# Learn how to use your computer, damnit! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 8, 2000, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719 "2000-03-08T06:26:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AuraSeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/21 "2000-03-12T04:40:00Z")
**Michael Masterson** wrote: > [@](#): > > Wow that school sounds easy compared to Virginia tech, where I usually go. > P.S. Lexi don’t piss me off, im an accomplished hack And to your left, ladies and gentlemen, you will see a very fine specimen of _Newbius Idioticus_. Note its small size, immature behavior, and utterly powerless limbs. Though utterly incapable of harming any creature, this tiny beast reacts aggressively when confronted. It immediately puffs up its feathers, rushes forward toward the threat, and screams its loud call: “I’m a hacker! I’m a hacker!” On rare occasions, this is actually successful in frightening the attacker somewhat; but far more often, the show of force is completely ignored, and the poor little _Idioticus_ is revealed for the defenseless little nothing that it is. One might suspect that a creature with such weak natural defenses would quickly go extinct, but _N. Idioticus_ is actually one of the most ubiquitous species in existence. Some zoologists attribute this to a high reproductive rate, but this view is quite controversial, as every _Idioticus_ studied has been completely incapable of successfully interacting with females. Now let’s move along to the next stop on the tour, ladies and gentlemen. Please remain seated and keep your hands and arms inside the tram. * * * “Continued from lower abdomen” Winner, SDMB Sexiest Male Winner, Best Photo In Profile (male) ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/22 "2000-03-12T09:00:00Z")
Well, Lexicon hasn’t been back so maybe MM did frighten him off. Missing apostrophes are a sure sign of an accomplished hack. Certainly Lex is smart enough to know this. There is an excellent article entitled “No Silver Bullet” by Frederick P. Brooks, originally published in Information Processing '86 that explains in more detail the points SingleDad was making about the complexity of computer programming. It’s certainly enough to give me pause before swearing at every “bug” my computer seems to have. I’ve found that in programming, of the times I shout obscenities at the computer, it’s about even between my stupid mistake and the compiler just sucking. I still do it though, and probably always will (assuming that I’m not in a terribly public area). ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/23 "2000-03-12T15:10:00Z")
Dude, mike, hach away, nimrod. I don’t even own a computer, so you can hack me all you want. How are you gonna hack what ain’t there, jackass? I don’t know you. I don’t like you. I’m not your friend, your bud, your pal, your enemy, or your babysitter. I am your total fucking stranger, so just forget about me, okay? There is nothing you can do to me, and I can do nothing to you. As far as being scared is concerned, scared of what? An accomlished hack? What’s he gonna hack, my blender? My microwave? Go ahead and try to hack my hotmail account, dork ass. I’m almost interested to see what happens. Try to hack this system at work. You don’t even know where that is, do you? Do you even know who you’re dealing with? You couldn’t hack your way into an etch-a-sketch, fucko. Just give it up, you’re not fooling anyone. Everyone else, thanks for posting something relevant and theraputic. And yo, Konrad! Wutup? long time no see. * * * “Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.” ---
**Author:** ![crackwise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/22d042/32.png) [@crackwise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crackwise)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/24 "2000-03-12T17:47:00Z")
MM: > [@](#): > > Wow that school sounds easy compared to Virginia tech, where I usually go. _usually go_? Is going to school like dropping by your favorite drinking hole? Maybe you stop by, maybe you don’t. A few days at Virginia Tech (for the tour) then the next semester at the local community college. Accomplished hack. You got that right. Moron. * * * ~handcrafted signatures since 1975~ ---
**Author:** ![M2Lepton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@M2Lepton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/M2Lepton)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/25 "2000-03-16T06:14:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Do you even know who you’re dealing with? That MM guy would answer with, (which I totally agree with), A LOSER. ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/26 "2000-03-16T06:27:00Z")
That MM guy got his ass booted, but since he can hack so good, he got back on as M2Lepton. But oh yeah, you’re absolutely right. I’m the loser, here. Yeah. That’s me. Dumbass. * * * “Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.” ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/27 "2000-03-16T14:45:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Lexicon: > **You couldn’t hack your way into an etch-a-sketch, fucko.** Lex, you made me spit hot chocolate all over 'cause I was laughing so hard! Dammit! 😉 Can I borrow that line sometime? * * * Carpe Jugulum ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719/28 "2000-03-17T01:06:00Z")
## Be my guest, bud. That dipshit, who is now back as M2Lepton, really gets on my nerves. I hope he gets banned again soon. “Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/learn-how-to-use-your-computer-damnit/4719.md?page=1)