# Leprechauns Are Stealing My Mail **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 17, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245 "2004-12-17T01:18:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Severian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Severian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/1 "2004-12-17T01:18:06Z")
I got [this](http://home.comcast.net/~atembreull/images/letter.jpg) in the mail today. Look closely, and you’ll see what looks like some scuffing on the letter, near the area where it says DO NOT FOLD. I guess I’m supposed to think there may be a credit card in there, because I can see where the raised areas of the card caused the envelope to be worn by the automatic sorters and what not it passed through on its journey through the postal system. Only that’s not what it is. Those scuff marks are printed on there. My how devious. You really had me going there. I’ll bet most people open the letter immediately and then are astonished to find out that _ARGH! Leprechauns have absconded my credit card!_ And the fact that there is no card in there makes the DO NOT FOLD ridiculous as well. Not that DO NOT FOLD is ever something that makes sense on a piece of mail. Just crease, crumple, cram. You’ll do fine. Right, Postal Worker Newman? The happy little NOTICE TO RECIPIENT demanding that I fight all urges to toss this right in the trash with the pizza box, orange rind, used condoms, and burnt out light bulb is a nice touch too. Yes, these are all very nice touches. Well thought out. I’d like to congratulate the marketing department and its team of college graduates that no doubt put in long hours dreaming this up. My only question to them would be, and pardon me if I’m missing the obvious here, but what the hell is the freaking point? I have to assume these little decorations are to convince someone who may be otherwise inclined to send this letter to the landfill unopened to actually open the letter and see the wondrous credit offer inside. At which point they will begin what undoubtedly will be a long-term relationship with the fine people at Bank of America. A relationship based on the same mutual trust, respect, and gratuitous financial rape that characterizes most other credit agreements. Indeed, the same respect that no doubt is behind this clever little ruse so lightheartedly perpetrated. Ha HA, Bank of America! Well played! But if I’m someone who is interested in their life-changing credit card offer, wouldn’t I open the envelope if it simply said “Credit Offer” on the front? And if I’m someone who is not interested in their offer to free me of my soul, then what is the point of trying to fool me into opening the letter just to make sure there’s not a card in there that I need to cut up? So. Again. What’s the freaking point? Are you all just bored there at Bank of America? Have you forgotten your own stupid slogan (Bank of America - Higher Standards)? Is there a hotline I can call to report the theft of the credit card you sent me? Because, _DAMMIT, I CAN SEE THERE WAS A CARD IN HERE! THOSE GREMLINS, THOSE GNOMES, THOSE GODFORSAKEN PIXIES WITH THEIR TINY LITTLE FINGERS AND THEIR COMPLICATED SHOES HAVE BEEN SCREWING WITH MY MAIL AGAIN!_ ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/2 "2004-12-17T01:31:23Z")
When I went out this morning, I saw that the paper was near the mailbox. Since I was exiting the the other end of the (loop) road, I didn’t stop and get it. When I got home, it was gone. I suspect ass monkeys. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/3 "2004-12-17T02:49:09Z")
Phase 1: Steal Mail Phase 2:… Phase 3: Profit ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/4 "2004-12-17T03:22:07Z")
As my daughter said (at age five no less) > [@](#): > > Yeah, leprechauns are tricky. That’s why you have to stab them in the neck. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/5 "2004-12-17T03:28:16Z")
> [@Severian](#): > > THOSE GREMLINS, THOSE GNOMES, THOSE GODFORSAKEN PIXIES WITH THEIR TINY LITTLE FINGERS AND THEIR COMPLICATED SHOES HAVE BEEN SCREWING WITH MY MAIL AGAIN!\* It’s times like these I wish I used sigs. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/6 "2004-12-17T03:29:29Z")
Och, ye little bastards! Always after me Lucky Charms! ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/7 "2004-12-17T03:37:14Z")
I heard that if you leave out a saucer with some beer in it, they will be attracted to it and will drown. Or is that snails? ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/8 "2004-12-17T03:55:18Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > Or is that snails? No, that’s slugs. 😃 > [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > Phase 1: Steal Mail > > Phase 2:… > > Phase 3: Profit That’s the Underpants Gnomes, not leprechauns. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/9 "2004-12-17T04:17:02Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > As my daughter said (at age five no less) You might want to keep your eye on that one. ---
**Author:** ![MaryEFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MaryEFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaryEFoo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/10 "2004-12-17T06:49:03Z")
Huh. A friend of mine got a credit card offer complete with card from a bank in an envelope marked “Do Not Fold”, and the envelope was 12"x12" and wouldn’t go through a mailslot without folding. So the postman left it at her condominium door, nice and visible to passing strangers, and attention-getting for the addressee. Geeze what cheeze. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/11 "2004-12-17T13:46:25Z")
I got that exact same thing yesterday. I thought it was my new card. Fuckers. There needs to be a do not mail list since I throw all that shit away. This is just as bad as the ones I was getting for awhile that looked like they came from a federal agency, and since I work for the feds I thought it was for work. I wish the leprechauns would steal my mail. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/12 "2004-12-17T14:47:24Z")
There IS a do not mail list, Edward. [And here’s some help.](http://www.dmaconsumers.org/consumerassistance.html) Mind you, if won’t work if the people mailing you are unscrupulous. But it should significantly reduce the amount of mail you receive over time. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/13 "2004-12-17T15:03:37Z")
I sometimes wish those makers of junk mail could see me blissfully ripping up unopened envelopes as I walk up the driveway from my mailbox and then tossing it right into the trash can sitting right out side my garage door. The shit never makes it indoors. I get some kind of feeling of revenge when I rip stuff into tiny shreds and toss it in the trash. HAH! Take that you junk mail fiend! HAH! ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/14 "2004-12-17T15:31:37Z")
Aliens abduct my Sunday paper and bring it back after probing the comics. Seriously. The comics are in a sealed plastic bag and if I don’t get out there promptly the whole thing dissappears for hours eventually to return, comics bag ripped open and the paper slightly rifled through. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/15 "2004-12-17T15:33:58Z")
\*\*Always blaming the little people. Scream as you may! Scream as you might! If you try to escape, you’ll be dead on this night. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/16 "2004-12-17T15:43:20Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > Phase 1: Steal Mail > > Phase 2:… > > Phase 3: Profit Phase 2: Fill out and send in the “pre-approved” application and apply a balance transfer for your old, maxed out credit card… At least that’s what happened to me. ---
**Author:** ![Severian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Severian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/17 "2004-12-17T16:05:28Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I sometimes wish those makers of junk mail could see me blissfully ripping up unopened envelopes as I walk up the driveway from my mailbox and then tossing it right into the trash can sitting right out side my garage door. The shit never makes it indoors. I get some kind of feeling of revenge when I rip stuff into tiny shreds and toss it in the trash. HAH! Take that you junk mail fiend! HAH! They’ve stepped it up a notch: [New Mailings](http://home.comcast.net/~atembreull/images/letter2.JPG) ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/18 "2004-12-17T16:15:44Z")
> [@Severian](#): > > They’ve stepped it up a notch: [New Mailings](http://home.comcast.net/~atembreull/images/letter2.JPG) _Please_ tell me that is a joke. Because if it’s not, I am going to have to get my beatin’ stick out of my trunk and take it over to Visa HQ. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/19 "2004-12-17T16:47:28Z")
> [@Severian](#): > > They’ve stepped it up a notch: [New Mailings](http://home.comcast.net/~atembreull/images/letter2.JPG) 😃 Exellent 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245/20 "2004-12-17T16:54:34Z")
> [@Severian](#): > > They’ve stepped it up a notch: [New Mailings](http://home.comcast.net/~atembreull/images/letter2.JPG) [Beavis and Butthead]Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law’![/Beavis and Butthead] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/leprechauns-are-stealing-my-mail/280245.md?page=2)