# Learn and use the Man-Rules when it comes to showers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2007, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756 "2007-12-20T22:03:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/61 "2007-12-21T17:38:48Z")
[QUOTE=Sauron] Point of order, **Slypork** : It’s difficult to keep bars of soap in a gym bag without the soap suds lunging out all over the place and getting everything all goopy. The body-wash stuff is a happy compromise, in my mind. And I NEVER use the daffodil-smelling stuff at the gym … only at home, when I want to feel special and pretty. **Oredigger77** : But what if the guy had agreed? _ **Then** _ I’m between a rock and hard place. [/QUOTE] Sorry, I don’t buy your excuse. I use something like [this](http://www.organize.com/trsodicl.html) to carry my soap. A real man is never afraid of dropping the soap in the shower because his hands are rough and calloused, capable of making a one handed grab of a football so he can score the winning touchdown. If you are still concerned about sending the wrong message, drill a hole through the soap and put some twine through it. This is distinctly different from “soap on a rope” because: 1. it demonstrates your inherent manly ingenuity to solve a potential problem 2. it exhibits your proficiency with hand tools, another hallmark of a true heterosexual man and, 3. it shows your toughness because you are willing to put up with the abrasiveness of twine versus the smoothness of nylon rope. I, of course, am a real man and don’t have to resort to these methods. ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/62 "2007-12-21T17:58:43Z")
[QUOTE=Bearflag70] 5 military guys at one shower head? Simultaneously? There must have been interesting dancing going on to avoid “incidental” contact. [/QUOTE] I thought the U.S. military had a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, which I think your question violates 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/63 "2007-12-21T18:04:30Z")
[QUOTE=Slypork] I, of course, am a real man and don’t have to resort to these methods. [/QUOTE] Tell me about it! When I start getting too stinky, I just club a bear to death, skin it, and swap out my old loincloth. Oh, wait, that isn’t shower day, that’s laundry day. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/64 "2007-12-21T18:04:55Z")
[QUOTE=Sauron] But what if the guy had agreed? _ **Then** _ I’m between a rock and hard place. [/QUOTE] Well only if the walls of your shower are made out of rock. But thems the chances you take when you play gay chicken. By the way, I don’t want any one relating this to me playing smear the queer when I was a kid. These are just games I played; I seriously just don’t care about a person’s sexuality. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/65 "2007-12-21T18:08:14Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] In Army basic the shower room was kinda like this: 1…2 3…4 5…6 with partitions in between but no shower curtains. Partitions, you say? What a luxury! Except we were at least 30 guys with maybe 30-45 seconds for the whole lot of us to shower and you DID have to shower so that’s like 5 guys/shower head. Personal man space? Not so much. [/QUOTE] You young whippersnappers have it so easy. When I was in basic we had one bathroom for an entire barracks. The urinal was a single, long, low trough. The toilets were in a row with no partitions. The shower was an alcove in the corner. There were always a bunch of guys hanging out in the “latrine” doing nothing but talking (I think). But we survived, and became the nation’s fearsome fighting men! And we _liked it!_ Not really. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/66 "2007-12-21T18:35:35Z")
[QUOTE=Ravenman] Tell me about it! When I start getting too stinky, I just club a bear to death, skin it, and swap out my old loincloth. Oh, wait, that isn’t shower day, that’s laundry day. [/QUOTE] I was referring to what to do when I go to the gym. Not a “health club” or “fitness club”. Real men don’t work out in any place that also does cardio or spin classes. Aerobics, yoga and pilates are tolerable but only if the man can watch the women performing the exercises while he is working with the free weights. No real man participates in those kinds of activities, either. Any male that does so must immediately sign up for a vocal coach so he can learn showtunes and Judy Garland’s greatest hits. Showers at home involve water so hot that the dirt is actually steam blasted off of your skin, followed immediately by switching to freezing cold water that puts a layer of frost across your scalded flesh. If there is no hot water because a woman used it all up (:rolleyes: typical female), a real man can take cold showers without complaint, except to bitch to the woman that she used up all the f’ing hot water again. The other option is to just skip the shower completely. Do not attempt to mask your natural musk with cologne, though. Women are attracted to the pheromones a real man produces during a hard day’s work. And, of course, real men go camping and hunting and think nothing of either washing in a freezing mountain stream or of not bathing at all for however many days/weeks/months that they are out in the wilderness. Any bathing, though, must be solitary or at least 30 feet away from each other (this only applies in grizzly territory). Pissing in the water so you get the downstream guy is not permitted and will immediately result in your getting your ass kicked (as soon as all parties are dressed, of course). And if anyone so much as mentions _Brokeback Mountain_, even in a disparaging way, they will be beaten to a bloody pulp, tied to a tree and left for dead. No questions asked. ---
**Author:** ![Skylark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Skylark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skylark)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/67 "2007-12-21T18:55:20Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] In Army basic the shower room was kinda like this: 1…2 3…4 5…6 with partitions in between but no shower curtains. Partitions, you say? What a luxury! Except we were at least 30 guys with maybe 30-45 seconds for the whole lot of us to shower and you DID have to shower so that’s like 5 guys/shower head. Personal man space? Not so much. [/QUOTE] In the Navy boot camp went kind of like that. The set-up of shower heads was a little different, and we had 80some guys to get through, but the game was still the same. It didn’t take so long for people to break down their inhibitions tho. I mean, we didn’t have any Slip n’ Slides going on like in high school or anything, but we did get pretty relaxed. Pump 'n Dump time was a highlight of the day; only time you could get away from the RDCs (drill instructors) and be chatty. Hell, some of the best buddies I had in boot camp I met carrying on a conversation with each other in neighboring shitters. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/68 "2007-12-21T19:12:38Z")
When somebody crowds me in the shower at the gym, I have found that slapping him across the face with my penis gets me all the room I need. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/69 "2007-12-21T19:29:12Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup] When somebody crowds me in the shower at the gym, I have found that slapping him across the face with my penis gets me all the room I need. [/QUOTE] Oh, wow! I have THAT movie, too! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/70 "2007-12-21T19:30:43Z")
[QUOTE=Omniscient] You know, this just makes me angry. How much do we spend on Defense and we can’t even afford enough showers? Body armor be damned. [/QUOTE] The Army does skimp on living accommodations, and it seems a bit rough and dehumanizing at times especially for young, new, single soldiers, although it’s gradually getting better. But in defense of Basic Training conditions it actually makes sense. You’re got 30+ guys from all different backgrounds and you need to quickly break down their inhibitions and get them to work quickly and efficiently as a team. Keep in mind too, part of the reason we had to shower so fast is because that shower room had to be scrubbed clean and polished all dry & shiny before we left the barracks for breakfast and it’s a lot easier to cycle 30 guys through a small shower room and clean it than to clean a large 30-shower head shower room to inspection standards. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/71 "2007-12-21T20:04:56Z")
[QUOTE=Acid Lamp] Farting loudly or possibly pouring shampoo into your eyes comes to mind. [/QUOTE] Ooh, perfect tactic! Lather up your face, then start screaming “Ahhh! My eyes, it burns!” Then run screaming from the shower stalls to the sinks, and finish rinsing using tons of paper towels at the sink while chanting “Next time, baby shampoo” over and over again to yourself. Dignity intact 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Iggins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Iggins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggins)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/72 "2007-12-21T20:53:43Z")
If anyone needs a refresher course: [The Urinal Game](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/urinal) I got 100% the first time. I had friends who did not. I avoid bathrooms with them. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/73 "2007-12-21T21:26:35Z")
I think you guys have it easy. Similar, but more complicated problems occur in the women’s shower. Such as, there I am showering away, keeping my eyes front and center, no peeking or sly glances at the equipment on display. Then I turn around to rinse off my back and across from me is a taller woman “looking” me right in the eye. So I demurely look down only to be confronted by another anatomical display. I tell you there’s no safe place to look in the women’s shower. :eek: [sub]And no you can’t have a cite.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/74 "2007-12-21T21:36:12Z")
[QUOTE=Encinitas] I think you guys have it easy. Similar, but more complicated problems occur in the women’s shower. Such as, there I am showering away, keeping my eyes front and center, no peeking or sly glances at the equipment on display. Then I turn around to rinse off my back and across from me is a taller woman “looking” me right in the eye. So I demurely look down only to be confronted by another anatomical display. I tell you there’s no safe place to look in the women’s shower. :eek: [sub]And no you can’t have a cite.[/sub] [/QUOTE] Aw…no cite? Come on, what’s with the teasing? ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/75 "2007-12-21T21:56:04Z")
At my gym, we have partitioned showers with curtains, and shelves for our shampoo, conditioner, etc. Why, I could be doing all sorts of things behind that curtain…and you’d never know… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/76 "2007-12-21T21:58:29Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] Why, I could be doing all sorts of things behind that curtain…and you’d never know… 😉 [/QUOTE] Oh, we know. We’ve been behind that curtain. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![wheelie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b4bc9f/32.png) [@wheelie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheelie)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/77 "2007-12-21T21:59:30Z")
[QUOTE=Slypork] it exhibits your proficiency with hand tools, another hallmark of a true heterosexual man [/QUOTE] Well now, I wouldn’t count on _that_. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/78 "2007-12-21T23:50:57Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] I don’t understand. Excepting POW torture scenarios, hippie nudist colonies and those people in National Geographic, are you saying there is another kind of interaction available when two or more people are simultaneously naked? [/quote] Well yeah. There’s basically just hangin’ out, being dudes & stuff. > [@](#): > > Because Man Code (nay – manly _genetics_) clearly dictates that anything more than an accidental glance at a human’s naked form is an explicit statement of intention to have sex with that person. Hm. I’m pretty sure you’re kidding, as this is a humorous thread. You are kidding, aren’t you? Seeing someone and looking at them is different then leering at them - which is a loaded behavior even fully clothed. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/79 "2007-12-22T00:02:40Z")
[QUOTE=jayjay] Oh, wow! I have THAT movie, too! 😃 [/QUOTE] Ok, that’s enough out of you! I’ll bring the popcorn. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756/80 "2007-12-22T01:49:38Z")
I would like to add that for bar soap Grandpas Pine Tar Soap is acceptable. It is black and smells of bonfire. If you need a liquid smelly soap Dr Bronner’s Peppermint is fine. Looking straight up is not a bad choice. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-and-use-the-man-rules-when-it-comes-to-showers/430756.md?page=5)