# Lesbian jewelry and etiquette **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 18, 2018, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115 "2018-10-18T00:15:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/21 "2018-10-18T09:49:30Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Is that so? Because I’m an actual real live lesbian, and I have never heard of it. > > Is it an American thing? I’m British, your friend is Barbadian, maybe this concept just doesn’t travel. > > Anyways, why are you in such a flap about the idea in the OP? That’s what i can’t understand. He already admitted that possibility, that, being from another culture, she didn’t know. He also already explained why it was a big deal to him. He saw this woman wearing a symbol that he knows as a lesbian symbol. He was surprised by this, given what he knew about her. And so he had a bit of a social fumble. He worried he completely fucked everything up, and was wondering what he should do to fix things. It all comes across to me like a typical social anxiety issue, which is why I responded–that is what I have experience with. Social anxiety leads to making a big deal out of things that really aren’t all that big a deal. It is always a good idea for those of us with social anxiety to remind ourselves that we will make a bigger deal out of small things, because we’re worried we’ll mess up. Things are rarely as bad as our mind makes them. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/22 "2018-10-18T10:05:54Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > He already admitted that possibility, that, being from another culture, she didn’t know. > > He also already explained why it was a big deal to him. He saw this woman wearing a symbol that he knows as a lesbian symbol. He was surprised by this, given what he knew about her. And so he had a bit of a social fumble. He worried he completely fucked everything up, and was wondering what he should do to fix things. > > It all comes across to me like a typical social anxiety issue, which is why I responded–that is what I have experience with. Social anxiety leads to making a big deal out of things that really aren’t all that big a deal. > > It is always a good idea for those of us with social anxiety to remind ourselves that we will make a bigger deal out of small things, because we’re worried we’ll mess up. Things are rarely as bad as our mind makes them. He indicated that, as a symbol, it’s as well known as a pink triangle or a rainbow flag, which it transparently isn’t. Those are, indeed, international symbols. I really don’t get the OPs major fuss, or why he thinks he needs to clue her in. It’s not a swastika. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/23 "2018-10-18T10:08:55Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > I hope someone has some ideas here! Learn from it and relax. What someone else does and with whom is their business, not yours. And, assuming it’s consensual, is all good. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/24 "2018-10-18T10:09:39Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Learn from it and relax. What someone else does and with whom is their business, not yours. And, assuming it’s consensual, is all good. Quite so ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/25 "2018-10-18T10:56:44Z")
She specifically told you what it means for her but that’s not enough for you? This secret symbol might be well known to you, can you even conceive that it’s not the case in every culture? Let it go! ---
**Author:** ![JB99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/439d5e/32.png) [@JB99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JB99)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/26 "2018-10-18T13:26:42Z")
I’m really getting sick and tired of people interpreting / appropriating / implying meaning to every random shape, object, color, design, hand gesture, whatever. It’s so damned tiresome. Maybe, just MAYBE, a person wears something because they thought it looked nice. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/27 "2018-10-18T13:54:20Z")
Yes, the labrys is a symbol of lesbianism. No, not every lesbian has heard of it. Yes, the labrys has other meanings or uses, cf. rainbow symbolia. No, you should not address this with your coworker. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/28 "2018-10-18T14:06:54Z")
This dredged up a memory. Circa 1971, I was given a couple of seahorse pins by a girl in a chorus I was directing. I thought they were kinda cool. My mom told me they were a lesbian symbol. Anyone else ever heard of this? The girl who gave them to me was maybe 13 or 14 and I don’t recall getting any vibe that she was hitting on me. I was 17 at the time and very naive, but I’m pretty sure I’d have picked up on a girl crush. FTR, it didn’t make any difference to me - I still wore pins back in those days and I wore those occasionally. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/29 "2018-10-18T14:14:31Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > I loved Tel Aviv. Hey, thanks! It’s a great town, and I love living here (although the heat can get to you at times). ---
**Author:** ![ohiomstr2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/82dd89/32.png) [@ohiomstr2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ohiomstr2)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/30 "2018-10-18T14:34:39Z")
Consider apologizing and saying you were only interested in the trinket and meant no offense. This might be the beginning of a conversation in which you might learn something about each other. If not, walk away. At least you will have tried to do the morally correct and mature response. ---
**Author:** ![TSBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@TSBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TSBG)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/31 "2018-10-18T15:53:06Z")
> [@ohiomstr2](#): > > Consider apologizing and saying you were only interested in the trinket and meant no offense. > > This might be the beginning of a conversation in which you might learn something about each other. If not, walk away. > > At least you will have tried to do the morally correct and mature response. I suggest the opposite–let it lie. Bringing it up again after the passage of some time will only make the awkwardness worse. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/32 "2018-10-18T16:24:12Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > HOLY SHIT! > > All this time my female dwarven clerics of the god of war (with two-handed, two-headed ax damnit!) were lesbians and I never knew it. In fact, the LARP weapon I made with my very own hands and which now hangs on my wall is a labrys, and considering who I was with at the time I suspect there would have been mentions (bunch of Scotts with more, uh, interpersonal connections than a family tree of European royals). > > First news of any relationships between labrys and lesbianism. FTR, I’m definitely not American. Or from wherever lizards hail from. HA! My first thought on reading the OP was that I certainly had a lot of lesbian dwarves in various games over the years. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/33 "2018-10-18T16:26:09Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > Thank you. It only took until post #14; this doesn’t help what I already believed: that most people have no clue what “etiquette” means. I guess most others were too busy failing to be funny to actually click on the link in the OP too. The labrys as a symbol is about as obscure as the pink triangle or a rainbow. If you showed me a pink triangle or a rainbow, I would know the symbolism. Your OP is the FIRST time I have ever seen a battleaxe being equated with lesbianism, so IME it is definitely far more obscure than the others (which are not obscure at all). ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/34 "2018-10-18T16:39:54Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > Thank you. It only took until post #14; this doesn’t help what I already believed: that most people have no clue what “etiquette” means. I guess most others were too busy failing to be funny to actually click on the link in the OP too. The labrys as a symbol is about as obscure as the pink triangle or a rainbow. Um… no, it really is obscure. If I go to the LGBT center I’ll see rainbows all over the place, virtually anywhere that wants to show support for LGBT people will have a rainbow and various non-straight friends love to incorporate rainbows into their outfits when they’re feeling prideful. Pink triangles were taught in history class, so I already knew what they were when I encountered them in the modern context. I have spent a lot of time hanging around with bisexual and lesbian women, and have never seen one of these being worn or heard of it as a symbol. Again, I had literally never heard of or seen the Labrys as a symbol of being a lesbian feminist until this thread, but I’ve seen like 4 billion rainbows and learned about the pink triangle in history class. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/35 "2018-10-18T16:40:37Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > The labrys as a symbol is about as obscure as the pink triangle or a rainbow. Ha ha, no. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/36 "2018-10-18T17:42:05Z")
Hell. Many years ago I dated a lesbian (I am cis male…it was very…complicated) who was a politically active artist. I currently am married to a politically active liberal woman who regularly attends pride marches, even out-of-state. My _sister_ is a lesbian active in politics and the news media. I have researched the labrys online on two separate occasions for unrelated purposes. I have _never heard of_ the association you assert is common. I suggest a major, near-total recalibration of your understanding of what other people “should know.” ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/37 "2018-10-18T18:08:54Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > Again, I had literally never heard of or seen the Labrys as a symbol of being a lesbian feminist until this thread, I don’t think that I’ve even ever seen the word “labrys” before this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/38 "2018-10-18T18:33:17Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > However, on THIS occasion I saw dangling under her chin a [labrys](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labrys#Social_movement) necklace. Your link hilariously _cuts off_ the actual picture of a labrys necklace in that wiki article, so you can proceed to your freakout about someone’s sexuality not being defined to your satisfaction. The _necklace_, if you’d scrolled up, is cited as being of “modern pagan and feminist movements”. Why is this not as likely an explanation as stealth lesbian? Or, in the section you focused on, “Labrys” is a LGBTIQA rights organization in Kyrgyzstan. Perhaps you should consider that she might be a Kyrgyzstanian infiltrator _posing_ as being from Barbados. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/39 "2018-10-18T18:43:59Z")
I have a spartan helmet with molon labe, no - while I do believe in a version of the second amendment with regards to hunting and self defense weapons, I don’t feel the need to go and get a machine gun … I happen to wear it because I believe in standing on my rights, and protecting other people’s rights and Leonidas telling the king of Persia effectively to suck it up and try and kill them because he refused to surrender is what it means to me. I don’t care what your race creed or color is, I will defend your right to be that, but don’t try and shove your beliefs down my throat because I have the right to believe what I believe. sorry, quote isn’t selecting and pasting in for me so i have to do it by hand again _sigh_ \>I’m really getting sick and tired of people interpreting / appropriating / implying \>meaning to every random shape, object, color, design, hand gesture, whatever. It’s \>so damned tiresome. \>Maybe, just MAYBE, a person wears something because they thought it looked nice. [JB99](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php) [![](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/images/statusicon/user_offline.gif) ](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/images/statusicon/user_offline.gif) Guest Join Date: Jun 2018 ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2018, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115/40 "2018-10-18T19:12:40Z")
Some of my best friends are lesbians. They also are middle aged and married. (The middle aged and married counts for more “having in common” points than whatever a couple does during private fun time. ) I have never seen any of my lesbian friends display a battle are, and several of them are very activist. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-jewelry-and-etiquette/823115.md?page=3)