# Let’s fix Afghanistan, what’s your silly theory? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 20, 2021, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245 "2021-08-20T23:37:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Paul\_was\_in\_Saudi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@Paul\_was\_in\_Saudi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_was_in_Saudi)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/21 "2021-08-21T10:50:36Z")
The model was South Korea. We stayed in Korea for generations. We stayed through economic ups and downs. We stayed through dictators and stolen elections. We stayed and we provided a model, an example. We spent billions locally on supplies and stuff, we a local salaried class unbeholden to the local strongmen. We married the locals and had children. Tens of thousands of Koreans moved to the US. Thousands of Americans moved to Korea. Hundreds of thousands studied outside Korea. We hardly had a plan at all. But, over many decades, the Korean people developed their own modern state and with it a modern economy. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/22 "2021-08-21T12:08:38Z")
Korea isn’t a great comparison. While a significant portion of the citizenry would love it if we left, no one here in South Korea is actively undermining the American presence or betting that the Kim regime will come in and kill us later this year. That was always the problem in Afghanistan. Remember that news story about the tribal mother in the mountains who thanked US army medics for delivering her baby, and then turned around and named the kid “Osama”? That was a big hint of what was to come. Any effort to oust the Taliban has to come from Afghans. It’s not something outsiders can impose on them. If 20 years and two trillion dollars can’t fix the problem, then the problem cannot be fixed by Americans. We really have no say in it any more. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/23 "2021-08-21T12:54:08Z")
Is there nobody who can convince the Israelis that Afghanistan is really the promised land and that they should colonize it and set up kibbutzim everywhere? If they need some wall to protect themselves Mexico will sure pay for it. And encircling Iran and Irak in one fell swoop is geopolitically a genius move. The more I think about it, the more obvious the advantages seem. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/24 "2021-08-21T13:22:01Z")
Ointment. What you need when you’ve got a Taliban is ointment. ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/25 "2021-08-21T13:25:13Z")
OK, OK, let’s get serious. The Taliban are sartorially challenged. So, we put a Walmart Super Store in every city with a population over 100,000. 20 will do it. The guys get cheap turbans, better hair products and Levis that fit and the women get Pioneer Woman flowered burkas. The garden store can provide all kinds of poppy cultivation accessories and Auto Supply can stock Toyota pick up repair kits. Stuff they need. To change a society you have to join it. The Taliban will only adopt what makes them better Taliban. The way to their hearts and minds is through their daily purchases. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_was\_in\_Saudi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@Paul\_was\_in\_Saudi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_was_in_Saudi)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/26 "2021-08-21T13:25:41Z")
> [@Horatio\_Hellpop](#): > > Korea isn’t a great comparison. While a significant portion of the citizenry would love it if we left, no one here in South Korea is actively undermining the American presence or betting that the Kim regime will come in and kill us later this year. There have been massive demonstrations against the ROK government and against the American presence on the peninsula. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/27 "2021-08-21T13:35:03Z")
It will eventually fix itself. Just wait 600 years for the Afghan people to catch up to where the Western world is now in terms of moral and civic development. ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/28 "2021-08-21T13:37:31Z")
> [@Mr.Duality](#): > > It will eventually fix itself. It would if the trend line was positive. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/29 "2021-08-21T13:40:47Z")
The trend line in the Western world hasn’t always been positive. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/30 "2021-08-21T13:54:05Z")
If I may suggest a slight deviation … Regionally, I think WalMart’s subsidiary might be better suited. I give you … Sa(la)m’s Club ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/31 "2021-08-21T14:06:54Z")
> There have been massive demonstrations against the ROK government and against the American presence on the peninsula. Yes, but these are not from supporters of Kim Jong Un or the North. And those two types of rallies attract very different crowds. The people protesting President Moon Jae-In tend to be rabidly conservative supporters of Hong Joon-pyo, they love Trump, and they enthusiastically wave American flags at their rallies. ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/32 "2021-08-21T14:08:18Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > Sa(la)m’s Club I like it! ---
**Author:** ![Kimera757](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kimera757/32/3765_2.png) [@Kimera757](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimera757)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/33 "2021-08-21T14:08:21Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > If instead we’d taken those power plants and hospitals and given them to US business people on the condition they and their family live in country we would have had a bunch of entrepreneurs rushing over. I think there would be fewer entrepreneurs once terrorists killed a few of them. I can’t imagine trying to raise a family in a dangerous country that hates you. I could picture myself going to a dangerous country to work (although it would take a huge incentive to do so, as I value my skin) but there’s no way I would ever risk a spouse and non-adult children like that. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/34 "2021-08-21T14:18:25Z")
I have a running theory that most of the Middle East crisis(es) are due to people being constantly hot, sweaty, thirsty, and cranky. Plus, sand getting where sand ought not to be. Therefore, my silly solution is to give everyone in the region a juice box, a cookie, a nice long shower, and a nap in front of an A/C unit blowing cold air hard & fast. Guarantee they wake up from the nap refreshed, and less cranky. Plus, we can take away their guns while they’re sleeping. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/35 "2021-08-21T14:23:10Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > Sa(la)m’s Club Stocked with things like Taliban roll on deodorant, Talibanlon slacks, low fatwa yogurt, Harry Belafonte records (Come, Mr. Taliban, tally me banana…) ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/36 "2021-08-21T14:24:42Z")
I LOL’d ! ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/37 "2021-08-21T14:33:40Z")
> [@asahi](#): > > Historically, ISTM the way to change a culture forever is to completely overwhelm it to the point where the culture either doesn’t exist anymore or that it’s so small and weak that it is insignificant. Examples being the way that China has crushed Tibet and the Uighurs in Xinjiang, or the way that indigenous tribes were dealt with by the Americans. I certainly don’t want to see the U.S. or any power attempt to reform Afghanistan in that manner, but the reality is, that’s probably what it would take. I said twenty years ago that this was fundamentally a cultural war, and as such we should deploy our three most powerful cultural weapons to fight it: Video games, feminism, and pornography. Give every kid in the country a Game Boy (probably a Switch, these days?), give every woman a copy of all the major feminist texts, like “Our Bodies, Ourselves”, and give every man free, high-speed access to all the internet porn they want. Don’t actually ban religion or anything, but just make it a pain in the ass to attend services. Put TSA-style checkpoints in place, and make everyone line up for two hours to get into, and maybe out of, the mosque. Then, every time they go to a service, they’re stuck in line for hours on end, watching stupid security theater happen right in front of them, all the while thinking, “Man, I could be watching porn/playing Pokemon/destroying the patriarchy right now, instead of this bullshit!” I give it six months before 90% of the population never set foot in a mosque ever again. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/38 "2021-08-21T14:41:13Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > Regionally, I think WalMart’s subsidiary might be better suited. > > I give you … > > Sa(la)m’s Club Yeah, a chain of Target stores might not go as well. To encourage tourism, maybe a national hotel franchise, “Inn’Chalet!” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/39 "2021-08-21T14:43:28Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Harry Belafonte records (Come, Mr. Taliban, tally me banana…) I thought, “Oh, Jesus.” Then I realized how well _that_ would go over. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2021, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245/40 "2021-08-21T15:11:13Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > all ultimately bankrupted in trying to maintain such empires Wait so you argument is that colonists was bad for France, Spain, Portugal, and the Dutch because they eventually stopped? There were many successful colonies where the colonial population is still the dominant one today. Even if you wanted to list the US as an unsuccessful one they were still successful for the first ~200 years. I think the colonists breaking away from the US and forming their own country that rules itself for 200 years would be a raging success in the region. > [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > False premise; the United States has controlled exactly nothing in Afghanistan outside of major cities and FOBs, And as you said Afghanistan is mostly a pile of rocks. What was there to control outside of the cities? Large mining operation? Hospitals? No there were no strategic objectives. The US controlled its strategic objectives and could go back and take the whole country before the end of the 2021 if they wanted too. > [@asahi](#): > > Silly theories because trying to conquer Afghanistan is, historically speaking, quite difficult. They’ve sent the last three empires packing. Exactly, there is zero chance the US would have ever colonized Afghanistan. There is a higher chance of taking over Mexico. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/let-s-fix-afghanistan-what-s-your-silly-theory/949245.md?page=3)