# Let's come up with totally ridiculous arguments against SSM **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898 "2010-09-15T22:28:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/101 "2010-09-20T19:14:50Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > If two women get married, who will pay the bride price??? > > If two men get married, who will pay the dowry??? These days, both men and women tend to bring a dowry. They live on their own for a few years before getting married, so they have stuff from before they were married. That stuff helps them in setting up a household together, which is the original purpose of a dowry. I would assume gays generally live on their own and accumulate stuff for at least a few years before they get married, so they have a dowry. When I was about to marry Mr. Neville, I referred to my stuff I had gotten before I got married as my dowry. When Mr. Neville and I moved in together, we actually needed to cull our stuff more than we needed to get more stuff. We had two of a lot of the things we needed. I’m wondering if a pre-wedding yard sale or trip to Goodwill is one day going to replace wedding gifts (or at least non-cash wedding gifts), now that most people getting married don’t actually need more household stuff. > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I rplied “What do you mean, what gays do? Doyou mean pay taxes, go to the movies, raise children, bake cakes,” and went on for about five minutes listing mundane tasks. If teh gheys bake cakes, we’ll all get even fatter. Eventually, this will cause the Earth to crash into the Sun. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/102 "2010-09-20T19:56:37Z")
If gays can get married, they’ll start buying wedding rings. That means the price of diamonds will go up. Even conflict diamonds! Don’t you care about _Africa_? ---
**Author:** ![may\_be\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@may\_be\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/may_be_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/103 "2010-09-20T20:12:53Z")
I always thought the governments argument was totally ridiculous. It messes with taxes. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/104 "2010-09-20T20:23:09Z")
> [@may\_be\_ignorant](#): > > I always thought the governments argument was totally ridiculous. It messes with taxes. The real reason is that it messes with somebody’s database. We’d have to hire a bunch of programmers to figure out which programs same-sex marriage creates a problem with and solve it, like we did with Y2K. Some haters think IT people having jobs is a bad thing. But it keeps us off the streets, and keeps us from experimenting with things like [liquid oxygen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_H._Goble). I guess that puts firefighters out of work. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/105 "2010-09-20T23:18:11Z")
If gay people can get married, then what will I do with all my righteous indignation? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/106 "2010-09-21T00:02:25Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > If gay people can get married, then what will I do with all my righteous indignation? Illegal aliens. Duh. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/107 "2010-09-21T00:13:48Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > > [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > > > If gay people can get married, then what will I do with all my righteous indignation? > > Illegal aliens. > > Duh. > > 😉 And Muslims. Don’t forget the Muslims. ---
**Author:** ![Peeta\_Mellark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Peeta\_Mellark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peeta_Mellark)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/108 "2010-09-21T00:23:24Z")
If you allow homosexuals to marry, they will then feel less pressure to stay in the closet. With less pressure to stay in the closet, they’ll be less likely to marry an opposite sex partner. With fewer of them marrying opposite sex partners, fewer homosexuals will reproduce. With fewer homosexuals reproducing, teh gay genes will be lost. When teh gay genes are lost, there will be no interior decorators left. Won’t someone think of the interior decorators? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/109 "2010-09-21T01:01:04Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > > [@may\_be\_ignorant](#): > > > > I always thought the governments argument was totally ridiculous. It messes with taxes. > > The real reason is that it messes with somebody’s database. We’d have to hire a bunch of programmers to figure out which programs same-sex marriage creates a problem with and solve it, like we did with Y2K. I linked to a really great article on this very topic in my first post to this thread. Apparently, the problem is called ‘Y2Gay’, the databases that cope with it are ‘gaytabases’, which are accessed using ‘Structured Queer Language’. … and it’s puns like those that mean gays can never marry! Also, if gays can marry here, all the Queero Mexicanos will be coming here and becoming illegal gayliens. That might cause Lou Dobbs’ head to explode on air. Will nobody think of Lou Dobbs? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/110 "2010-09-21T01:47:10Z")
> [@Peeta\_Mellark](#): > > If you allow homosexuals to marry, they will then feel less pressure to stay in the closet. With less pressure to stay in the closet, they’ll be less likely to marry an opposite sex partner. With fewer of them marrying opposite sex partners, fewer homosexuals will reproduce. With fewer homosexuals reproducing, teh gay genes will be lost. When teh gay genes are lost, there will be no interior decorators left. > > Won’t someone think of the interior decorators? And if all the gays come _out_ of the closet, we all know there will be more room _in_ the closet for wire hangers! And when that happens, eventually we will be over-run with wire hangers. Won’t someone think of the landfills?? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/111 "2010-09-21T02:42:33Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > If gay people can get married, then what will I do with all my righteous indignation? “…what _you_ goin’ to do nights from now on? What you goin’ to _do_ nights. Mr. Teece?” —The Martian Chronicles ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/112 "2010-09-21T12:09:39Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > > [@Peeta\_Mellark](#): > > > > If you allow homosexuals to marry, they will then feel less pressure to stay in the closet. With less pressure to stay in the closet, they’ll be less likely to marry an opposite sex partner. With fewer of them marrying opposite sex partners, fewer homosexuals will reproduce. With fewer homosexuals reproducing, teh gay genes will be lost. When teh gay genes are lost, there will be no interior decorators left. > > > > Won’t someone think of the interior decorators? > > And if all the gays come _out_ of the closet, we all know there will be more room _in_ the closet for wire hangers! And when that happens, eventually we will be over-run with wire hangers. Won’t someone think of the landfills?? And the closet-makers will go out of business! Won’t someone think of the closet-makers?!? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/113 "2010-09-21T13:27:02Z")
On the other hand, closet door repairmen will see an increase in their business thanks to all the people coming out. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/114 "2010-09-21T15:06:57Z")
Plus there will be all that extra storage space for dead bodies. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/115 "2010-09-21T15:47:54Z")
Cmon. Who will the people whose sole achievement in life is marrying a person of the opposite sex have to look down on, if gays are allowed to marry? Won’t somebody think of the useless? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/116 "2010-09-21T16:13:37Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > Cmon. Who will the people whose sole achievement in life is marrying a person of the opposite sex have to look down on, if gays are allowed to marry? Won’t somebody think of the useless? There’s always the white supremacy movement for them to fall back on. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/117 "2010-09-21T16:56:55Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > And if all the gays come _out_ of the closet, we all know there will be more room _in_ the closet for wire hangers! And when that happens, eventually we will be over-run with wire hangers. Won’t someone think of the landfills?? NO WIRE HANGERS!!! Won’t someone think of the late Joan Crawford? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/118 "2010-09-21T17:01:28Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > Cmon. Who will the people whose sole achievement in life is marrying a person of the opposite sex have to look down on, if gays are allowed to marry? Won’t somebody think of the useless? Just because somebody’s allowed to get married, doesn’t mean you can’t disapprove. Lots of people look down on people who marry their cousins, or who get married very young, or who marry ugly, poor, or otherwise undesirable people. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898/119 "2010-09-21T17:38:08Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > > [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > > > Cmon. Who will the people whose sole achievement in life is marrying a person of the opposite sex have to look down on, if gays are allowed to marry? Won’t somebody think of the useless? > > There’s always the white supremacy movement for them to fall back on. That would work if the only people to disapprove of gay marriage were white. They aren’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-come-up-with-totally-ridiculous-arguments-against-ssm/553898.md?page=5)