# Leading while dancing **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 17, 2012, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187 "2012-05-17T07:53:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/1 "2012-05-17T07:53:35Z")
When two people are (slow) dancing, how can you tell who’s “leading”? ---
**Author:** ![fumster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/2 "2012-05-17T08:35:21Z")
The man ---
**Author:** ![DearestDane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@DearestDane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DearestDane)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/3 "2012-05-17T09:49:18Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > When two people are (slow) dancing, how can you tell who’s “leading”? Dancing with someone is like having a conversation. The lead may change at any given time. ---
**Author:** ![Sandra\_Battye](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sandra_battye/32/552_2.png) [@Sandra\_Battye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sandra_Battye)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/4 "2012-05-17T14:41:30Z")
Are you asking as a participant or as an observer? If you are a participant, the person who decides when/how the dance goes, when/how the turns happen, etc. If you are an observer, usually the man, or the person who takes the man’s traditional hold. This may not hold true for beginners. If you are talking about a “high school” slow dance where two people hug and move their feet every now and then, usually no one. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/5 "2012-05-17T15:05:04Z")
It meant more before the 1960s, when dancers still held on to each other. The lead is usually the man, who places one hand (usually the right) in the small of his partner’s back to guide her. The woman would put her free hand on the man’s shoulder. A woman can lead, too. Check the hand position: the one dancing lead has his or her hand on the other person’s back. ---
**Author:** ![Mikemike2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikemike2/32/305_2.png) [@Mikemike2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikemike2)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/6 "2012-05-17T16:34:55Z")
If you are doing social ballroom dancing, someone has to lead, and it is usually the man. Of course any lady ballroom instructor can take the lead to show how the man’s part is supposed to be done. It is the lead that keeps the couple in the line of dance, hopefully not bumping into other couples, and indicates when to take a turn or other pattern. As far as the lead changing at any time, that is not something I have ever really experienced. Choreographed dancing (like you see on dance shows) may have a bit less lead and follow, because the routine is already known and rehearsed. With social lead and follow, the partner doing the following does not know what is coming up next, and gets the signals from the lead. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/7 "2012-05-17T17:02:04Z")
> [@fumster](#): > > The man Yes, but which one? ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/8 "2012-05-17T17:24:45Z")
Sandra-I meant as an observer. And yes, I meant the “male” role. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/9 "2012-05-17T18:27:00Z")
As others have said, it’s the hand placement when they’re in close. When they’re dancing in a more open formation, it’s tough to tell unless you really know what you’re looking for. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/10 "2012-05-17T18:30:04Z")
Since it’s the lead’s job to make the follow look good, the better looking person is usually the follow. ---
**Author:** ![sliv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@sliv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sliv)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leading-while-dancing/622187/11 "2012-05-17T19:15:28Z")
Another thing to look for in social ballroom is where the ladies left hand is. If it’s on top of the gent’s shoulder, he’s probably leading. If it’s resting on his shoulder blade, then she’s probably leading. (And the gent is probably learning/less experienced.)