# Let's come up with totally ridiculous arguments against SSM **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898 "2010-09-15T22:28:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/81 "2010-09-17T16:30:26Z")
It would make those damn Liberal Humanist Atheist Democrats _happy._ ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/82 "2010-09-17T17:51:32Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > TCM is _already_ playing _South Pacific_. Do you _want_ FOX News to air a production of “La Cage Aux Folles” starring Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck? This would _so_ make me watch FOX News! ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/83 "2010-09-17T19:24:02Z")
> [@descamisado](#): > > Anyway, it’s illegal to have more than one toaster oven per household, innit? It’s not a good idea to plug them in on the same circuit and use them at the same time. Heating appliances draw a lot of current. If we have SSM, there will be more two-toaster-oven households. More people will plug two toaster ovens in on the same circuit and attempt to use them at the same time, which will cause fires. There will also be more toaster ovens with crumbs in the crumb trays. Those crumbs can catch on fire, too (Mr. Neville managed to do this once). There will be more weddings. People eat and drink a lot at weddings, so more people will be overweight or obese. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/84 "2010-09-18T00:35:39Z")
If SSM was legal in Virginia the lesbian couple from across the street might move back. Then they might fight with the couple that owns the house now. This is terrible - two couples I both like fighting with each other. The three women might start rolling in the mud and tearing each others’ clothes … … … I’m sorry, what were we talking about? ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/85 "2010-09-18T05:36:57Z")
The economy will collapse from less people buying new clothes since they can just share with their spouse. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/86 "2010-09-18T08:27:50Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > The economy will collapse from less people buying new clothes since they can just share with their spouse. That’s actually a legitimate one. The only thing that stops me doing that is I generally end up dating guys who are taller than me. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/87 "2010-09-18T09:05:51Z")
Allowing Same-Sex Marriages to become legal and commonplace will cause the population to shift towards being more liberal-leaning, cosmopolitan, progressive, etc. These kinds of people tend to have a more prudent and foresighted attitude towards birth control and starting families, meaning they tend to have less children than their sociological competitors. This will, naturally, lead to them being out-bred by said competitors, particularly the lesser races, perhaps to the point of extinction. And if the castes being outbred were the ones controlling the engine of western civilization, the future of humanity will be damned to centuries of darkness, barbarism, and insanity. A world in flames, with only a shroud of ash to mark the spot where it climbed onto it’s own ghat. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/88 "2010-09-18T09:23:26Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > Allowing Same-Sex Marriages to become legal and commonplace will cause the population to shift towards being more liberal-leaning, cosmopolitan, progressive, etc. These kinds of people tend to have a more prudent and foresighted attitude towards birth control and starting families, meaning they tend to have less children than their sociological competitors. > > This will, naturally, lead to them being out-bred by said competitors, particularly the lesser races, perhaps to the point of extinction. And if the castes being outbred were the ones controlling the engine of western civilization, the future of humanity will be damned to centuries of darkness, barbarism, and insanity. A world in flames, with only a shroud of ash to mark the spot where it climbed onto it’s own ghat. Translation: what, you want the muslims to win??!?!?!? ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/89 "2010-09-18T16:41:34Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > Allowing Same-Sex Marriages to become legal and commonplace will cause the population to shift towards being more liberal-leaning, cosmopolitan, progressive, etc. These kinds of people tend to have a more prudent and foresighted attitude towards birth control and starting families, meaning they tend to have less children than their sociological competitors. > > This will, naturally, lead to them being out-bred by said competitors, particularly the lesser races, perhaps to the point of extinction. And if the castes being outbred were the ones controlling the engine of western civilization, the future of humanity will be damned to centuries of darkness, barbarism, and insanity. A world in flames, with only a shroud of ash to mark the spot where it climbed onto it’s own ghat. Half of this was an actual argument I found through the FRC. If gay marriage, then less association of marriage with birth, then lower birth rates, then . . . well the end of civilization somehow. I know that a shrinking population would pose some challenges, but fewer, better-planned residents on this rock would be a net benefit, wouldn’t it? Oh wait - these people probably think global warming and other population-related ills are a liberal hoax. Never mind . . . ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/90 "2010-09-18T17:06:14Z")
If gays are allowed to marry, social conservatives will have to find a new minority to oppress and strip rights away from. It could be you, pal. Think about it. If gays are allowed to marry, there’ll be a shortage of wedding gowns and cummerbunds. Wedding dresses already cost half your savings, you want they should cost even more ? If gays are allowed to marry, there’ll always be a doubt when someone says “my husband and I” or “my wife and I” on the interwebs. Is the poster male or female ? Thus, communication starts to break down. Soon enough, we’ll only speak gibberish, and the Communists will have won. If gays are allowed to marry, male and female jacks & sockets will make no sense any more. We’ll have to redesign our entire electrical and information network from the ground up. Electronics engineers will have to go back to college to learn the new conventions. Who’s going to pay for all this ? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/91 "2010-09-18T18:24:19Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > If gays are allowed to marry, social conservatives will have to find a new minority to oppress and strip rights away from. It could be you, pal. Think about it. Unfortunately, that argument doesn’t seem totally ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/92 "2010-09-18T19:15:47Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > Half of this was an actual argument I found through the FRC. If gay marriage, then less association of marriage with birth, then lower birth rates, then . . . well the end of civilization somehow. If you like, I could cook up an argument saying that SSM would be a _good_ thing because, if the reproduction issues I mentioned are managed (or countered) correctly, they can be used to force civilization into a genocidal war over food and resources, eventually leading to institutionalized cannibalism and a glorious neurological purification campaign. (That’s the _pro_ SSM plan, remember) Smiles, ev’ry body! 😃 (That last one’s inspired mostly by Philip K. Dick. I think the first argument was mostly Cyril Kornbluth. With some Goebbels.) ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2010, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/93 "2010-09-18T23:01:57Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > If gays are allowed to marry, there’ll always be a doubt when someone says “my husband and I” or “my wife and I” on the interwebs. Is the poster male or female ? Thus, communication starts to break down. Soon enough, we’ll only speak gibberish, and the Communists will have won. **Kobal2** , 1991 is on the phone for you, it has news it wants to break to you apparently. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/94 "2010-09-19T01:30:51Z")
Let’s not forget the perfectly serious article on [beliefnet.com](http://beliefnet.com) a while back explaining SSM is harmful to straight women, because it lowers the bar; young boys are going to look around as they grow up and see men marrying men, and they’re going to realize: ANYTHING GOES! They will spurn women and just get it on with each other! Sex with anyone and anything will be perfectly acceptable! Why go through all that dating, wooing, getting-to-know-you bullcrap, trying to get married to some picky woman? This was so ludicrously hilarious, the author of that little fantasy got a zillion scornful responses from every combination of humans out there! ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/95 "2010-09-19T03:48:16Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > The only thing that stops me doing that is I generally end up dating guys who are taller than me. LOL. I usually date guys shorter than me (I consider it a novelty to “kiss up”) but I usually only end up with some souvenir undies (from the guys - for some reason with the girls I would take a hat instead). ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/96 "2010-09-19T04:05:34Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > > [@Revtim](#): > > > > If gays can marry, what’s to stop geographical features, like mountains and lakes, from marrying each other? Or literary concepts? Or tax laws? > > Or Og forbid, those damned Silly Bandz; ugh. What if _they_ start getting married?? And then, and then (no, I can’t even say it; the _horror_; Oh, OK, I can’t leave you hanging, I’ll say it) what if the Silly Bandz can reproduce? Oh, yeah, I’ve got a 10YO daughter. I already have _enough_ of those fuckers around the house! > > And if Silly Bandz can reproduce, then soon, you’re going to have gays that want kids, too, and since they’re gay, they’re going to have to find a cooperative _heterosexual-the-way-God-intended-us-to-be_ to help out. But what if they can’t find a cooperative heterosexual? They’re going to have to _kidnap_ heterosexuals, so _they_ (the gays, I mean) can have the same rights as Silly Bandz, and have children. Then, obviously (duh) they’ll raise their children to be gay, and their gay children will have to kidnap _more_ straight people so _they_ can have kids, and before you know it, all the straight people will have been kidnapped, and will be held prisoner as long as they can help with reproduction. When they are too old to do that, the gay people will call up Obama’s Death Panel and go all Kevorkian on their asses. > > And don’t even get me _started_ on if geographical features decide to reproduce. . .foothills everywhere, I tells ya! Muy Muy lovely, Hon. Thread winner! ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/97 "2010-09-19T20:32:26Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > > [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > > > The only thing that stops me doing that is I generally end up dating guys who are taller than me. > > LOL. I usually date guys shorter than me (I consider it a novelty to “kiss up”) but I usually only end up with some souvenir undies (from the guys - for some reason with the girls I would take a hat instead). Yet more proof that we’re destined to be together. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/98 "2010-09-20T08:26:18Z")
> [@elelle](#): > > > [@norinew](#): > > > > Or Og forbid, those damned Silly Bandz; ugh. What if _they_ start getting married?? And then, and then (no, I can’t even say it; the _horror_; Oh, OK, I can’t leave you hanging, I’ll say it) what if the Silly Bandz can reproduce? Oh, yeah, I’ve got a 10YO daughter. I already have _enough_ of those fuckers around the house! > > > > And if Silly Bandz can reproduce, then soon, you’re going to have gays that want kids, too, and since they’re gay, they’re going to have to find a cooperative _heterosexual-the-way-God-intended-us-to-be_ to help out. But what if they can’t find a cooperative heterosexual? They’re going to have to _kidnap_ heterosexuals, so _they_ (the gays, I mean) can have the same rights as Silly Bandz, and have children. Then, obviously (duh) they’ll raise their children to be gay, and their gay children will have to kidnap _more_ straight people so _they_ can have kids, and before you know it, all the straight people will have been kidnapped, and will be held prisoner as long as they can help with reproduction. When they are too old to do that, the gay people will call up Obama’s Death Panel and go all Kevorkian on their asses. > > > > And don’t even get me _started_ on if geographical features decide to reproduce. . .foothills everywhere, I tells ya! > > Muy Muy lovely, Hon. Thread winner! Why, thank you! 😉 That post was actually written right after I’d cleaned up the living room and picked up about 90 Bazillion of those fucking Silly Bandz! :eek: I am damned _certain_ they are reproducing! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/99 "2010-09-20T18:43:16Z")
If two women get married, who will pay the bride price??? If two men get married, who will pay the dowry??? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/100 "2010-09-20T18:48:31Z")
Slight hijack: A 70 year old man I knew once said “I don’t like what gays do.” I rplied “What do you mean, what gays do? Doyou mean pay taxes, go to the movies, raise children, bake cakes,” and went on for about five minutes listing mundane tasks. Then I said “Do you want to be judged for something you do one hour a week?” He replied “One hour a week if I’m lucky.” Later he told me that completely changed his mind on the subject. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898.md?page=6)