# Let's get this over with... Charlie Hebdo Conspiracy Omnibus Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 15, 2015, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887 "2015-01-15T13:43:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/21 "2015-01-16T06:02:01Z")
Ooookay then. ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/22 "2015-01-16T06:18:54Z")
Hey, I wish I could make this shit up, it would make for a great book or movie but it’s all documented. Let your fingers do the walking. Google MKUltra is a good starting point. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/23 "2015-01-16T07:01:44Z")
I know what MKUltra is. Making unwitting testee drop LSD and giggling at what happens is not _quite_ on the same level as “reading minds with directed energy weapons”. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/24 "2015-01-16T07:35:42Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > Do you really need a list of evil shit governments do to their own citizens? It would be nice. But please restrict it to western democracies - Saudi Arabia and North Korea ain’t exactly representative of France. > [@Stringbean](#): > > Until I see 100,000 French troops sent into a country completely unrelated to the attacks, I’ll assume the official story. I lol’d. ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/25 "2015-01-16T07:43:01Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > I know what MKUltra is. Making unwitting testee drop LSD and giggling at what happens is not _quite_ on the same level as “reading minds with directed energy weapons”. Well, they’re planning on rolling them out into airports in the near future. Better watch what you think… If you think this is something they slapped together in the last 5 months, your only kidding yourself… This is based on technology that goes back 50 years, only now it is wireless ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/26 "2015-01-16T07:59:05Z")
> [@vomit\_comet](#): > > I knew I shouldn’t have clicked on this thread. > > So, if there is indeed a fence, which side of it are you on? Firmly on “there is so far nothing substantial whatsoever that would lead us to question what appears to have happened”. We have solid evidence that the Kouachi brothers broke into Charlie Hebdo and shot 12 people in the name of radical Islam. We have no solid evidence that suggests that this is not what happened - at best, assumptions that are utterly baseless (things like “there wasn’t enough blood” - how many people have you seen get shot in the head outside of Hollywood?). > [@vomit\_comet](#): > > Define “the past” > > Who do you think developed the directed energy weapons in the last 50 years, The directed energy weapons are meant for non-lethal crowd dispersal, don’t work very well, and are hardly evidence of government evil. They certainly beat fire hoses, tear gas, and Dobermans in terms of crowd-friendliness. > [@](#): > > the remote mind reading technology, [Wat](http://imgur.com/gallery/wJCkI) I’m 99% sure that this technology doesn’t exist. > [@](#): > > and if they can read minds remotely, they can also write to them, destroy them etc. And if they can harness zero-point energy, they can also move the moon around in the sky. (That is to say: not only can they not, but being able to read minds does not imply being able to write or destroy them - although destroying them is pretty straightforward, just insert bullets.) > [@](#): > > Who do you think they are using them against? How did we jump from “do they have this” to “who are they using it against”? > [@](#): > > the reason programs like MKultra and Guantanamo Bay aren’t heard of anymore is because they have been compartmentalized and have gone dark. Again: [wat](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1WSCB_enDE574AT593&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=guantanamo+bay+news&newwindow=1&tbm=nws)? Guantanamo Bay hasn’t “gone dark”. We still hear about it. It’s just no longer a front-page news item, mostly because you can’t run the same headline for 15 years (unless you’re FOX News and the headline is “Obama Sucks!”). As for MKUltra, there’s no evidence that “reading minds” was ever on their agenda, let alone that they succeeded. Indeed, if they did, I reckon we wouldn’t have had the same issues we did with things like waterboarding. MKUltra is pretty straightforward conspiracy fodder, but there’s just no solid evidence there to work with. > [@](#): > > Do you think the US hired all the NAZI scientists in the 40’s and 50’s because they were good boyscouts and could start a fire with a couple of sticks and a shoestring? They haven’t been sitting on their goddamned asses for the last 60 years. This is a complete non-sequitur. Most of them went into the nuclear and rocket programs. > [@vomit\_comet](#): > > What I’m trying to say is this; > > Their cover letter of their resume has one line on it and it says the following: > > “proficient at torturing and killing millions of people” > > US Government says: Great, You’re hired! > > Need I say more? No, those the US took in were legitimately brilliant scientists. It’s not like we grabbed up random SS members and said, “Hey, you killed a bunch of guys, want a job?” These were people who, if we didn’t take them in, would have been taken in by the soviets. > [@vomit\_comet](#): > > Hey, I wish I could make this shit up, it would make for a great book or movie but it’s all documented. Let your fingers do the walking. > > Google MKUltra is a good starting point. And while you’re at it, google “Chemtrails”. And “House of Numbers”. And “Vaccines cause Autism”. And “9/11 conspiracy”. And “Obama not American”. You can find all manner of utter garbage on the internet, conspiracies thrown together with incredibly flimsy evidence and assumptions. Let me tell you what isn’t documented: MKUltra (or any other organization) ever creating or using any technology that could read our thoughts, or even force us to answer questions truthfully. ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/27 "2015-01-16T07:59:26Z")
One of my roommates was all enthralled by a couple of hawks that took up a nest in the neighborhood across the alleyway and was really excited to see the newborn baby that he said looked like a chicken. One day while on a day off i observed a pack of magpies attack and kill the young bird. Later that day my roommate said that he hadn’t seen the young bird and I told him what happened. He said in disbelief, "oh, no, that didn’t happen, it must have flown away. I wasn’t going to argue with him because: 1: My mother told me not to argue with an idiot because people observing cannot tell the difference between whom is the idiot and who is not 2: You can believe whatever the fuck you want, it makes no difference to me if I am telling the truth as I know it. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/28 "2015-01-16T08:45:00Z")
I was going to say something about “if you aren’t interested in a debate what are you doing here” but _someone_ moved this to IMHO… _grumble grumble_ ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/29 "2015-01-16T19:38:02Z")
> [@vomit\_comet](#): > > …I’ve had a couple of schnapps… > [@vomit\_comet](#): > > Who do you think developed the directed energy weapons in the last 50 years, the remote mind reading technology, and if they can read minds remotely, they can also write to them, destroy them etc. Who do you think they are using them against? They no longer have to physically have captive, a person, to torture them, they can lobotomize a victim with directed energy weapons. > [@vomit\_comet](#): > > Well, they’re planning on rolling them out into airports in the near future. Better watch what you think… If you think this is something they slapped together in the last 5 months, your only kidding yourself… This is based on technology that goes back 50 years, only now it is wireless A _couple_ of schnapps? Sounds more like a couple of _bottles_ of schnapps. ---
**Author:** ![CinnamonBabka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@CinnamonBabka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CinnamonBabka)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/30 "2015-01-16T20:05:57Z")
I think this might be a good time to remind people that just because you can think of an explanation that fits the information you know does not mean that your explanation is any more likely to be true. If a stork lands on your neighbors’ house and the next time you see them they have a baby, that’s not evidence that a stork brought a baby to the neighbors. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/31 "2015-01-16T20:06:28Z")
> [@camille](#): > > Perhaps a nitpick, but the cited article does not blame the French government. It is implied that the CIA would be able to pull it off without French Intelligence having any knowledge of it. > > Not that it makes the “evidence” any more convincing. You are correct, and it’s my fault for not reading the linked page until after I posted. So, not merely a conspiracy, but one fomented by the evil empire of the USA on our (presumably) unwitting ally. Adds a certain _je ne sais pourquoi_. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/32 "2015-01-16T20:35:54Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > Dropping the ID is pretty silly and easy to see why it’s red meat for CTers. If that was used as a plot point in a story I’d roll my eyes. Real life doesn’t have to be realistic, though. In all fairness, it does seem like one of those spectacularly dumb mistakes you hear about in “stupid criminals” stories, which seems jarringly incongruous for two guys who seem to have been pretty smart about the whole thing otherwise. Maybe it’s different in Europe, but I keep my ID (my drivers license) in my wallet, and I can’t think of a single male acquaintance who doesn’t do the same thing. You’re not going to find it lying in my car, forgotten. > [@camille](#): > > Perhaps a nitpick, but the cited article does not blame the French government. It is implied that the CIA would be able to pull it off without French Intelligence having any knowledge of it. Of course it was the CIA. They seem to be the Illuminati of the 21st Century, responsible for every bad thing that has ever happened, from terrorist attacks to that time you stubbed your toe in the dark. :rolleyes: ETA: I mean a generic “you,” not **camille** personally. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/33 "2015-01-16T21:48:15Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > Do you really need a list of evil shit governments do to their own citizens? The Horror that is Daylight Savings Time. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/34 "2015-01-17T01:20:03Z")
I’m not going to look for MKUltra. Just please tell me they’re: a) not those guys who stared at goats and b) not something woo-woo that was researched after the guys who stared at goats. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/35 "2015-01-17T01:35:45Z")
> [@camille](#): > > Perhaps a nitpick, but the cited article does not blame the French government. It is implied that the CIA would be able to pull it off without French Intelligence having any knowledge of it. The CIA, the CIA . . . How do we know the CIA was not involved in JFK’s assassination? We know because he’s dead, isn’t he? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/36 "2015-01-17T01:37:01Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > I’m not going to look for MKUltra. Just please tell me they’re: a) not those guys who stared at goats and b) not something woo-woo that was researched after the guys who stared at goats. No. They’re not. [It’s worse.](http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/MKULTRA) ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/37 "2015-01-17T03:00:11Z")
Knew one of those poor saps who were fed acid without their permission. Came out of the Army fucked up but good, but he started out schizo as shit and was self-psycho-medicating already, so they probably didn’t get much good data from him. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2015, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/38 "2015-01-18T22:42:57Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > No. They’re not. [It’s worse.](http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/MKULTRA) Worse than staring at goats, but not after the goat-staring project. I will take my silver linings where I can find them. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2015, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887/39 "2015-01-18T23:36:32Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > … > If only it were some insane neocons; apparently [the president of Turkey](http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2015-01-13/turkish-presidents-stunning-outburst-french-are-behind-charlie-hebdo-massacre-mossad) is saying this too. … “Insane neocon” is actually a pretty accurate description of the Turkish President. After adjusting for him being pro-Turkey and Muslim rather than pro-US & sorta-Christian. There’s the same doctrinaire authoritarianism, the same resistance to reality, etc. A bit like Glenn Beck, he’s slowly sliding over the edge, and now picking up speed on the ever-steeper slope. European media has been documenting this for years now; this Hebdo outburst is merely the latest, not even the greatest. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-get-this-over-with-charlie-hebdo-conspiracy-omnibus-thread/709887.md?page=1)