# Let's do this criminal thing "out in the desert"
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [March 30, 2021, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043 "2021-03-30T19:59:56Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/81 "2021-04-01T04:36:25Z")
So you folk talking about how you can just drive a ways from your place and be hidden from civilization… what would you charge to dump a couple of items?
Need answer… well, not fast. I’m two thousand miles away, and it’ll take a while to get there. I sort of have to drive, those items wouldn’t work as carry-ons.
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### Author:  [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/82 "2021-04-01T04:37:47Z")
as someone who lives in the Mojave desert, there’s tons of places in the antelope valley you could hide bodies and that’s 10 miles outta town … believe me when you’re on the corner of 345th street east and 235th street south and ran outta gas you’d better hope you have a phone on ya …or food and water because your corpse won’t be found for a while
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### Author:  [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/83 "2021-04-01T04:43:43Z")
I spend a lot of time in the desert and can go days without seeing people. Aside from the remoteness, it’s vast, and though you can look across a valley and think it’s flat, it often isn’t. However, the risk of something nefarious being found is not zero because other people are spending time out there, just not necessarily the same time as you.
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### Author:  [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/84 "2021-04-01T04:54:25Z")
> [@Smapti](#):
>
> Just ask [Gram Parsons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Gram_Parsons#Body-theft_incident) about that.
Feh. Why read When you can [watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYuNKbxnZDc)?
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### Author:  [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/85 "2021-04-01T09:44:21Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#):
>
> ISTM the hardest part of dumping a body at sea or in the desert is loading it into your car back in civilization. And in the case of disposal at sea, transferring it later to your boat or airplane for the trip out to the water.
The point of going out on the desert to dispose of a corpse, or, more generally, to conduct some type of clandestine activity, is to be able to work unobserved. Problem is, civilization is teeming with ubiquitous CCTV cameras. So, while much of this thread has been about the elimination of remains, it seems that at least as much attention need be paid by our hypothetical gangsters or serial killers to the fact that activities such as hauling body bags or bin bags to the back of their car (or accompanying a recognizable individual for a little trip!) will likelier than not be video recorded, as will the victim’s last movements, and anyone attempting to trace the disappearance of our Jimmy Hoffa will certainly go looking for such evidence.
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### Author:  [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/86 "2021-04-01T14:48:45Z")
> [@DPRK](#):
>
> So, while much of this thread has been about the elimination of remains, it seems that at least as much attention need be paid by our hypothetical gangsters or serial killers to the fact that activities such as hauling body bags or bin bags to the back of their car (or accompanying a recognizable individual for a little trip!)
Well, if years of playing Grand Theft Auto has taught me anything, it’s that the first thing you buy as an aspiring gangster is your own warehouse or garage. No CCTV behind closed doors!
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/87 "2021-04-01T15:58:31Z")
> [@nightshadea](#):
>
> when you’re on the corner of 345th street east and 235th street south
I haven’t lived there since the mid-'80s, and I haven’t been back there since… I don’t know. 1999? 2003? Somewhere in there. Did they change the naming convention? (I know they did in the cities.) 235th Street sounds like a north-south street that should be ‘235th St W’, and east-west streets when I lived there were lettered streets. So I could see ‘on the corner of W Ave D and 235th St W’ but I’m confused by the two numbered streets.
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### Author:  [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/88 "2021-04-01T16:07:05Z")
> [@Crankyhillbilly](#):
>
> The desert would likely be easier digging . . .
Not a fair assumption. Have you ever tried digging in the desert? Every place I’ve ever taken a backhoe/pickaxe/shovel to in the US’ southwest and the Middle East, I’ve invariably encountered [caliche.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caliche). Sometimes it was 3’ down, sometimes it was 3" down.
DIgging through caliche by hand is far more laborious than you might assume. Heavy equipment and/or explosives were needed to get down far enough for construction. Shallow grave? Sure, maybe . . . but the shallower you go, you raise the risk of discovery by scavengers or humans.
Tripler
Not a “catch-all” rebuttal; caliche is hit-or-miss, but kinda prevalent.
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### Author:  [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/89 "2021-04-01T16:54:04Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#):
>
> ISTM the hardest part of dumping a body at sea or in the desert is loading it into your car back in civilization.
Get a cheap pickup truck with a camper top and fill it with various deer hunting gear and other junk. Just junk. You’ll fit right in, and have plenty of cover to hide a body. As a bonus, any blood that gets on the truck is deer blood until proven otherwise; you can buy a cheap plastic liner to dump or hide to be cautious, however. Other than that, it’s the old advice of only break one law at a time: Have good license plates and tags, make sure your brake lights are working, and drive responsibly.
As far as hiding the body, well, it isn’t technically called a “desert” anymore but eastern Montana, North and South Dakota, and Wyoming are all full of empty high plains with just enough terrain features to hide people quite readily. Dump the body in some anonymous coulee in pastureland in the middle of nowhere and once the coyotes and other scavengers find it, nobody else ever will.
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### Author:  [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/90 "2021-04-01T16:57:34Z")
Aren’t swamps (Everglades, Louisiana bayou) supposed to be ideal body-dumping terrain? Seems like gators and other fauna could disappear a body pretty quickly.
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### Author:  [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/91 "2021-04-01T17:23:27Z")
> [@Derleth](#):
>
> As far as hiding the body, well, it isn’t technically called a “desert” anymore but eastern Montana, North and South Dakota, and Wyoming are all full of empty high plains
Eastern Montana and western ND are in the Bakken formation area: there are quite a few people wandering around there prospecting for oil.
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### Author:  [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/92 "2021-04-01T17:43:45Z")
> [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](#):
>
> Unless you meant some certain type of pool that’s different. But I don’t know. You didn’t say.
Googling “those pools in Yellowstone” brings up enough hits for acid death pools that you likely didn’t need to openly complain about your pet peeve of obscure references. Sometimes people are going to talk about things you don’t know about. In the context of a thread about hiding or disappearing bodies, this wasn’t a real toughie.
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### Author:  [@48Willys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/48Willys)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/93 "2021-04-01T17:45:54Z")
I do not recall if I have ever mentioned this on this site, but I have successfully burned a body leaving zero evidence behind, such as bones.
I was a ranch hand and our task that day was to clear a long abandoned pasture of the small trees that had grown up on it. We used a D4 Cat to bunch the trees into a large pile. It was about 50’ in Diameter.
Just before we set it on fire, we discovered a large cow that had slipped into a muddy pool & had drowned. We could not leave her there as the other livestock drank from the creek just downstream from her body. Her hide would have been OK but we just had no desire to get it as she did not smell very nice. So we used a backhoe to set her atop the pile.
That pile burned for two days with us bunching it fairly often. Both the Cat & the backhoe were used for this. After the coals cooled off, which took about three days, we raked out all of the small debris. There was not much. None of it was identifiable as bones.
We plowed & disc ed it before planting the pasture mix seeds in the field. Even through those processes, we did not find any bones. We were kids then so, Yes, we were looking.
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### Author:  [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/94 "2021-04-01T18:36:30Z")
> [@eschereal](#):
>
> > [@LSLGuy](#):
> >
> > and if you subdivide them to be lighter and easier to handle, they’re very, very messy.
>
> it does help to drain them of their messiest fluid
Sure, but then you’re left with the problem of disposing five gallons or so of easily-staining, DNA-tagged liquids, while ensuring none splashes on your shoes or floormats or hands. @Derleth seems to have the best idea in this regard, which is why I’m going to turn down any invitations to go hunting with him.
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### Author:  [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/95 "2021-04-01T18:42:41Z")
In your example, the snag does not seem to be the incineration of remains per se, but more the huge pyre burning for days. That might draw some attention.
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### Author:  [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/96 "2021-04-01T18:46:19Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#):
>
> And in the case of disposal at sea, transferring it later to your boat or airplane for the trip out to the water.
If you are using a boat, there is really no need to transfer the body into it. Just use a rope and tow it out (when you put it in the water, punch a hole and put the rope through the body to keep it secure).
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### Author:  [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/97 "2021-04-01T18:50:23Z")
It seems obvious that the _Fried Green Tomatoes_ solution is the best one. Hidden in plain sight and all that.
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### Author:  [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/98 "2021-04-01T19:13:47Z")
> [@eschereal](#):
>
> If you are using a boat, there is really no need to transfer the body into it. Just use a rope and tow it out (when you put it in the water, punch a hole and put the rope through the body to keep it secure).
But first I need to get the body out of the trunk of my car, across the marina parking lot, down the gangway to the floating docks, and out to the boat itself. Then punch the hole through the body, thread the rope as you suggest, tie it off to my stern cleat, drop the body into into the water, where it will float while oozing red liquid, then back out of the slip and motor the mile to the jetty into the sea while dragging the body in my pink-tinged churning wake.
Lots of opportunities for folks nearby to wonder what I’m up to. Too many opportunities.
The situation’s not much better if I’m launching a smaller boat off a trailer at a launch ramp.
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### Author:  [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/99 "2021-04-01T19:26:17Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#):
>
> Then punch the hole through the body, thread the rope as you suggest, tie it off to my stern cleat, drop the body into into the water
You were not paying attention. You put the body in the water first, then punch the hole in it and thread the rope through. And you do not want to use the stern cleat, you want to use the bow cleat, so that the body goes under your boat as you are making way. The colorful fluids will be just about gone by the time you have cleared the slip, and if you go out far enough, things in the sea will already be working on it (especially if you are under sail rather than under power). You want to spend as much time as you can out there so that it looks like a pleasant trip rather than a body dumping. Maybe try to bring in a marlin or something.
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### Author:  [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2021, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-do-this-criminal-thing-out-in-the-desert/939043/100 "2021-04-01T19:32:16Z")
Now _that_ would be a great trophy.
> I got rid of my ex-girlfriend and got this cool marlin here on my wall in exchange. Who knew marlins liked to eat women?
Sadly, that’s a cool tale you really shouldn’t ever tell your drinkin’ buddies. tempting thought it might be after enough booze.
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