# Lesbian's partner is on her deathbed. Inform her estranged, homophobic, much-missed parents? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 26, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-partner-is-on-her-deathbed-inform-her-estranged-homophobic-much-missed-parents/710937 "2015-01-26T18:24:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2015, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-partner-is-on-her-deathbed-inform-her-estranged-homophobic-much-missed-parents/710937/61 "2015-01-28T06:39:15Z")
> [@akennett](#): > > This one is beyond simple. Jonni’s parents are complete and total assholes and contacting them would potentially cause major problems. Jonni is a goner and may not even wake up. So, Frankie should most definitely not contact them (ever!), and instead tell Jonni a little white lie (“Yes, dear, I called them. They said they are so very sorry for everything, and they are on their way.”) should she ask. And she shouldn’t feel one iota of guilt for doing so. > > Protecting her kids and making Jonni feel the most at ease in her final moments are the only things that should matter for Frankie in this situation. Thats nuts and your making a personal judgement call about the parents. Those kids are going to grow up someday and find the truth that Frankie lied and kept them from having grandparents all because Frankie didnt couldnt stand people who wouldnt kiss her gay butt and she was afraid to share. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2015, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-partner-is-on-her-deathbed-inform-her-estranged-homophobic-much-missed-parents/710937/62 "2015-01-28T08:57:19Z")
> [@slash2k](#): > > Otherwise, the general view would be that the courts in the place of residence have jurisdiction, and that would be Mississippi (or possibly Alabama, based on the grandparents’ residence). California would generally be obligated to enforce court orders obtained from the home state. Not to mention that if Frankie takes the kids to California, (and assuming Johnni’s parents can establish that Johnni was the legal parent), then Frankie is not only on the hook for kidnapping, but also for taking the kids across state lines for the purpose. Sounds more and more like Frankie needs to NOT tell Johnni’s folks and spend the rest of her life hoping they never find out. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2015, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-partner-is-on-her-deathbed-inform-her-estranged-homophobic-much-missed-parents/710937/63 "2015-01-28T09:28:06Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Thats nuts and your making a personal judgement call about the parents. Those kids are going to grow up someday and find the truth that Frankie lied and kept them from having grandparents all because Frankie didnt couldnt stand people who wouldnt kiss her gay butt and she was afraid to share. You have a very interesting interpretation of the OP’s hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2015, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-partner-is-on-her-deathbed-inform-her-estranged-homophobic-much-missed-parents/710937/64 "2015-01-28T10:11:20Z")
Yeah, count me firmly in the “fuck those guys” camp. Jonni’s parents have made their intolerance and hate known over decades. Even if it weren’t the case that they couldn’t pull any legal shenanigans, the fact remains that they are incredibly unlikely to change their minds, and are very likely to cause a shitstorm at the hospital. And more to the point: they don’t deserve it. They cut their daughter out of their lives on purpose; why involve them now? Even if Jonni wants it, she’s going to die overnight. A little white lie is by far the best solution for all involved - it makes Jonni happy without putting anything at risk. But throw in the potential legal complications, ranging from not being able to be involved in the funeral proceedings (almost guaranteed) to _losing custody of her children_, and Frankie would have to be an idiot to call them. Also, as for Jonni wanting her kids to know her grandparents… Well, welcome to shitty situations 101. The unfortunate fact is that these people are almost bound to be a bad influence on their children. How would that even work? “Here, I know you hate me and think I ruined your daughter, but have fun taking care of our kids for a few days!” How is that going to work, exactly? > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Thats nuts and your making a personal judgement call about the parents. Those kids are going to grow up someday and find the truth that Frankie lied and kept them from having grandparents all because Frankie didnt couldnt stand people who wouldnt kiss her gay butt and she was afraid to share. :rolleyes: I’m sorry, would you like to have someone in your life who thinks that you are evil, that you corrupted their daughter, and that you should have your children and spouse taken away from you (_and who may have no small amount of legal power to enact those things_)? I wouldn’t, and I’d be perfectly justified in doing so. If your kids ask, you answer, “Yes, but we don’t talk to them because they hate me and your mother for no good reason. They’re bad people.” And “wouldn’t kiss her gay butt”? “Afraid to share”? These people sent their daughter to a deconversion camp and their last interaction with Frankie involved assault and battery. This personal judgment call is absolutely supported by the OP’s hypothetical. These are not good people, they’re virulent homophobes who care more about their own prejudices than they care about their own daughter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lesbians-partner-is-on-her-deathbed-inform-her-estranged-homophobic-much-missed-parents/710937.md?page=3)