# Legitimate products that just don't work **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 29, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734 "2005-07-29T13:59:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/41 "2005-07-30T00:08:54Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > I’ll pass that on to the “light of my life.” He shares your fetish. He’s got one of those double-lamp yellow lights for in the garage (for working on cars & stuff). Nice tripod, TONS of light…he’s smitten. Your husband might enjoy poking around in the [Candlepower Forums](http://www.candlepowerforums.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php) or [Flashlight Reviews](http://www.flashlightreviews.com) sites. ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/42 "2005-07-30T01:35:09Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > Damn you Dyson. :eek: /me puts **tremor** on the List. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/43 "2005-07-30T08:58:55Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Yup, gotta second this one. Growing up my parents tried drain cleaner maybe a dozen times, never worked. I’ve tried it a few times, never worked. My buddy’s drain clogged last year during GameFest 2005, so we tried drain cleaner, without success. I’ve never seen it work; I’ve never heard of a case of it working. It’s a ripoff. They may as well just put food coloring and water in those bottles for all the good it does you. This is just funny, b/c some of my girlfriends and I were talking about this very thing…the shower drain backing up horrifically b/c of hair clogs. Specifically, _our_ hair clogs. (We all have longer hair.) And all of our boyfriends/husbands insist on manually fishing for/removing said hair mass…the very thought of which makes all of us ill. Hair, once it’s fallen off a human head, is some of the most revolting stuff known to man. Especially when it’s wet and covered in scum and mildew. We have all always used drain cleaners, with specific, highly satisfactory results. A full-size bottle of Drano, applied twice in fifteen-minute increments, makes the drain as clear as a summer’s day. I used it for years when I was single, as have all my girlfriends. All of our men claim that they’re “bullshit” and the proper way to rid the drain of hair is with manual labor. Whatever. I swear by Drano. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/44 "2005-07-30T09:26:10Z")
> [@Ghanima](#): > > Skunk-scent removers. None of them work. NONE OF THEM. Ask my dog. Mythbusters did a segment on this a while back, and had the best results with a mixture of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and liquid dish soap. I have no idea what the proportions they used were, though a Google search turns up a number of sites with recipes. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/45 "2005-07-30T09:34:31Z")
> [@Audrey Levins](#): > > Whatever. I swear by Drano. Yep, me too. And I have had some nasty, mucky, hairy clogs, both in my sink and my tub. My husband is a hairy man, he sheds and shaves often. I bathe both of my cats in the tub once a month (they get a vague “litterbox” smell on them after a while… even though the litter itself barely smells, I suppose a month of daily litterbox trips is going to smell like _some_thing unpleasant). I have long hair, which I’m sure contributes to the whole mess, and hey, a girl’s gotta shave, too. I scrub the whole bathroom down at least once a week (and always immediately after the cats, one in particular has thick, thick fur that needs to be cleaned out f the tub immediately, but _immediately_!) So, as you can see, once in a while, we get some really nasty clogs. I haven’t reached down any drain even once. When it happens, we pick up some Drano… I think we get the kind that is divided in two (it has two spouts inside) and it’s like a gel plus foam, or something? Can’t remember. I know it when I see it. It probably also has Maximum Strength or some such thing on it, too. We have to get the heavy duty stuff. No other drain cleaners worked for us, we’d tried many different kinds, but once we found that Drano, we stuck with it. It works perfectly. I think you have to let it set for an hour, then rinse it all away - the drains are just like new. As for things I have that don’t work: Blenders. I’ve never had a blender that could crush ice. The instructions claim that it can, and I follow the instructions carefully… no crushed ice. I’m still left with giant cubes, with some little chips taken off of the corners. I’ve blended them with liquid, doesn’t work. I blend them for ten minutes, no crushed ice. Maybe a little melted, but not crushed. I blend it with the rest of a smoothie… all the other ingredients get liquified… ice cubes are still big chunks. _sigh_ Maybe someone replaced my ice cubes with diamonds. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/46 "2005-07-30T09:55:49Z")
> [@nivlac](#): > > For me, it’s headphone earplugs. Maybe it’s because of my small ear canals, but those earpieces just never fit comfortably in my ears and they keep falling out. The ones that are on the end of a headphone cord never stay in place. I need to wear a wraparound headphone in order to not have the plugs fall out all the time. I’ve always assumed I have dysmorphic ears. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/47 "2005-07-30T10:41:08Z")
Sweater pill removers, those little machines, you know? Worthless-- I could lick the pills off my sweaters more effectively. What does work for tight weave stuff-- one of those metal callous removers for your feet that look like mini cheese graters. Cat hair gloves that take the loose fur while you pet your cat. Ha! Cat urine odor eliminators. Nothing actually works, oh some can knock the stench down a bit, but it’s never ever going away until you completely replace everything the cat peed on. > [@vetbridge](#): > > Ummmm…I was actually considering buying one of those. Do you think that your disappontment with them is more a commentary on their design or your nose/ear hair? For my last boyfriend I bought one from Panasonic, don’t remember the model, but it was a sort of bronze/gold metallic color. It’s cordless and he said it did a spiffy job, not perfect, and it helped to use it often. He didn’t have a wiry jungle growing in his nose though, just regular nose fur. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/48 "2005-07-30T13:58:36Z")
> [@Hunter Hawk](#): > > Your husband might enjoy poking around in the [Candlepower Forums](http://www.candlepowerforums.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php) or [Flashlight Reviews](http://www.flashlightreviews.com) sites. Heh…I’d turn him on to those sites, but…and I kid you not…is at Home Depot buying lightbulbs right now. Ya gotta love 'im. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/49 "2005-07-30T14:39:03Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > I love our cordless Black and Decker weedwhacker. However, we have a very small yard and I am pretty lazy, so the longest I have whacked is about a half hour. Wow. After a half hour I’m just falling into my rhythm. As far as skunk products are concerned, I think that pet owners have overly high expectations. Nothing will eliminate the odor with a single use. The home-made concoctions work well, as do some of the commercial products (SkunkOff) if used daily for 3 or 4 days. Time is the big healer here. And thanks **Ashes** for the nose hair info. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/50 "2005-07-30T19:34:55Z")
Some maintenene guys at Bio2 deskunked a mobile home very effectively with Massingale douche. Had to buy a ton of it but worked like a charm. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/51 "2005-07-30T20:11:25Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > Some maintenene guys at Bio2 deskunked a mobile home very effectively with Massingale douche. Had to buy a ton of it but worked like a charm. Embarassing: Going to the store and buying 12 boxes of douche. Worse: Telling the clerk “It’s for my dog.” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/52 "2005-07-30T20:26:25Z")
What I really hate is when the product tells you it does something, in great big letters, and it’s something you never thought of this particular product doing anyway and–when you’ve experienced this before–you realize that it’s actually telling you what it does and not what it does not do.\* F’rinstance: “No white residue!” on the deodorant I bought. WTF, I’ve never had white residue before. But–sure enough–this one creates white residue on anything I wear. \*There is something about this sentence…maybe I should have diagrammed it? ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/53 "2005-08-01T19:30:04Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > Seriously. Why not use tomato juice? Big cans of it, enough to fill a bathtub. The only thing I’ve ever heard of to take care of skunk stink. Works great for most dogs. Not for white Poodles and Portuguese Water Dogs, though; it’ll stain them. [This guy](http://img102.imageshack.us/img102/91/guinnessawakens8jd.jpg) loves skunks. Tomato juice will make his coat as orange as a traffic cone, though. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/54 "2005-08-01T20:31:53Z")
> [@vetbridge](#): > > How long can you whack on a single charge? How long to fully charge a dead battery? Do you work for B&D? No, I don’t work for B&D, so I’m no spokesman. On a single charge, I usually can whack and edge for 30-40 minutes or so, which is sufficient to edge all around my corner lot, around both sides of the fence, and trim the bits close to the house. In the hottest days of summer, when the garage is really sweltering, the battery doesn’t seem to charge as well, so it may last a little less. I’ve never tested how long it takes to fully charge a dead battery, because I’ve always had at least a day of downtime between whackings, but I understand it should take about 12 hours. Of course, mine is a [slightly older model](http://www.blackanddecker.com/outdoor/ProductDetail.aspx?PID=2355&RHID=595&P=ProductDetail.aspx&ATT=AttachmentDetail.aspx&ACC=AccessoryDetail.aspx&ACS=AccessoySet.aspx&R=ProductListByType.aspx); I understand they have a [newer model](http://www.blackanddecker.com/outdoor/ProductDetail.aspx?PID=6427&RHID=595&P=ProductDetail.aspx&ATT=AttachmentDetail.aspx&ACC=AccessoryDetail.aspx&ACS=AccessoySet.aspx&R=ProductListByType.aspx) with higher voltage batteries and a lighter overall trimmer, but drastically reduced battery life (about 10 minutes per battery; good thing they give you two). Mine is at least three pounds heavier than the newer one, but the battery life is much better, from what I’ve read. ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/55 "2005-08-01T21:37:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Over the counter allergy medicine - nope, doesn’t work for me. Claritin only works in heavy doses; enough to make my throat very dry. Benadryl puts me to sleep, and only makes minor improvements to my stuffy, dripping nose. Everything else has the power of a placebo. I use the good stuff – Zyrtec, which requires a prescription. It works; even better than allergy shots have ever worked. I can even skip a day, and still breathe like a normal human during the summer. You too? ---
**Author:** ![MrJackboots](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MrJackboots](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrJackboots)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/56 "2005-08-01T21:53:57Z")
> [@TheLoadedDog](#): > > In fact, adhesive _anything_ in which the traditional version involves other fastening methods. For example, stick-on picture hooks are asking for trouble. Not if you stick them on with _epoxy_! I’ve actually had reasonable luck with non-traditional-attachment (except for iron-on patches), but for me, residue-less labels almost always never work as advertised. I keep having to scrub them off the old way. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/57 "2005-08-02T02:36:51Z")
Gotta disagree on the Scumbuster. With the right attachments, it works quite well for me. Especially the way the bristled attachments get soap scum, etc., out of things like soap holders. One of the others does a nice job of polishing the shiny bits on the bathroom fixtures. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/58 "2005-08-02T02:57:52Z")
**Kalhoun** what in the heck do you need a bajillion watt output of light for a flashlight? Mole hunting or something? I gots to know. I have to say that the cheapest flashlights last forever for us. These would be the ones that are advertised for kids. The crappy looking ones ones by Garrity. Possibly $2-3. Things last forever and take a beating. Kid tested at our house, fersure. The only thing that outlasts it is the kids fisher price flash light. That thing is a good 10 years old with the original batteries in it. And it makes froggie noises. (YAY!) OK, so it isn’t the best as illumination, but when our power goes out ( and it use to alot.) this thing has never failed us. Also, another work horse in the night time illumination department has been those cheapie press the light portable light thingies. You know, the kind that you can put in the closet or basement and tap hard the light and it turns on. We use it for camping. Oh, and I have no issues with my sweater de-piller shaver, drains clogging, OTC meds, shark vaccuum. But for the love of all that is sacred, those pooper scooper tong thingies. The poop sticks to it. It’s disgusting. I’ll shut up now. ---
**Author:** ![Cheez\_Whia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cheez\_Whia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheez_Whia)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/59 "2005-08-02T03:04:29Z")
Super Glue. The only things I have sucessfully glued together with it are my fingers. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734/60 "2005-08-02T10:25:33Z")
Compact fluorescent light bulbs. I believe they really do save energy. But the light does not seem as bright as advertised. Nor do they last the seven years that the box claims- I’ve had two burn out in less than one year. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/legitimate-products-that-just-dont-work/314734.md?page=4)