# League of Extraordinary...G.I. Joes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 7, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631 "2009-08-07T14:16:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/1 "2009-08-07T14:16:52Z")
We’ve done a few things like this in the past, and in honor\* of the new GI Joe movie coming out in a coupla days, I’ve got a new project for everyone—name some new members for the GI Joe (and/or Cobra) team…“League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” style. The rules: 1. New characters have to be from Earth, by most appearences human, and active in the modern day (say, 1975—Present) 2. **No overt superpowers**. This is GI Joe,\*\* not the Justice League. So, no one with any powers or abilities so beyond human capability so as to completely blow suspension of disbelief (even as it is, with lasers and ninjas and whatnot). —And, frankly, I’m on the fence as to the subject of “depowered” super-characters, or ones with fairly small freakish features or abilities that could be rationalized fairly easily. I’ll see how it goes. 1. At the minimum, we need the character, some note of their recommendation/qualifications, and a possible code name. Writing a [pithy filecard](http://www.yojoe.com/filecard/83/tripwire.shtml), a la the action figures would be great, but not required. And for the record, the setting is the cartoon/comics, circa 1982—present. So…my own picks? Let’s start with— • **Pete Mitchell—“Maverick”** Fighter pilot, the “best of the best.” Still dangerous. Any other children of the 80s want to join in? 🙂 \*Cough cough, snicker-choke. \*\*“The nation’s _most_ elite counter-terrorist team with the _least_ oppressive dress code!” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/2 "2009-08-07T15:38:43Z")
**Philo Beddoe - "Gridiron"** Bare-knuckle fighter, best on the West Coast. Stopped fighting and started teaching. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/3 "2009-08-07T15:56:34Z")
John Rambo–“Roid Rage” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/4 "2009-08-07T16:11:29Z")
**Angus MacGyver - "Junk"** Gadgeteer. Can build anything if supplied with the right junk. ---
**Author:** ![ArizonaTeach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/45deac/32.png) [@ArizonaTeach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArizonaTeach)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/5 "2009-08-07T16:12:52Z")
Michael Weston, Counter-Intelligence. Code Name: “Burn Notice.” Perry Cox, Medic. Code Name: “Scrubs” Dominic Toretto, Mechanic. Code Name: “Furious” I’d sneak Gil Grisson in there, too, but can’t quite put my finger on it. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/6 "2009-08-07T16:20:38Z")
> [@ArizonaTeach](#): > > Michael Weston, Counter-Intelligence. Code Name: “Burn Notice.” > > Perry Cox, Medic. Code Name: “Scrubs” > > Dominic Toretto, Mechanic. Code Name: “Furious” > > I’d sneak Gil Grisson in there, too, but can’t quite put my finger on it. Grissom’s codename would be “Bugsy.” ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/7 "2009-08-07T18:30:45Z")
[Patrick Jane](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Jane), Mentalist. Codename: “Eyes”. Team him up with [John McClane](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McClane).Codename: Hmmm…“Cowboy”? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/8 "2009-08-07T18:45:43Z")
> [@Love\_Rhombus](#): > > [Patrick Jane](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Jane), Mentalist. Codename: “Eyes”. > > Team him up with [John McClane](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McClane).Codename: Hmmm…“Cowboy”? Indeed. Special Weapons and Tactics? ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/9 "2009-08-07T20:28:08Z")
David, infiltration and weapons, codename: Solid Snake Veteran of several dangerous infiltration missions, Solid snake is you first choice when stealth and secrecy is required. Straight to the point, his only weakness is overly long expositions. Dr. Hal Emmerich, whiner, codename: Otacon A scientist or something. A kind of moron that deliberately includes faults in multibillion dollar military projects. Should be wearing diapers. Mei Ling, save lady, codename: For the love of god, shut the **FUCK** up! Stay away at all cost. Unless you really like Chinese proverbs. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/10 "2009-08-07T21:05:55Z")
Jack Bauer. Codename “Minuteman.” Expert in interrogation and infiltration. The other Joes may sometimes criticize his methods, but there’s no doubt he gets the job done, as he seems to never sleep. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/11 "2009-08-07T21:17:33Z")
If Jack Bauer gets in, then so should Chloe O’Brien. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/12 "2009-08-07T21:21:15Z")
Let’s not forget Colonel John Matrix. We can give him a simple codename like, I dunno, “Commando.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/13 "2009-08-07T21:55:30Z")
**Carrot Top - "Jester"** Explosives expert and all-around annoying pain in the ass. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/14 "2009-08-07T22:40:57Z")
Michael Weston – Code Name: Burn Notice Former spy who joined the Joe team after getting burned. Works for the Joes while he attempts to uncover who burned him… and why. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/15 "2009-08-07T22:42:28Z")
For the sake of thoroughness, one should include Rocky Balboa, code name “Rocky”. Personal Combat Instructor. Sadly, my best efforts for real life members of a covert action team all date back to the 40s. Asimov, DeCamp, Heinlein, Feynman, Turing as the obligatory Brit, and Von Neumann. The Brooklyn Navy Yard Boys plus the Manhattan Project. Led by General Leslie Groves, of course. Hm… Of course: Remo Williams - “Destroyer”. Commando. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/16 "2009-08-07T23:01:55Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > For the sake of thoroughness, one should include Rocky Balboa, code name “Rocky”. Personal Combat Instructor. Can we also have John Rambo? Oh, and I think that Emma Peel should be the new Cover Girl. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/17 "2009-08-07T23:03:09Z")
Oh, and I think that all four core members of the A-Team should also be recruited. Most of them already have their codenames. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/18 "2009-08-07T23:31:33Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > For the sake of thoroughness, one should include Rocky Balboa, code name “Rocky”. Personal Combat Instructor. Heh. You know how crazy this one is? [They were actually planning on doing it!](http://www.yojoe.com/archive/unproduced/rockybalboa.shtml) Oh, 'nother one… •Hawke, Stringfellow. “Airwolf” Special Operations Aviation. (Codename picked [del]for marketability[/del] on the rationale that the [vehicle he _pilots_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airwolf_(helicopter)) is also known as “The Lady”) ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/19 "2009-08-07T23:40:46Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > Can we also have John Rambo? Ahem. Look upthread. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631/20 "2009-08-07T23:55:54Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > Heh. You know how crazy this one is? [They were actually planning on doing it!](http://www.yojoe.com/archive/unproduced/rockybalboa.shtml) That’s no crazier than [Sgt Slaughter](http://www.yojoe.com/action/85/sgtslaughter.shtml) and [Rowdy Roddie Piper](http://www.yojoe.com/action/07/rowdyroddypiper.shtml). Or [the Fridge](http://www.yojoe.com/action/86/fridge.shtml). Apparently, there was a Buzz Aldrin fig, too, but I can find no proof of that, save a Wikipedia mention. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/league-of-extraordinary-g-i-joes/505631.md?page=2)