# Let's come up with totally ridiculous arguments against SSM **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898 "2010-09-15T22:28:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/41 "2010-09-16T12:43:07Z")
SSM came up in the Indiana State Senate, and one particularly pointy-headed conservative senator (Patricia Miller) had the main argument of “gays can’t reproduce, if we allow SSM, the world will become depopulated”. I think she seemed to believe that allowing SSM would somehow force EVERYONE to marry the nearest same sexed person and never have reproductive sex ever again. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/42 "2010-09-16T13:11:06Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > SSM came up in the Indiana State Senate, and one particularly pointy-headed conservative senator (Patricia Miller) had the main argument of “gays can’t reproduce, if we allow SSM, the world will become depopulated”. I think she seemed to believe that allowing SSM would somehow force EVERYONE to marry the nearest same sexed person and never have reproductive sex ever again. Well, I wonder if her argument is a case of wrongly generalizing Derleth’s “…then that’s it for me.” argument. > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Gay marriages will make lesbian relationships seem normal and boring, therefore ruining the arousal value of girl-on-girl porn. Even worse, there will be all kinds of woman-woman wedding pictures in newspapers, showing what real lesbians look like\*. Thereby ruining the arousal value of lesbian fantasies. - – real lesbians of course look just like any other human beings, as opposed to airbrushed Playboy bunnies pretending to make out with each other. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/43 "2010-09-16T13:27:44Z")
Since gay people can’t reproduce, they have to recruit our children–Anita Bryant I can’t begin to tell you what is wrong with that statement–Marge Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/44 "2010-09-16T13:31:26Z")
You’ve seen that show _Bridezillas_? The one where brides-to-be throw a conniption because they aren’t getting every damn person on the planet to kowtow to their obsessive greed? Now imagine a spinoff where all the couples are gay men. I’m already violently allergic to _Bridezillas_; a double bill of that and _But It’s MY Gay Wedding!_ might be enough to put me permanently down for the count. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/45 "2010-09-16T13:51:53Z")
If gays can marry then **Barack HUSSEIN Obama**!!! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/46 "2010-09-16T13:54:07Z")
We got to keep gay people gay/happy or we’ll have to find a new term for them. And Lord knows you can’t be happy and married at the same time. Tough OP when you get down to it. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/47 "2010-09-16T13:56:34Z")
Anyway, it’s illegal to have more than one toaster oven per household, innit? ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/48 "2010-09-16T14:39:32Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > SSM came up in the Indiana State Senate, and one particularly pointy-headed conservative senator (Patricia Miller) had the main argument of “gays can’t reproduce, if we allow SSM, the world will become depopulated”. I think she seemed to believe that allowing SSM would somehow force EVERYONE to marry the nearest same sexed person and never have reproductive sex ever again. I don’t know about you, but I spend a LOT of time practicing non-reproductive sex. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/49 "2010-09-16T14:50:00Z")
The increased demand for “throwing rice” will exacerbate the United State’s trade deficit, destroying our superpower status and permanently placing us under the economic yoke of China and other “yellow menace” nations eager for payback. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/50 "2010-09-16T14:50:06Z")
Marriage is for reproduction, and gays can’t reproduce. But we let infertile people marry. Are you saying all post-menopausal women should not be allowed to marry? No, but children need both a mother and a father. So pregnant single women should be forced to give their newborn babies to a real couple. Even the 9/11 widows who gave birth? Or should we give them six months to remarry before we take their children away? BECAUSE SSM IS WRONG, DAMMIT! ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/51 "2010-09-16T14:50:27Z")
Marriage itself is wrong, it traps people in relationships when they need to explore other people. It would be unfair to impose the concept of marriage on homosexuals and restrict their choices, heterosexuals are already used to the concept, and it would be too hard to stop them, so they can continue. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/52 "2010-09-16T14:52:44Z")
Groom’s cake is, by law in 49 states, chocolate. If there is no groom, there is no chocolate cake. I’m not spending good money for lame tasting fondant cake. No gifts= businesses close, further ruining the economy. ---
**Author:** ![Kyrie\_Eleison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kyrie_eleison/32/7682_2.png) [@Kyrie\_Eleison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyrie_Eleison)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/53 "2010-09-16T14:55:59Z")
Gay marriage will cause hurricanes. Oh, wait, sorry that’s abortions. Gay marriage causes blizzards. Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine and New Hampshire? Far more blizzards than Texas and Florida, and now you know why! ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/54 "2010-09-16T15:51:13Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > SSM came up in the Indiana State Senate, and one particularly pointy-headed conservative senator (Patricia Miller) had the main argument of “gays can’t reproduce, if we allow SSM, the world will become depopulated”. I think she seemed to believe that allowing SSM would somehow force EVERYONE to marry the nearest same sexed person and never have reproductive sex ever again. Well, Barack **HUSSEIN** Obamer is taking our freedoms away, and after he takes our guns and uses his death panels to kill our grandmothers, he’s going to force people to gay marry. Trust me on this. ---
**Author:** ![cuberdon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/45deac/32.png) [@cuberdon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuberdon)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/55 "2010-09-16T16:12:02Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > No one will know who’s supposed to wear the garter. Why not both? ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/56 "2010-09-16T16:17:22Z")
> [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](#): > > Groom’s cake is, by law in 49 states, chocolate. If there is no groom, there is no chocolate cake. I’m not spending good money for lame tasting fondant cake. No gifts= businesses close, further ruining the economy. Now that is a good argument. Chocolate . . . yum . . . Also, gay marriage turned me into a newt! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/57 "2010-09-16T16:24:38Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > > [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](#): > > > > Groom’s cake is, by law in 49 states, chocolate. If there is no groom, there is no chocolate cake. I’m not spending good money for lame tasting fondant cake. No gifts= businesses close, further ruining the economy. > > Now that is a good argument. Chocolate . . . yum . . . > > Also, gay marriage turned me into a newt! A newt??? (someone had to post the set-up) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/58 "2010-09-16T16:32:48Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > Hey, maybe that’s why Jesus hates gay marriage.\* It screws up his hierarchy: Jesus controls Man, Man controls Wife, Wife controls Children. If Jesus doesn’t know who to boss around, everything falls apart. > > \*he was known for his hate, after all No, you’re thinking of Gandhi. Jesus was the guy who wanted to abolish capital gains taxes. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/59 "2010-09-16T16:48:31Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > A newt??? > (someone had to post the set-up) I got better. > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > No, you’re thinking of Gandhi. > > Jesus was the guy who wanted to abolish capital gains taxes. Oh, right! > [@Book of Luke](#): > > 10And the people asked him, saying, What shall we do then? > > 11He answereth and saith unto them, He that hath two coats, let him sell to him that hath none, and consult a CPA for appropriate tax avoidance; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise. > > 12Then came also publicans to be baptized, and said unto him, Master, what shall we do? > > 13And he said unto them, Lobby against estate taxes, that your family may retain its millions. > > 14And the soldiers likewise demanded of him, saying, And what shall we do? And he said unto them, Bomb those ragheads back to the stone age, trumping up evidence of WMDs if necessary; and don’t ask, don’t tell. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/60 "2010-09-16T16:50:41Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Marriage itself is wrong, it traps people in relationships when they need to explore other people. It would be unfair to impose the concept of marriage on homosexuals and restrict their choices, heterosexuals are already used to the concept, and it would be too hard to stop them, so they can continue. Heh. You know, this is probably the _best_ argument against same-sex marriage I’ve ever heard. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898.md?page=4)