# Least Likely Causes of Death in Elephants **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 27, 2004, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288 "2004-09-27T12:00:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/141 "2004-09-29T18:34:35Z")
Bee sting ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/142 "2004-09-29T18:38:14Z")
Threw the pin instead of the grenade. Transporter accident. Caught in a stampede in front of a department store the day after Thanksgiving. “They made my foot into a _what???_” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/143 "2004-09-29T18:53:52Z")
The Fonz fails in his attempt to jump over the elephant on his motorcycle, killing both of them, thus coining a new internet phrase for tv series that end badly. [cough] Seinfield [cough] ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/144 "2004-09-29T19:05:02Z")
Taunted Happy Fun Ball. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/145 "2004-09-29T19:09:15Z")
Exploded over the skies of Lakehurst, New Jersey: “Oh, the pachydermity!” ---
**Author:** ![Runestar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@Runestar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runestar)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/146 "2004-09-29T19:18:40Z")
Struck in the head by a plummeting D. B. Cooper. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/147 "2004-09-29T19:49:56Z")
Walks into a spinning propeller during a fistfight with Indianna Jones. ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/148 "2004-09-29T19:58:14Z")
Crushed by a house sized anvil dropped by a flying monkey named Sven on February 29th. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/149 "2004-09-29T20:07:35Z")
> [@Debaser](#): > > Crushed by a house sized anvil dropped by a flying monkey named Sven on February 29th. Now _that’s_ un-fucking-likely. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/150 "2004-09-29T20:13:09Z")
Disgruntled former Postal Worker rampage. Jabbed by AIDS-infected needle while looking for change in pay phone. Went into the basement of the Blair Witch house. Crossed Marsellus Wallace, just once. Had a speaking role in “Reservior Dogs”. Opened the seal on the ancient Egyptian tomb. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/151 "2004-09-29T20:14:33Z")
Chronic use of tobacco products ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/152 "2004-09-29T20:26:23Z")
Marijuana Overdose. Well-placed baseball to chest. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/153 "2004-09-29T20:31:12Z")
Had sex at Camp Crystal Lake. Hitched a ride with James Dean. Ate Raw Cookie Dough. Picked at a scab. Struck down by Vader, became more powerful than you can know. Got an infection from an unsterilized telephone. Took a shower at Bates Motel. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/154 "2004-09-29T21:16:24Z")
Wrote one memo too many. Got onto an argument on the New York subway. Had a run-in with a ‘[technical](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technical)’ in Mogadishu. Couldn’t parse input. Sunlight. Kites. And a dream. Took _both_ pills. Tried out for Olympic sprinting. Went up against the Bunnies. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/155 "2004-09-29T21:17:46Z")
Flamed out while test-piloting an experimental aircraft. Elephants are _very good_ pilots. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/156 "2004-09-29T21:19:19Z")
Spontaneous Pachyderm Combustion. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/157 "2004-09-29T21:52:24Z")
Stephen Hawking’s new Unified Field Theory has no allowance in it for elephants. They _all_ cease to exist. Coughed, sneezed & farted at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/158 "2004-09-30T02:12:15Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Taunted Happy Fun Ball. This is my new favorite. Darn, somebody used an anvil. I was going to use one to celebrate my name change. Oh well … Purchases too many clearance sale items from ACME. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/159 "2004-09-30T02:31:20Z")
Hacked to death by Mexican lancers while trying to escape the Battle of the Alamo. Burnt to death in a film vault fire. Was dealt the “dead man’s hand” at poker. Paid a social visit to William Desmond Taylor at the worst time possible. Got trapped in Death Valley with McTeague. While saying “They couldn’t shoot Gen. John Sedgwick at this distance”. Supported the losing side in the Allen-Benny Feud. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-likely-causes-of-death-in-elephants/266288/160 "2004-09-30T02:52:18Z")
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