# Lesbian wedding attire - no dresses please **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 20, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720 "2010-01-20T17:51:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/1 "2010-01-20T17:51:34Z")
My fiancee and I are getting married at the end of October, and are already contemplating what to wear. I think this may be the most difficult part of planning our wedding. Neither of us really wants to wear a dress, but we need ideas for outfits - every bridal source seems to be exclusively dresses. I was thinking maybe a pantsuit, but not a “grandma” polyester-type pantsuit. Also, I am plus-sized, which will probably limit my clothing choices. Anyone have any ideas? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/2 "2010-01-20T18:01:07Z")
Are skirt combinations also off? I can find decent skirt+blouse separates a lot more easily than I can find decent dresses, due both to sizing issues and to basic clumsiness. Something like a black bolero jacket, a shirt in some snazzy cloth and slacks looks great, dressy and unusual on most people. I mean a cloth bolero, not a knitted one! [This](http://www.productappeal.com/productappeal/2007/02/puma_fleece_cro.html) kind of thing. I have one in black with a black braid all over the edge and gold filigree buttons which is, what a surprise, part of my “Got A Big Celebration Wear” catalog. I haven’t been the bride so far, but I’m reasonably sure I could get it to work. [This other bolero](http://www.wed-shopping.com/es/article.php3?productid=A1018&sort=Bolero%20de%20Novia&wed=) is a different cut, but again something like it could be worked with a nice top and either slacks or skirt. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/3 "2010-01-20T18:05:08Z")
Two of my friends were married recently and they each wore a very pretty taylored white blouse with jeans. You could probably dress it up a bit with a dress pant instead if you want a more posh wedding. They looked great - the white is a bit traditional and a white blouse in a cut that flatters your shape tends to photograph very well. You could each choose one to suit your frame and get a bottom as appropirate. ---
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/4 "2010-01-20T18:06:54Z")
Obviously it is a matter of what you like and are comfortable with, but I have seen “bridal pantsuits” that are a play on traditional wedding dresses only in pantsuit form. Some are just lovely. I am having little luck finding any online though. ☹ Maybe check a bridal store about what they can order as opposed to what they have in stock? I can also suggest what I have seen before…tuxedo jacket with a silk camisole and silk or chiffon wide-leg pants. That is a look that can be stunning and extremely figure-flattering. Finally, I would recommend talking to a seamstress who may be able to custom make a pant suit to your specifications. That would ensure you have the wedding outfit of your dreams and that it will be just right for you. And congratulations. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/5 "2010-01-20T18:07:49Z")
Congratulations! Well if dresses are out and you aren’t into some kind of costume/theme wedding getup (“Wow, they’re all dressed as X-Wing pilots!”) then how about actual suits or tuxedos? I’ve seen some ladies in tux outfits and they looked mighty nice. Suits can range from your standard cut dark interview-type suit up to something more daring (watch a bunch of hiphop videos and you’ll see a pretty wide range of colors, fits, etc - not suggesting everyone dress up like a 50 Cent show but there’s some good looking stuff there). ---
**Author:** ![Jelly\_Roll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Jelly\_Roll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelly_Roll)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/6 "2010-01-20T18:23:35Z")
Congrats! [White Pant Suit](http://www.fashionbug.com/sale/dresses/studio-1940-reg-3-piece-bridal-pant-suit/5198c14752p23884/index.pro?sid=FEED:Goog&mcid=FEED&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=23884) [Black Pant Suit](http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplayView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10051&categoryId=-49998958¤tIdx=41&subCategory=-49998976%7c-49998959%7c-49998958&catentryId=6094373&sort=) - not sure if you’re wanting to wear traditional white [Jumpsuit](http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplayView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10051&categoryId=-49998958¤tIdx=37&subCategory=-49998976%7c-49998959%7c-49998958&catentryId=6124694&sort=) - looks better than it sounds, although it appears to only come in black [Not exactly a “suit”](http://alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=a86204f4-34c4-4373-a9ef-a70740e3246c&categoryID=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae&pg=0&colorId1=) [Also not a suit](http://alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=d92e1cc1-c351-4802-bfe1-20724eaa2d7b&categoryID=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae&pg=0&colorId1=) - available in 55 colors ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/7 "2010-01-20T18:24:52Z")
> [@Ultraviolet](#): > > Neither of us really wants to wear a dress, but we need ideas for outfits I think you should focus on what would look good on your body type (meaning your individual shape) age appropriate and so forth. This dress would look awesome on most plus sizes because of the cut and drape [http://www.bellachic.co.nz/p656/Christelle-Satin-and-Lace-Wedding-Dress-in-White/product\_info.html?osCsid=7fb7894a53c6eba10589698680b85e95](http://www.bellachic.co.nz/p656/Christelle-Satin-and-Lace-Wedding-Dress-in-White/product_info.html?osCsid=7fb7894a53c6eba10589698680b85e95) ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/8 "2010-01-20T18:30:17Z")
I think the [right](http://www.dillards.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=301&storeId=301&langId=-1&productId=501935145) [pantsuit](http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod102560004&parentId=cat14420792&masterId=cat10340732&index=8&cmCat=cat000000cat000001cat17740747cat17740752cat10340732cat14420792)could [look](http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod101280059&parentId=cat14420792&masterId=cat10340732&index=11&cmCat=cat000000cat000001cat17740747cat17740752cat10340732cat14420792) [awesome](http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod37910039&parentId=cat000116&masterId=cat3650732&index=114&cmCat=cat000000cat000001cat17740747cat3650732cat000116)- I just picked white 'cause I’m feeling traditional, but these would be great in any color, I think. There’s something to fit your style, whether it be flowy or tailored or whatever. Also, check out [indiebride](http://www.indiebride.com/), if you haven’t already. I haven’t been there in a few years, so I can’t speak for the current group, but back then, there were tons of lesbian couples, plus-sized women, and straight, skinny chicks who just wanted something unusual to wear, who’d be happy to help you find something. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/9 "2010-01-20T18:34:35Z")
I was also going to suggest wide-legged chiffon pants. A friend wore a jumpsuit-ish thing to a formal event when I was in college, I still remember what she wore because it was so lovely and unusual. WRT **Jelly Roll** ’s suggestion, I was also going to suggest you look at “mother of the bride” outfits. Many aren’t frumpy at all, and I’d suppose that there are more pants available in that category. Are you planning on wearing white? And what are you and your fiancee thinking of as far as coordinating with each other? Also, how “dressy” will the event be? Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! p.s. I’m so relieved that this thread wasn’t what I thought it was about! I thought you were going to ask an etiquette question–whether it was okay to tell your guests that they weren’t allowed to wear dresses!!! :eek: ETA: Forgot to ask–how would you describe your personal style? And how tall are you? Is your fiancee a similar height? ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/10 "2010-01-20T18:43:52Z")
Best wishes to you and your beloved for a long and happy marriage. Everyone else came up with such gorgeous outfits I do not have anything else to add. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/11 "2010-01-20T19:59:35Z")
> [@Ultraviolet](#): > > My fiancee and I are getting married at the end of October, and are already contemplating what to wear. I think this may be the most difficult part of planning our wedding. Neither of us really wants to wear a dress, but we need ideas for outfits - every bridal source seems to be exclusively dresses. I was thinking maybe a pantsuit, but not a “grandma” polyester-type pantsuit. Also, I am plus-sized, which will probably limit my clothing choices. Anyone have any ideas? My fiancee is not wearing a dress either. She _never_ wear skirts and has decided it would be too out of character for her. She is wearing an “ivory” version of a panstuit that is very much like [this one](http://www.tjformal.com/Zoom.aspx?spv_id=559252&spt_id=3) She has short hair too. This site has more of a [plus size pic too](http://www.tjformal.com/Zoom.aspx?spv_id=559253&spt_id=3). The main difference with my fiancee’s is that the lacey part on hers isn’t going to have any see through part because she hates sheer fabrics most of the time. The jacket is beaded or something. ETA: One of the reasons she’s getting poofy legs is to create a “visual feel” of a gown but still have pants. Also, when we went to see them in person, they had better photos of plus sizes and they looked pretty classy. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/12 "2010-01-20T20:06:25Z")
Missed the edit. One [like this](http://offbeatbride.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/whitepants.jpg) but with a beaded jacket was our second choice, but the train part looked kind of wrong on my gal. It was a bit too froo-froo for her. ETA: Congrats! ---
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/13 "2010-01-20T21:57:50Z")
> [@](#): > > Well if dresses are out and you aren’t into some kind of costume/theme wedding getup (“Wow, they’re all dressed as X-Wing pilots!”) then how about actual suits or tuxedos? We are leaning towards more feminine options than tuxes, I think. Some people look great in a tux or a suit, but not us, I don’t think. > [@](#): > > Are you planning on wearing white? And what are you and your fiancee thinking of as far as coordinating with each other? > > Also, how “dressy” will the event be? I am leaning towards white, but it depends on what I can find, too. As far as coordinating, I would like to see us in similar, but not identical outfits. The event will be moderately casual - obviously not too formal, since we are not wearing dresses. > [@](#): > > Forgot to ask–how would you describe your personal style? And how tall are you? Is your fiancee a similar height? My personal style is quite casual, usually t-shirt and jeans, but I would like to go more formal for our wedding day. My fiancee and I are the same height. > [@](#): > > My fiancee is not wearing a dress either. She never wear skirts and has decided it would be too out of character for her. She is wearing an “ivory” version of a panstuit that is very much like [this one](http://www.tjformal.com/Zoom.aspx?spv_id=559252&spt_id=3) She has short hair too. I love that one! It’s dressy and fairly feminine without being an actual dress. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/14 "2010-01-20T22:42:14Z")
* * * ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/15 "2010-01-20T22:44:42Z")
Sorry, **EC** , my bad. > [@Ultraviolet](#): > > I love that one! It’s dressy and fairly feminine without being an actual dress. That’s what she likes about it. We looked an several, but when she tried them she looked way too _mother_-of-the-bride. There is a fine line between an pantsuit that is “feminine” and one that is “frumpy”. Namely, don’t go for the ones that have long, flowy tops [like this](http://www.weddingsus.com/prod_images_large/cieras_2059_353750420.Gif). They look good on the catalogs, but when a real person tries them on, it looks way too Bea Arthur circa _Golden Girls_. The one my fiancee is getting actually looks awesome with a variety of hairstyles too. She even tried it out (via photoshop) with her hair all punk rocker spikey to see how it would look, and it still looked classy. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/16 "2010-01-20T22:50:16Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > Congratulations! > > Well if dresses are out and you aren’t into some kind of costume/theme wedding getup (“Wow, they’re all dressed as X-Wing pilots!”) then how about actual suits or tuxedos? For the record, would costumes me acceptable if they’re classy, and/or obscure enough? Like if it’s a suitably lovely, feminine-looking pantsuit that happens to be patterned after the costumes from a cult anime series or a B-movie or somesuch? I mean, if it’s a costume from _Lord of the Rings_ or _Star Trek_, that might be too embarrassingly recognizable, but you might be able to pull off using outfits from _Revenge of the Zucchini People_ without anyone catching on. Congrats, by the way! ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/17 "2010-01-20T23:09:22Z")
What you probably ought to do is start checking out department stores that sell formal wear. As it starts approaching prom and wedding season, stores like Penney’s will have a lot of stuff on sale. It’s how my mother found what she wore to my brother’s and my weddings, and how I found my wedding dress. I’m not sure how to describe what Mom got–it was far more flowy than I think of a pantsuit being, more of a divided skirt. I mean, it was definitely pants, but it had these chiffon panels that hung off it from the waist, making it very feminine and giving it a lot of movement. They had her size in stock, too, and she wore a 26 at the time. But even if they don’t have your size or color in stock, Penney’s will order it in for you at no extra charge. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/18 "2010-01-21T00:39:52Z")
I think the suggestion of Palazzo pants is a great one, especially if paired with something like a long (bell?) sleeved peasant blouse. And ivory in place of white, if you don’t want your outfits to be quite so traditional. Congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![Coalcracker0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b38774/32.png) [@Coalcracker0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coalcracker0)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/19 "2010-01-21T01:50:37Z")
I’m thinking classy white shorts or slacks, with a white bustier, and a white jacket with tails. ---
**Author:** ![Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamaika_a_jamaikaiake)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720/20 "2010-01-21T02:00:52Z")
Depending on your sense of humor: A T-shirt that says “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Cause that would be hilarious. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbian-wedding-attire-no-dresses-please/525720.md?page=2)