# Let's design THE heart-unhealthy meal of all time! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 4, 2003, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485 "2003-10-04T02:54:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/1 "2003-10-04T02:54:10Z")
I just found from my Doc that I’ve reduced my cholesterol from 296 to 147. And in the last 3 months I’ve lost 25 pounds, quit smoking, and drastically reduced my blood pressure. I’ve been fasting, exercising, craving smokes and being a good boy. It’s time to splurge – I’ve earned it, dammit! So, let’s say that, just for one meal, I get to cheat and eat the most unhealthy, cholesterol soaked, transfatty, evil stuff imaginable. What would be the most unhealthy meal for your heart that could be designed for one sitting? Anyone have a “heart attack on a plate” to recommend? Help me be reckless, just this once! ---
**Author:** ![NFlanders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@NFlanders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NFlanders)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/2 "2003-10-04T02:58:39Z")
An egg, bacon and cheese sandwich with donuts for bread and dipped in gravy? Mmmmmmmm… donuts for bread… ---
**Author:** ![peri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@peri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peri)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/3 "2003-10-04T03:13:17Z")
The local diner serves pure cholesterol on a plate: 3 french toast wedges, 3 eggs, 3 sausage, 3 bacon. Yummy. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/4 "2003-10-04T03:15:04Z")
chili cheese dog. mmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/5 "2003-10-04T03:16:03Z")
A lard pie! With [Fried Pie dough!](http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/dessertex/msg081735515047.html) ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/6 "2003-10-04T03:19:46Z")
Hmm, when writing the OP, I was thinking of: “Breaded French Fried Shrimp and Pan Fried Beef Liver, Alfredo, over Hash Browns, ala Crisco ala mode.” …but thought that wasn’t creative enough. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/7 "2003-10-04T03:31:03Z")
**squeegee,** I don’t have much to contribute to the thread, but after reading this- > [@](#): > > I’ve reduced my cholesterol from 296 to 147. And in the last 3 months I’ve lost 25 pounds, quit smoking, and drastically reduced my blood pressure, I feel compelled to offer kudos on one of the more amazing accomplishments I’ve seen or heard of in a while. Seriously, congratulations, you must have the willpower of a freakin’ mongoose. Or a badger, or something. A lot of willpower. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/8 "2003-10-04T03:42:21Z")
Grilled cheese sandwiches, with REAL butter or bacon grease. Even better, fry up a few slices of bacon, drain most of the grease from the pan, and make grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches in the grease, adding more grease as necessary. If you still have leftover bacon grease, fry up some potatoes and onions in them. Very delicious, and I’m not supposed to even THINK about this kind of stuff! ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/9 "2003-10-04T04:09:35Z")
pasta alla carbonara, if made properly, is hard to beat – I believe it was once called “heart attack on a plate.” Cream, butter, bacon, cheese … mmmm. Wash it down with care au lait made with real cream, and have a dessert of cheesecake. You’ve earned it! ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/10 "2003-10-04T04:11:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jimmy Chitwood \* > I feel compelled to offer kudos on one of the more amazing accomplishments I’ve seen or heard of in a while… Hey, thanks. You’re very kind. I just got on a roll on the weight and smoking, and I humbly realize that these things can turn around quickly, I’m not nearly done with either issue. Cholestorol and BP were a combination of the weight loss and quitting smoking, respectively, plus Lipitor and Diovan from my doc. So I surely can’t claim all the credit myself. But now it’s Squeegee’s Day off. Let’s pig. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/11 "2003-10-04T04:48:36Z")
I’m going to be a party pooper and suggest a long walk to someplace with a terrific view instead of the food reward. ---
**Author:** ![Granuaile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecccb3/32.png) [@Granuaile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Granuaile)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/12 "2003-10-04T04:57:05Z")
I present, for your ventricular consideration… **Cream of Brie soup**. I highly suggest having a cardiologist present while eating this. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/13 "2003-10-04T05:05:55Z")
Wow, **Lynn** I have an _admin_ designing killer meals for me? \ 🙂 I like the grease-in-stuff-in-grease approach --nice! > [@](#): > > pasta alla carbonara, if made properly, is hard to beat Hmmm, I thought pasta alla carbonara was basically pasta + eggs+ bacon bits. Isn’t Alfredo much more lethal ? In fact, IIRC, the “Heart Attack” comment was made by CSPI in regards to [Fettucini Alfredo:](http://www.cspinet.org/nah/ital.html) > [@](#): > > 1. Fettucini Alfredo (58%, 97 g fat). The worst dish you can buy. …Its 47 grams of artery-clogging saturated fat are more than twice your daily limit. (Lest you take leave of your senses and eat five McDonald’s Quarter Pounders.) > [@](#): > > I’m going to be a party pooper and suggest a long walk to someplace with a terrific view instead of the food reward. Thanks, but… that’s been my reward since June, and I’ve taken that reward several times. But now I just want **one** day off, and then back to the mines. One meal, then I continue not smoking and eating right. mmKay? ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/14 "2003-10-04T05:13:51Z")
I recommend either of these recipies from _The Simpsons_: **The Good Morning Burger** ingredients: 18oz ground beef patty 6-8 tbl. of rich creamy butter 8 stripes of bacon 4 slices of ham 3 fried eggs instructions: sizzle the ground beef, bacon, ham, and eggs on the grill. place the beef on a bun, the top with bacon, ham and eggs. soak in butter. **Homer’ s Patented Space-Age Moon Waffles** ingredients: 1 package of caramel squares 2 cups waffle batter 1 bottle liqiud smoke 1 stick of butter instuctions: place caramel in the waffle iron pour on waffle batter add liquid smoke to taste cook thoroughly take the stick of butter and wrap the moon waffle around it place it on a toothpic and serve makes 1 unfortunate serving Try either with a Flaming Moe. I hope you enjoyed life. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/15 "2003-10-04T05:35:26Z")
you’re right, I meant alfredo. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/16 "2003-10-04T05:39:51Z")
I already ate it…at a Springfield DopeFest. A few mini-strokes since obliterated the exact names but the components still linger fondly what remains of my mind, not to mention intestional tract and arteries. It was Death On A Plate–and worth it. (Copious amounts of beer were involved.) **The Pony Shoe, or Sumpin’** [ul] - a huge, heated white oval platter - an obscene amount of french fries - some honkin’ amount–metric, Kelvin, troy–of prime midwestern ground cow, cooked medium rare - lashings of some suave, butter-enriched, yummy white cheese goo dripped over top[/ul] With plenty of salt strewn atop, and the Tabasco I cunningly carry along, it was the food of the gods. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/17 "2003-10-04T05:42:50Z")
Here, have some poutine! Here, have some more. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/18 "2003-10-04T05:44:39Z")
[Ukulele Ike] [Cream of Butter Soup](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3759036#post3759036) More Cream of Butter Soup Asparagus with Danish Butter Artichokes with Melted Butter Buttered Bread Butter with Buttered Butter Butter with Margarine Pancakes with Butter French Toast with Butter French Margarine with Buttered Toast Filet of Sole with Butter Butterfish with Butter Sauce Truffles Fried in Butter with Butter Sauce Lobsters Garnished with Butter Butter Garnished with Dungeness Crab Butter Garnish of Butter with Iranian Sturgeon Caviar Garnish of Iranian Caviar with Butter Fried Scrambled Eggs Scrambled Eggs with Butter Fried Oysters Swine on Buttered Horseback Buttered Horseback _with_ Swine Buttered Swine with Horsemeat Horsebutter with Swineback Swinebutter with Buttered Horse Pork butt with Filet of Butter Filet of Butter with Porked Butt Porked Butter with Filet of Margarine Margarine _a la_ Butter Apple Butter with Margarine Apple Margarine with Filet of Oleo Oleo Cookies Dipped in Butter Deep Fried Oleo Margarine Brick Coated by an Etouffé of Shrimp Paste _en croute_ with a Shellac of Grasshopper Wing Muscles Parboiled in the Bouillabase of Saffron Infused Tea Smoked Peking Style King Crab Roe Wrapped in Mu Shu Pancakes of Scorched Teff Flour Dressed with Nighttime Nazgul Nesting Secretions Harvested by Eunuch Hummingbirds on the Fourteenth of March Subsequent to an Eclipse on the Third Saturday in a Leap Year’s Second Full Moon [/Ukelele Ike] ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/19 "2003-10-04T05:56:56Z")
Banana split for appetizer. Big ugly greasy gyros for dinner. A dozen creme filled Krispy Kreme donuts for desert. Relax on the back porch with a chocolate banana malt. Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485/20 "2003-10-04T06:33:02Z")
I’m sure it’s not tasty enough to be a good “reward meal”, but the subject line immediately made me think of the Swanson “Hungry Man” frozen breakfast. It’s \>1000 calories just for a BREAKFAST! I see them in the freezer every time I go to the store, so I guess there is some kind of demand for them. I get sympathy angina pains for whoever it is that keeps buying that junk. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-design-the-heart-unhealthy-meal-of-all-time/205485.md?page=2)