# Least romantic love songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 11, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027 "2009-03-11T02:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/21 "2009-03-11T15:43:23Z")
Toby Keith - [I’m just talkin’ about tonight](http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/keith-toby/im-just-talkin-about-tonight-10137.html) “I’m not talking 'bout hooking up and hanging out… I’m just talking 'bout tonight.” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/22 "2009-03-11T15:47:21Z")
Something about the tender love ballad [Lorraine](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au8PhQ87cFw), by Bad Manners, warms the cockles of my heart. (“When I find her, I’m gonna kill her…”—but it all ends happily) ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/23 "2009-03-11T15:49:08Z")
Strokin’! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/24 "2009-03-11T16:05:36Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > That’s The Bloodhound Gang. That’s what they do. They’ve also written a song titled “A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying” with the line “I never knew missing children could be so sexy.” The lyric is a blatantly obvious reference to two Cole Porter songs “Let’s Misbehave” and “Let’s Do It.” Neither is a love song: they are sex songs. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/25 "2009-03-11T16:06:22Z")
The Smiths - “Girlfriend in a Coma” - “There were times when I could have strangled her.” Of course, roughly 90% of The Smiths songs could fit this category. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@Alan\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Bird)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/26 "2009-03-11T18:00:47Z")
Richard and Linda Thompson, "“I’ll regret it all in the morning.” ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/27 "2009-03-11T18:21:19Z")
Poison - Every Rose Has Its Thorn. Because it’s Bret Michaels. 50 Cent - 21 Questions. Best line: “I love you like a fat kid loves cake” ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/28 "2009-03-11T18:23:43Z")
How about Possum Kingdom by the Toadies? I do think of it as romantic in a kind of vampiric way (no, I don’t read Twilight damnit!!!) but for some it might be creepy. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/29 "2009-03-11T18:35:37Z")
For a song that’s meant to be a love song, from Brad Paisley “Ticks” “Cause I’d like to see you out in the moonlight I’d like to kiss you way back in the sticks I’d like to walk through a field of wildflowers And I’d like to check you for ticks” ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/30 "2009-03-11T18:39:07Z")
Back That Ass Up? ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/31 "2009-03-11T19:08:38Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Another favorite is Genesis’ “Counting Out Time” in which the singer is wooing his beloved with the aid of a sex manual: > > \*I’m counting out time, hoping it goes like I planned it, > 'cos I understand it. Look! I’ve found the hotspots, Figs. 1-9. > > - still counting out time, got my finger on the button, > “Don’t say nuttin - just lie there still > And I’ll get you turned on just fine.”\* Richard Thompson explores a similar theme in the song “Read About Love”. Sample lyric: _When I touch you there it’s supposed to feel nice. That’s what it said in Reader’s Advice._ ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/32 "2009-03-11T19:25:38Z")
I can’t decide if NIN’s “Closer” (_I want to f_ck you like an animal\*) is disturbing or totally sexy. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/33 "2009-03-11T19:29:20Z")
From : “Fifty Million Frenchmen, 1929” (Cole Porter) Now, before this modern idea had burst About the women and children first, The men had much more charm than they have today. And if only one of that type survived, The very moment that he arrived, I know I’d fall in love in a great big way. I can’t imagine being bad With any Arrow collar ad, Nor could I take the slightest joy In waking up a college boy. I’ve no desire to be alone With Rudy Vallee’s megaphone, So when I’m saying my prayers, I say: Find me a primitive man, Built on a primitive plan. Someone with vigor and vim. I don’t mean a kind that belongs to a club, But the kind that has a club that belongs to him. I could be the personal slave Of someone just out of a cave. The only man who’ll ever win me Has gotta wake up the gypsy in me, Find me a primitive man, Find me a primitive man. ---
**Author:** ![Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f19dbf/32.png) [@Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Only_Mostly_Dead)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/34 "2009-03-11T21:03:17Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I can’t decide if NIN’s “Closer” (_I want to f_ck you like an animal\*) is disturbing or totally sexy. Totally sexy. Though not romantic. [QUOTE=Stranger on a Train] Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” is about a guy who gets stoned at a party and has to have his girlfriend or wife drag him home. Really romantic, that. [/QUOTE] In fairness, he is sweet-talking her BEFORE getting shitfaced, too. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027/35 "2009-03-11T21:16:29Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Richard Thompson explores a similar theme in the song “Read About Love”. Sample lyric: > > _When I touch you there it’s supposed to feel nice. > That’s what it said in Reader’s Advice._ On the flip side, there’s the Tubes’ “Don’t Touch Me There”: \*The smell of burning leather as we hold each other tight As our rivets rub together flashing sparks into the night At this moment of surrender darling if you really care Don’t touch me there I will give my love forever if you promise me you’ll never never never touch me there Don’t touch me there - [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/least-romantic-love-songs/489027.md?page=1)