# Least Likely Causes of Death in Elephants **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 27, 2004, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288 "2004-09-27T12:00:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/81 "2004-09-28T03:20:44Z")
Breast cancer from using antipersperant with aluminum in it. Flesh eating disease from Costa Rican bananas. Explosion of a gel candle while trying to set the mood for Mrs. Jumbo. Didn’t see his doctor when his Cialis caused an erection that lasted more than 4 hours. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/82 "2004-09-28T03:30:09Z")
Blown to bits in Burma by William Holden. After the capsize of their yacht. “Disappeared” during a Stalinist purge. Bladder burst after drinking too much without going to the bathroom. Saying “Rosebud”. During a match of billards. Shot by security after attempting to steal the Crown Jewels. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/83 "2004-09-28T04:02:22Z")
Shot down over Germany during a dogfight in WWII. Failed to pass on that chain letter within 72 hours. Did not keep his hands and feet inside the ride at all times. [MST3K] A rogue coolie snaps a tether and kills an elephant! [/MST3K] Nibbled to death by ducks. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/84 "2004-09-28T12:16:58Z")
Botched Borg Assimulation Drowned to death in Florida during hurricane season. Shot to death by irate shopper after trying to sneak in express lane with more than 10 items. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/85 "2004-09-28T12:20:13Z")
A drive-by fruiting. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/86 "2004-09-28T12:38:52Z")
A fall from the uneven parallel bars during Olympic competition. The parachute that didn’t open. Shooting himself in the head with a gun loaded with blanks. A blow to the head while demonstrating how to use nunchucks (sp?). ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/87 "2004-09-28T13:27:55Z")
As an innocent bystander at a Mob hit. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/88 "2004-09-28T14:40:01Z")
Political assassination. Happened to be on Alderaan on the wrong day. Killed when the Earth is demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Plane crashes in the Andes, and gets eaten by the survivors. An accident involving a time machine, a rubber band, and a contraceptive. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/89 "2004-09-28T14:54:32Z")
Eating rancid peanut butter Choking on a fluffernutter sandwich Shot while trespassing in a peanut field The tree he was hiding in while painting his toenails red is chopped down by illegal loggers Impersonating a mouse on vacation ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/90 "2004-09-28T14:57:00Z")
Does something to really piss off PETA. Shot to death by anti-abortion fanatic while getting health services at Planned Parenthood. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/91 "2004-09-28T15:12:39Z")
Lost in the luggage transfer system at Denver airport. Sent to Murmansk in January when the rest of the party was going to Kenya. Overtaken by a wall of molasses. Couldn’t get out of the back seat of the Mini. Allergic to hyenas. Liked peanuts. I mean, he liked them a _lot_, he was eating them all the time and not even taking the shells off and one day he just choked, it was horrible… Hit a moose on the Trans-Canada Highway. Not Enough Sunscreen. Couldn’t factor x[sup]2[/sup] + 2x + 1. Mafia hit after leaving footprints in the wrong stick of butter. Couldn’t get down from orbit. ---
**Author:** ![TastesLikeBurning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@TastesLikeBurning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TastesLikeBurning)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/92 "2004-09-28T15:15:15Z")
Gets stuck in a phonebooth and starves to death while making a Subscriber Trunk Dialling call… ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/93 "2004-09-28T15:22:19Z")
Peritonitis following the weekend-long fisting festival. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/94 "2004-09-28T15:29:10Z")
Mysterious fall down an elevator shaft. Learned secret of life, then brain exploded. Necktie caught in shredder. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/95 "2004-09-28T15:36:40Z")
Infection caused by third-degree burns suffered while stomping out flaming ducks. ---
**Author:** ![BadBadger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BadBadger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBadger)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/96 "2004-09-28T15:47:36Z")
Mistaken for a fox by the East Devon hunt… ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/97 "2004-09-28T16:02:15Z")
Pounded to death by the Chuckles the Clown Appreciation Society. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/98 "2004-09-28T16:26:23Z")
In the battle of the Pelennor Fields Accidentally stumbles into the 4th dimension. Hacked to death with a kitchen knife Cipher pulls his plug. Sphagettified after passing the event horizon. Killed while trying to escape. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/99 "2004-09-28T16:39:32Z")
Embarrassment ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/100 "2004-09-28T16:45:36Z")
Bumped into Thomas Edison [when he was in a really bad mood](http://www.fact-index.com/t/to/topsy_the_elephant.html) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288.md?page=6)