# Learn how to park your gleaming new car, asshole, and stop with the insurance fraud **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277 "2003-02-06T19:00:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/1 "2003-02-06T19:00:50Z")
No, you loser-- just because your car alarm went off when my door tapped your car doesn’t mean any scratches on it are my fault. If you park 5 inches from everyone’s driver-side door, I bet you got keyed. Now, go turn yourself in to the police for making a false accident report, and when the insurance company turns down your claim, I hope the cost of restoring your paint job means your husband docks your allowance, you stuck-up self-righteous suburban whore. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/2 "2003-02-06T19:08:05Z")
Sounds good, how about a lil more background. ---
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/3 "2003-02-06T20:11:46Z")
Loser jerk parks her new Subaru “Outback” (as if) so close it is physically impossible to get into my car without tapping (I mean it) her car. Her hair-trigger alarm goes off, and she, in earshot (like the rest of the state) comes down and asks if I know what happened to make her alarm go off. I tell her, and she (apparently) takes down my license plate and goes down to the police station. There is just no way that I scratched her car. Physically impossible. It was a tap, and neither car was moving. And she has rubber thingies on her door. Nonetheless, I get a call from a police officer saying she says I scratched her car and she’s filed an accident report. What a loser. I can only guess she had some previous damage she hopes my insurance will pay for. Fat chance. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/4 "2003-02-06T20:14:55Z")
Sounds like a bitch, good luck! ---
**Author:** ![BURNER](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@BURNER](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BURNER)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/5 "2003-02-06T20:25:32Z")
Your only course now is REVENGE!!!Find where she lives and go set her car alarm off all night. If she filed an accident report , then all you need is a copie because her address will be on it. Then get a bit of rope to tie to her bumper. Then you just give it a good tug to make the car wiggle a bit and laugh as she comes running out side every 10 mins. It helps if the rope is long ehough so that you can stay out of sight while you set off her alarm. An alternative would be to warm up some crisco and put it into a spray bottle. Keep the bottle warm enough to keep the crisco liquid. Then under the cover of darkness , spray a thick coat of liquid crisco on all of her windows. The cold air will make it sloidify again, but it will look like ordinary window frost. Unfortunately for her it is IMPOSSIBLE to get off by scrapeing or using the windshield wipers. THe only thing that will get it of is lots of hot soapy water. It isnt destructive, just irritateing. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/6 "2003-02-06T20:30:02Z")
Could you let us know when you grow up, **BURNER**? Thanks. Sorry that happened to you, **nogginhead** - one of my most frequent annoyances is when someone parks so close that it’s impossible to open my car door without bumping their car. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/7 "2003-02-06T20:32:32Z")
**BURNER** , I think you’re off [your medication.](http://216.232.71.251/~larry/miscpics/stfu.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/8 "2003-02-06T20:33:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BURNER \* > \*\*… Unfortunately for her it is IMPOSSIBLE to get off by scrapeing or using the windshield wipers. THe only thing that will get it of is lots of hot soapy water. It isnt destructive, just irritateing. \*\* Ah BURNER, you know what I’ve found? The best revenge is spelling well. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/9 "2003-02-06T20:33:43Z")
Oh, I don’t know, **lno** , I kinda liked the Crisco idea. Nothing’s wrong with a little revenge now and then. ---
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/10 "2003-02-06T20:40:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by D\_Odds \* > \*\*Oh, I don’t know, **lno** , I kinda liked the Crisco idea. Nothing’s wrong with a little revenge now and then. \*\* I feel the same way, but I’m trying to reform. I’m sticking with suggesting to my insurance company that the claim is fraudulent and letting her get _herself_ into trouble. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/11 "2003-02-06T20:46:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nogginhead \* > \*\*I feel the same way, but I’m trying to reform. I’m sticking with suggesting to my insurance company that the claim is fraudulent and letting her get _herself_ into trouble. \*\* I agree. If that doesn’t work, then find out where your insurance guy lives and … ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/12 "2003-02-06T21:55:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BURNER \* > \*\*An alternative would be to warm up some crisco and put it into a spray bottle. Keep the bottle warm enough to keep the crisco liquid. Then under the cover of darkness , spray a thick coat of liquid crisco on all of her windows. The cold air will make it sloidify again, but it will look like ordinary window frost. Unfortunately for her it is IMPOSSIBLE to get off by scrapeing or using the windshield wipers. THe only thing that will get it of is lots of hot soapy water. It isnt destructive, just irritateing. \*\* [sub]… searching the files … lessee here … 9th grade … [/sub] Ah! Here we are … The Crisco trick you detail above can also be performed with Speed Stick or any similar deodorant product. Or so I’ve heard. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/13 "2003-02-06T22:21:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BURNER \* > \*\*Your only course now is REVENGE!!!Find where she lives and go set her car alarm off all night. If she filed an accident report , then all you need is a copie because her address will be on it. Then get a bit of rope to tie to her bumper. Then you just give it a good tug to make the car wiggle a bit and laugh as she comes running out side every 10 mins. It helps if the rope is long ehough so that you can stay out of sight while you set off her alarm. > > An alternative would be to warm up some crisco and put it into a spray bottle. Keep the bottle warm enough to keep the crisco liquid. Then under the cover of darkness , spray a thick coat of liquid crisco on all of her windows. The cold air will make it sloidify again, but it will look like ordinary window frost. Unfortunately for her it is IMPOSSIBLE to get off by scrapeing or using the windshield wipers. THe only thing that will get it of is lots of hot soapy water. It isnt destructive, just irritateing. \*\* You might as well go ahead and leave a flaming bag of shit on her doorstep. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/14 "2003-02-06T22:43:25Z")
Ha _ha!_ Because then you ring the _bell_, and she comes out and sees the _fire_, and she _stomps_ on it to put it out, and now she’s got _shit_ on her _foot!_ Oh that’s rich. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/15 "2003-02-07T00:59:07Z")
> [@](#): > > “Revenge is a dish best served cold” “Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/16 "2003-02-07T01:28:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nogginhead \* > \*\*Loser jerk parks her new Subaru “Outback” (as if) so close it is physically impossible to get into my car without tapping (I mean it) her car. \*\* _The Dukes of Hazzard_ used to do it all the time. ---
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/17 "2003-02-07T02:33:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jackmannii \* > \*\*_The Dukes of Hazzard_ used to do it all the time. \*\* Yes, but they had to impress Daisy. You could tell they didn’t enjoy doing that at all. Plus, my windows were closed (it being New England in February) and I’d still have had to climb onto the roof to get in… ---
**Author:** ![BURNER](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@BURNER](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BURNER)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/18 "2003-02-07T03:10:55Z")
For **lno** , **jarbabyj** ,and **Larry Mudd**. Its not like I suggested takeing her lug nuts or seting her car on fire. It is just a couple of practical jokes fer christ sake!! I am glad you found the sticks I lost this moring, now would you kindly take them out of your asses. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/19 "2003-02-07T04:50:59Z")
C’mon! Pranks are funny! I myself would just burn down her house. In seriousness though, I don’t see a lot of harm in talking about pranks that will just about guaranteed not be executed, if it helps someone release some steam about something they got heated about. Cocoa powder is your friend by the way… ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277/20 "2003-02-07T15:12:33Z")
I just thought I would mention that I found myself laughing out loud at a post for the first time ever when I read **Cervaise** ’s. Thank you. I guess it was something about the italics. (snork) (snork) (giggle) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-park-your-gleaming-new-car-asshole-and-stop-with-the-insurance-fraud/153277.md?page=2)