-07-10T13:55:18Z")
Send ten post dated payments via registered mail. Easiest and best idea, I think. You can watch each one clear, and have proof she received them! Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/38 "2018-07-10T14:14:53Z")
> [@watchwolf49](#): > > “Satisfaction of Judgement” is what you may need … this is what I had my ex-wife sign (with a notary) and then filed it with the court records … this may not be a “contract” in the normal sense, rather a Court Order … IANAL and the laws of Oregon may not be the same as in California … this is a public record that says you owe her the money, and if that’s all the public record says, then you can see where this might come back and bite you in the ass years down the road … just came upon this last year with a real estate deal, half million almost lost because someone didn’t follow through … FWIW, whenever I hear someone say 'well sure you can sue them, but you’ll never collect, that’s basically what I tell them. Back in college I sued one of my roommates for about a grand. He sent me a check a few days later, I cashed it and never gave it a second thought. About 10 years later I get a call from his wife asking me to write a letter stating that they had paid me. Turns out they were hitting a road block trying to buy a house because of that. Part of me wanted to ignore them, but some quick poking around showed that if I didn’t file that and they could prove that they paid me, I would have been out quite a bit more money. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/39 "2018-07-10T14:33:05Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Send ten post dated payments via registered mail. Easiest and best idea, I think. > > You can watch each one clear, and have proof she received them! > > Good Luck! Are post-dated checks even a thing? I stopped accepting checks at work years ago (best move I ever made), but when I did I was under the impression that the date was meaningless. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2018, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621/40 "2018-07-10T15:23:43Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I don’t mean to be rude or nosy, but why the hell is grown woman losing 50% of her checks? Something seems fishy about that, just saying. I think it’s incompetence, not malice. Did I mention the time our power got cut off for non-payment (she paid our bills at that time)? There were three unopened “pay up or else!” mailings hidden in a pile on her desk. She never saw them because she paid the electric bill electronically (or so she thought, but had forgotten to actually do so). This happened twice. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lawyers-want-to-pay-off-ex-wife/817621.md?page=3)