# Lesbians / dildos **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 2, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819 "2003-07-02T17:43:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/21 "2003-07-03T01:27:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sigmundex \* > \*\*Okay, maybe Isabelle’s question was worded poorly and begs a little smack-down by everybody, but I’ve always wondered this, myself: If lesbians so dislike men, why in hell do some of them try so hard to look like one, act like one, and take on the mannerisms of one. And the “partner” is attracted to that. So what I get out of that is that many times (I’m trying to be careful here), a lesbian is attracted to 99% of what a man is, with the exception of the actual penis itself. And the reverse is true regarding gay men. In my rudimentary caveman-like thinking, I say, hey, if what you want is a person wearing flannel with a crewcut and a toolbelt, why not just go all the way and actually be attracted to a MAN? I’m not trying to be rude or “not understanding”, it’s just a curiousity to me. Any enlightenment would be appreciated. > > \>Sigmundex, just waiting for the shelling to begin\< \*\* No shelling necessary. IMO strong gender preference one way or the other has a very large biological component. For a significant segment of gay women who are strictly and exclusively gay the brain wiring is subtly “masculinized” at a fairly fundamental level and in essence they are women with more male(ish) than female(ish) brain wiring. The “ish” is important because even strictly gay women are _not_ men mentally, but are a synthesis of female and male components and the degree of masculinization in feelings and behavior can cover a large territory. The bottom line is that gay women are typically attracted to women and not men because the male components of their brain wiring direct attraction toward females and not males, available penises or not. It’s like asking a heterosexual man why he is attracted to women. He just is. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/22 "2003-07-03T01:32:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polairis \* > \*\*And there is only one reason that men are better than dildos: > > Dildos don’t move furniture \*\* Not so! Have you ever tried to flirt with or play video games with a dildo? They’re neither conversationalists nor playfully competitive. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/23 "2003-07-03T02:58:05Z")
\>it’s what’s attached to the penis that gives them pause. Did you mean _paws_ ? ---
**Author:** ![ElectroSunDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@ElectroSunDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElectroSunDog)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/24 "2003-07-03T03:33:25Z")
Dildos don’t try to soup-up the car Dildos don’t watch football Dildos don’t make chili dog farts Dildos don’t go to garage sales and pick up enormous moose heads ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/25 "2003-07-03T03:39:59Z")
This is a topic that has given me pause to wonder at times. Thanks elfbabe for trying to bring some coherant explanation to the topic. All of that being said and having read the entire thread it reminds me of the quote I once heard that I attribute to Norman Mailer (excuse me if it isn’t verbatim): “There’s nothing worse than great sex with someone you despise.” Take it from there. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/26 "2003-07-03T04:54:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\*I hope for her sake that it’s your fiancee. \*\* I dunno why I’m answering this, but yes, it is my fiancee. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmundex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@Sigmundex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmundex)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/27 "2003-07-03T11:58:03Z")
Thanks to Elfbabe, Otto, and Astro. That did a good bit of helping me understand the rationale. Astro, your bit about the male-ish and female-ish wiring of the brain is pretty good. I think you’re probably right about that. When I was younger I used to think that lesbian and gay couples just sort of had some inherent flaw, not that it was bad or anything, but that i just wasn’t quite what was “intended”. I used to think to myself that it was like trying to build something with either nuts OR bolts, and not having both at the same time. As time went on, my views have changed. Nowadays I wonder is somehow the large population of the earth is triggering change in genetics, so that population growth is slowed with the increase in homosexuality, but everyone can still be happy. The earth and it’s whole eco-system has amazing large-scale ways to make things right, and maybe this is one of them. Now if someone could just explain to me why in the hell, as a heterosexual guy, the idea of lesbianism almost shorts out my brain’s circuits, it’s so exciting. BTW, one of my friends is a lesbian, and I remember at her birthday party a guy friend of mine got her a Victoria’s Secret gift certificate. He said, “Well, I don’t think they have DENIM underwear, but hopefully you can find something you’ll like.” She almost fell off the couch, laughing. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/28 "2003-07-03T12:30:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polairis \* > **"Top Ten Reasons Dildos Are Better Than Men"…** Man, I gotta start hanging out with a better class of dildo. ---
**Author:** ![Dogface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Dogface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogface)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/29 "2003-07-03T14:51:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ElectroSunDog \* > \*\*Dildos don’t try to soup-up the car > > Dildos don’t watch football > > Dildos don’t make chili dog farts > > Dildos don’t go to garage sales and pick up enormous moose heads \*\* So, you’re saying that dildos aren’t like my mother. Yeah, she also likes pro wrestling. ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/30 "2003-07-03T15:19:45Z")
**elfbabe** and **Otto** both did a good job of dispelling the silly notion that lesbians don’t like men and gay men don’t like women. This is a very old-fashioned notion, but it does persist. I remember a friend of my mother’s (I was about 12) saying that the current women’s fashions, which she didn’t like, probably because she was too old and/or bow-legged for mini skirts, were “designed by queers because they hate women.” It seemed to me to be a peculiar way to choose one’s life profession. “Hey, I know! I’m going to spend years and years laboring away in the rag trade, learning about patterns, color, fabrics, tailoring and all that, then struggle mightily to rise to the top of my profession as a fashion designer just so I can produce ugly clothing that makes women look silly because I don’t like 'em!” Perhaps it’s impossible for me to make **Isabelle** understand why I love sex but don’t want a male partner. I’ve always been attracted to females, but married very young because, back in the day, there didn’t seem to be other options, and there was a lot of social pressure that manifested itself as denial. (There’s a lot of literature on this subject, by and about women in my age group.) In my late 20’s and early 30’s I began to acknowledge the truth to myself, and came very close to having an affair with the lovely Diane, but I was still married, and unfaithfulness wasn’t for me. After my divorce, I met _her_, and 7 happy years later, she is still the love of my life, and sex is only one small part of our lives. (If all we are talking about here is simply physical sensation, any woman who likes foreplay should have a female partner – we’re really good at it!) By the way, my partner and I don’t use toys, though we realize we may change our thinking as age and arthritis take their toll! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/31 "2003-07-03T15:56:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polairis \* > \*\*And there is only one reason that men are better than dildos: > > Dildos don’t move furniture \*\* Well, I’ve learned something new today; when you scream and flap your arms, a dildo _ **will** _ remove a spider from the bath. Cool. ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/32 "2003-07-03T18:16:18Z")
Perhaps **Isabelle** would like to address some of the comments made herein? It was her question after all. ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/33 "2003-07-03T18:33:45Z")
I wish someone would try to answer the question **Sigmundex** posed. One of my friends told me she wishes I’d kiss my partner when her husband’s watching because the one time he saw us it worked better than Viagra. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/34 "2003-07-03T18:59:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sigmundex \* > **Now if someone could just explain to me why in the hell, as a heterosexual guy, the idea of lesbianism almost shorts out my brain’s circuits, it’s so exciting.** Because, _for once in your life_, you and a woman can see eye-to-eye on something. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/35 "2003-07-03T21:14:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Now if someone could just explain to me why in the hell, as a heterosexual guy, the idea of lesbianism almost shorts out my brain’s circuits, it’s so exciting. I’ve never understood why this is such a mystery. A typical heterosexual male enjoys thinking about women (in general) having sex. A typical heterosexual male does not enjoy thinking about men (other than himself) having sex. Lesbians allow the possibility of the former, rather than the latter. What’s even better, there are two (or more: Yes, I know that this isn’t too common, but it shows up in the fantasies) women having sex, not just one, and two is better than one. ---
**Author:** ![Susma\_Rio\_Sep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Susma\_Rio\_Sep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susma_Rio_Sep)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/36 "2003-07-04T08:24:33Z")
About lesbians and gays, I have this to say: I don’t have much chance to observe lesbians because I don’t see many of them. They don’t seem so obvious to me, or is it because I didn’t know that they were lesbians. Come to think of it, there were times that I thought I was dealing with a guy and it turned out she’s a female. Now, I am a guy, even though my name here, Susma Rio Sep, sounds like that of a female in the Latin languages. Someone in these forums here, maybe two or three if I remember rightly, asked me what the name means, ‘Susma Rio Sep’; and I told them to try figure it out. Here’s one hint, repeat that name slowly and you might come to its meaning. I can’t seem to recall now, but there was a Roman senator or statesman or some personality with a name ending in the vowel ‘a’, like my ‘Susma’. There must have been several, not just one. And I am hetero, but no negative reflection on gays. Back to lesbians and gays. Please don’t hate me, but the lesbians who I thought were regular guys were not good looking, and not handsome either as guys; it’s the good looking girls whon I could not tell were lesbians, they were really pretty girls; no wonder I could not tell. They had to be pointed out to me. And I thought to myself what a waste, they are so nice looking. How did my friends convince me that they were lesbians? by telling me to observe that they keep girls for ‘girlfriends’ and they don’t like guys. What a waste? but that’s discriminatory and against my liberal and tolerant ideology. So apologies, and I have to be on guard against inherited biases. As I said I don’t see much lesbians, I am more observant of gays. Now, I would like our gay Dopers here to tell me what they think of my insights on gays, I may be wrong; but in any event I have nothing against them for their gender and their lifestyle. Gays have the heart and mind of females though with an anatomy of guys; for sex purposes they prefer guys to women; and correlatively they want to behave like women. Now, some gays dress and look like machos; I was told that among motorcycle cops there are a good number of gays. One woman acquaintance got married to a motorcycle cop who had children with her but was really gay; and that’s her problem with him, he had boyfriends and sometimes a very special one. About clothes and make-ups, if a society is tolerant and even accepting, will you gay Dopers here go about in women’s wears and use make-ups, the way women do? And openly act like women? My main insight here is that gays want to be women only in the libidinous domains, not in the maternity domains. Is that a fair and true assessment? It appears to me that they want to act women for sex with men but not to be mothers or surrogate mothers. Is that right? I guess maybe it is the same with lesbians: they act like men for sex with women, but they are not into being surrogate fathers. My parting remark: I think gays are a very talented lot, commensurately there are more talented people among gays than among heteros. I don’t know about lesbians, but then I am not as acquainted with them as with gays. Parallel-wise, I want to believe that lesbians are more talented than non-lesbian women, number for number, as with gays compared to heteros. Tell me where I am not correct, OK? Susma Rio Sep ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2003, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/37 "2003-07-04T10:11:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Susma Rio Sep \* > \*\* Tell me where I am not correct, OK? > \*\* Well, from round about here… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Susma Rio Sep \* > \*\* Back to lesbians and gays. > \*\* … up until, round about here… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Susma Rio Sep \* > \*\* > Susma Rio Sep \*\* 😃 You might want to check out the Ask the Gay Guy and Ask the Lesbian threads for a broader perspective 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Susma\_Rio\_Sep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Susma\_Rio\_Sep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susma_Rio_Sep)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/38 "2003-07-10T00:33:13Z")
Iteki! You son or daughter of your mother! I love you! Susma Rio Sep ---
**Author:** ![netscape\_6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8c91f0/32.png) [@netscape\_6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/netscape_6)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/39 "2003-07-10T01:02:59Z")
this is funny. when i checked the forum this post was next to a post about batteries. ---
**Author:** ![Susma\_Rio\_Sep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Susma\_Rio\_Sep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susma_Rio_Sep)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819/40 "2003-07-10T01:41:42Z")
I am back, Iteki; and I still love you. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Susma Rio Sep \* > \*\*Iteki! > > You son or daughter of your mother! I love you! > > Susma Rio Sep \*\* Thanks for the reference. But if you are receptive, I always prefer to have some personal reactions from my responding fellow posters. If I may then, please show me how my observations, in your knowledge and views, are in need of corrections. Thanks for any favor you could and would render in this respect. The joy for me in these forums here is to receive personal replies in reaction to my own posts. Of course I will also read their references and cites, but first the personal responses. Best regards, Susma Rio Sep [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-dildos/185819.md?page=3)