# Least romantic love songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 11, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027 "2009-03-11T02:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/1 "2009-03-11T02:00:04Z")
My nomination here is special. It’s a fragment of a song, I heard it once, in _second grade_, and I still remember it distincly enough to pronounce it the Least Romantic Love Song I have ever heard on the radio, now or then. The soul-stirring chorus? “ **You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.** ” Aw, how sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/2 "2009-03-11T02:07:29Z")
Least romantic love song by someone who has written some very good romantic love songs:"Why Don’t We Do It In the Road? (by the Beatles) ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/3 "2009-03-11T02:25:28Z")
“You’re Feets Too Big” by Fats Waller ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/4 "2009-03-11T02:35:06Z")
“I’ll Get You” by the Beatles. > [@](#): > > So I’m telling you, my friend, > That I’ll get you, I’ll get you in the end, > Yes I will, I’ll get you in the end > > Well, there’s gonna be a time, > Well I’m gonna change your mind. > So you might as well resign yourself to me They’re pretty much saying “You know we’re going to end up together, so you might as well get used to the idea.” Yeah, that’s real sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f19dbf/32.png) [@Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Only_Mostly_Dead)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/5 "2009-03-11T02:40:19Z")
The Police: “Every Breath You Take” It’s a song about a stalker that gets chosen as “our song” at weddings and for prom themes. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/6 "2009-03-11T03:07:10Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > “ **You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.** ” Aw, how sweet. That’s The Bloodhound Gang. That’s what they do. They’ve also written a song titled “A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying” with the line “I never knew missing children could be so sexy.” Anyway, if we’re listing songs like that, I nominate “Kiss Me, I’m Shitfaced” by The Dropkick Murphys. It’s every bad line used in a bar worked into a singable pub song. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/7 "2009-03-11T08:21:33Z")
Mine would be either Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw (Jimmy Buffet) Or Fuck Her Gently : (Tenacious D) Ones that mean something to my relationship personally though are Fat Bottom Girls (Queen) and Stuck in the Middle with You (Steeler’s Wheel) XD ---
**Author:** ![Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abby_Emma_Sasha)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/8 "2009-03-11T09:37:37Z")
> [@Only\_Mostly\_Dead](#): > > The Police: “Every Breath You Take” > > It’s a song about a stalker that gets chosen as “our song” at weddings and for prom themes. I can’t ever, ever listen to this song because it reminds me of a horrible time. Back in the day I liked the actress Rebecca Schaeffer because she was quirky pretty and talented to boot. I expected many good projects from her. When she was killed her murderer’s trial was the first one I saw on what was then Court TV. He was found guilty, and sentenced accordingly, but what I recall chillingly was that at the break, someone had the bright idea to play that _Police_ song and that was horrifying in itself. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/9 "2009-03-11T09:54:45Z")
We’ve got tonight. Who needs tomorrow. I know your plans don’t include me… ---
**Author:** ![Mojo\_Pin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mojo\_Pin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo_Pin)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/10 "2009-03-11T12:58:50Z")
[Cactus](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w8NgvDf4aM) by the Pixies is certainly in the running with its obsession and desperation. fixed url ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/11 "2009-03-11T13:02:35Z")
The Outkast song, Hey Ya? ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/12 "2009-03-11T13:08:31Z")
“Me and my old lady, have been together too long, like a worn out recording, of a favorite song.” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/13 "2009-03-11T13:22:19Z")
“I Put A Spell On You” is one of the great non-romantic love songs, especially when sung by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins (who originated it): \*I put a spell on you Because you’re mine Stop the things that you do Watch out, I ain’t lyin’ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you anyhow And I don’t care if you don’t want me I’m yours right now\* One recorded Hawkins version I have (featuring a female soul chorus) culminates with Hawkins making a bunch of realistic farting noises\*, which adds immeasurably to the romance. Another favorite is Genesis’ “Counting Out Time” in which the singer is wooing his beloved with the aid of a sex manual: \*I’m counting out time, hoping it goes like I planned it, 'cos I understand it. Look! I’ve found the hotspots, Figs. 1-9. - still counting out time, got my finger on the button, “Don’t say nuttin - just lie there still And I’ll get you turned on just fine.”\* Love is wonderful. \*a talent heard to full effect on “Constipation Blues”. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/14 "2009-03-11T13:37:59Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > My nomination here is special. It’s a fragment of a song, I heard it once, in _second grade_, and I still remember it distincly enough to pronounce it the Least Romantic Love Song I have ever heard on the radio, now or then. > > The soul-stirring chorus? “ **You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.** ” Aw, how sweet. Christ, this makes me feel old. The album this song is on was released in early 2000, and I think I recall hearing it when I spent a semester in college in Australia in '99. That was only 10 years ago. Yet this kid is referring to _second grade_ as if it were a lifetime ago. Sigh. Get off my lawn. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/15 "2009-03-11T13:40:31Z")
Even though it’s meant to be tongue in cheek, [A Kiss With A Fist](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpsDegqioVA) by Florence and the Machine probably qualifies for this thread. (I suppose it’s too soon to make a joke about Rihanna doing a cover version, right?) ---
**Author:** ![davekhps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@davekhps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davekhps)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/16 "2009-03-11T13:48:56Z")
“Muskrat Love.” _Especially_ the Captain & Tennille version. Oh, and yes: “I Used To Love Her [But I Had To Kill Her]” by Guns & Roses. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/17 "2009-03-11T14:05:13Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > “I Put A Spell On You” is one of the great non-romantic love songs, especially when sung by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins (who originated it): > (snip) > One recorded Hawkins version I have (featuring a female soul chorus) culminates with Hawkins making a bunch of realistic farting noises\*, which adds immeasurably to the romance. Oh, please, _PLEASE_ tell me where I can find that version! ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/18 "2009-03-11T14:29:25Z")
One ought not to overlook the magnificent, heartfelt, romantic sensibilities of R. Kelly when he sang “You remind me of my Jeep.” ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/19 "2009-03-11T14:47:17Z")
> [@Only\_Mostly\_Dead](#): > > The Police: “Every Breath You Take” > > It’s a song about a stalker that gets chosen as “our song” at weddings and for prom themes. Yeah, but “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” is even creepier. Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” is about a guy who gets stoned at a party and has to have his girlfriend or wife drag him home. Really romantic, that. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/20 "2009-03-11T15:42:05Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Oh, please, _PLEASE_ tell me where I can find that version! I bought it from Itunes. According to the album cover art that downloaded with it, it’s on “The Blues Archive” featuring Screamin’ Jay and Elmore James (although the cover art doesn’t always accurately indicate what album the selection is from). There are several versions of “I Put A Spell On You” by Hawkins listed on Itunes, including the original and subsequent recordings. If you have access to Itunes and can listen to an excerpt, the version you want has Hawkins opening the number with various grunting and slobbering noises, after which he launches into the song (with the chorus coming in at intervals, mostly to sing the one word “Spell”). The farting is at the end (sorry). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027.md?page=2)