# Left-handedness - what should we think? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 27, 2002, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854 "2002-09-27T11:47:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/101 "2002-10-02T09:55:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yojimboguy \* > \*\*This thread has convinced me of the evil of my ways. I MUST have been born right-handed, but apparently was led into sin in my very infancy. By kindergarten I was a habitual sinner, and I NEVER CONFESSED IT to the parish priest. > > The novel _The Left Hand of Darkness_ now makes chiiling sense. It is a Satanic bible! > > To atone, I am considering following the Old Testament axiom, “If my eye offend thee, cast it out!” > > But what if, after the amputation, I remain left-stumped? Would the lord understand? \*\* To quote our Lord Jesus on the subject: > [@](#): > > _Mark 9:43_ > **And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched** Now I should make it very clear that I don’t recommend you actually cut off the appendage for yourself as it is not a sin to take advantage of modern hygienic surgical methods (although you should refuse anaesthetic; as a perverted sinner, the intense pain is will be good for you) Book an appointment now with your primary healthcare provider to discuss amputation. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/102 "2002-10-02T11:06:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeniseV \* > \*\* > > You… you’re a **lefty** and you didn’t even **tell** me that before wanting to meet up with me in Madison?! I suppose you were just going to wait until we shook hands and then you’d just put out your left hand like it was _normal_ or something! :mad: \*\* Well, duh! As one of Satan’s cabana boys, my work was to spread evil, strewing it out like seeds scattered from a left hand. I am getting more positive toward this amputation thing. Even if I am left-stumped afterward, I will serve Satan less than with a functional evil left hand. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/103 "2002-10-02T11:53:11Z")
Might be best to take the whole arm off, just to be on the safe side. God would certainly see this as a gesture of good intentions. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/104 "2002-10-02T13:29:42Z")
**BWWWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!** Yesterday, when I arrived back at work after being gone for a little over a week, my new computer was all set up. Evil Computer Guy set the mouse to be right handed and I **changed** it into a leftie first thing! I am **leftie** hear me roar!!! **BWWWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!** Perhaps that should be: **HAWHAWHAW!!!** ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/105 "2002-10-02T13:39:32Z")
**BWWWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!** Yesterday, when I arrived back at work after being gone for a little over a week, my new computer was all set up. Evil Computer Guy set the mouse to be right handed and I **changed** it into a leftie first thing! I am **leftie** hear me roar!!! **BWWWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!** Perhaps that should be: **HAWHAWHAW!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/106 "2002-10-02T18:25:07Z")
Four out of five double-posts are created by left-handers who are using the mouse in an unnatural manner. ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/107 "2002-10-02T19:12:05Z")
It’s the sinister way they click ‘Submit Reply’. ---
**Author:** ![buckgully](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb9ed0/32.png) [@buckgully](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buckgully)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/108 "2002-10-02T19:53:42Z")
I was part of a University of Fulksburg (Yes, I’m going to Fulk U.) study of the shroud of Turin. After careful analysis of the hands on the image of the shroud, we have some amazing discoveries that are going to turn the Christian anti-leftie world on it’s ear. It’s left ear, even. Careful study of the hands on the shroud PROVES that Jesus was a leftie! Not only is the left hand on top of the right, but when we examined the shroud near the traces of blood left from the wounds on the hand, along the heel of the left hand, we found traces of chromium oxide, tannic acid, carbon and iron filings. After careful analysis, we determined this combination of materials is the ink from the Bicus Brious, a quill pen popular throughout the Roman empire 2000 years ago. Clearly, Jesus had just been writing (we believe it was an early script to “Jesus Christ, Superstar” or possibly a grocery list) and dragging his hand through the ink shortly before he was crucified. However, all evidence of this discovery was removed recently when the Vatican, a right-handed operation, “restored” the shroud by removing any trace of Jesus’s true handedness. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/109 "2002-10-02T21:53:13Z")
Honestly; the whole Turin shroud thing is so easily debunked; it’s a photograph! - like a negative? and negatives are … yep, you guessed it, negatives are a mirror image of the object they depict. DUH! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/110 "2002-10-03T12:42:36Z")
> [@](#): > > **Cervaise:** > Four out of five double-posts are created by left-handers who are using the mouse in an unnatural manner. > [@](#): > > **Kal:** > It’s the sinister way they click ‘Submit Reply’. It’s the hamsters. They’re all lefties who run around their wheels counterclockwise. Oh, and one more evil lefthanded thing I do: during Holy Communion, I receive the Host with my left hand! **BWAAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!** ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854/111 "2002-10-03T17:40:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > \*\* I couldn’t “pass” for right-handed even if I wanted to. I am too obviously of the left, with my left-handed softball glove and the writing callous on my left-index finger. But, dammit, why should I have to try? Why should I have to pretend to be like you, with your unoriginal and bourgeois right-handedness? \*\* I could pass for a rightie, but I don’t bother to; if people have hang ups about it, that’s their problem. I’m just going about my business the same as they do, it’s not as though I’m attending activist rallies, or participating in parades or something. I have better fine motor control over my “right” hand than some righties I know (it’s fun to torment clumsy “right”-handed star trek fans, for example: what, you can’t do the reverse Vulcan greeting with either hand?bwahahah) and that does come in handy when the “right”-handed fascist regime dictates certain things: like that the wand to enter your debit pin is placed on the right and on such a short cord it’s nearly impossible to use with your left hand. But I’m not going to cut with my “right” hand, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to scrawl on my papers using my “right” hand rather than use my neat, legible writing. I think it all boils down to jealousy on the part of the “right”-handed. You are all eaten up with jealousy over the fact that the majority of lefties actually have two functioning hands, while you have a limp mass of bones and muscle attached to your wrists that you have little control over because you never needed to use it. Studies show that people who were left handed who lose the function of their dominate hand can function much better than the so-called right handed in the same position; and this includes those righties who don’t have moral objections about learning to use their better hand, too, so don’t feed me crap about them not wanting to be able to use their left hand. But, righties, I do concede a little and use my "right "hand exclusively for some activities; wiping my ass for instance…so you’re having some influence on me after all. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/left-handedness-what-should-we-think/129854.md?page=5)