# Let's have a dumbest cat competition **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2006, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062 "2006-02-18T06:46:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![yBeayf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/e274bd/32.png) [@yBeayf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yBeayf)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/81 "2006-02-24T23:24:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Blunt ended rod? Yep. A Q-tip is often used for this purpose. A queen in heat will not ovulate until vaginally stimulated, which is a bad thing – she’ll continually cycle in and out of heat, and it can cause serious problems with the reproductive system down the road, so to get her to ovulate without becoming pregnant, she can be mated to a castrated tom, diddled with a cotton swab or other suitable instrument, or massaged on a certain spot below the tail until she exhibits the post-coital response. It usually takes a few times of doing this before she’ll ovulate, but once she does, she won’t go into heat again for several weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/82 "2006-02-24T23:49:39Z")
We had a small ginger female who could take on all comers. She stood down german shepherds and generally bossed the neighbourhood. She also thought this applied to cars. We lived on a crescent with a blind corner exacerbated by some moron parking his semi-trailer on one end of the blind corner. Fortunately this slowed drivers down for the most part. Saffron, the ginger, would stand around the corner in the middle of the road and hiss at them to back down. I only know this because it was really embarrassing to hear a car horn honking and have to go out and pick her indignant, tail-puffed, mad-as-hell self up out of the middle of the road so they could drive on. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/83 "2006-02-24T23:59:50Z")
> [@Cherry2000](#): > > My little feline Einstein opened one eye, saw the twitching, and promptly bit the heck out of her _own tail_ . Which of course startled her, and she fell off the top of the speaker. > > She hit the floor, and started looking all around for the beast that attacked her with a sort of, “What the hell?!?” look on her face. My mom’s cat does this _all the time_ - how’s **that** for dumb? ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2006, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/84 "2006-02-25T00:41:27Z")
There’s noplace to start for my cat. Head stuck in a bag handle? Check! Falling off the TV when it makes a startling noise? Check! Growling at things that could easily kill her? Check! Sharpening nonexistant claws? Check! Some new-to-this-thread stupid: Rolling over to be cute…and rolling off whatever she’s on. Greeting me at the door every day…upside down…cutest cute face on…mrring and purring…behind the damn door. I hit the stupid moron of a cat with the door every time I come home. She runs into furniture. Large sofas that are in the place where they have been for a lengthy period of time. She runs up and jumps to land on the arm…but doesn’t jump high enough. Kitty goes splat. She will eat anything small enough to fit into her mouth…which is anything smaller than a fist. Vasaline is our friend. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2006, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/85 "2006-02-25T17:04:19Z")
> [@yBeayf](#): > > The poor thing, being an all-white cat, was probably stone deaf (as most all-white cats are). ☹ Many, but not all, all white cats with blue eyes are deaf. White cats with other eye colors aren’t much more likely to be deaf than other colored cats. Only 20-40% of white cats do in fact have blue eyes, and not all of those are even deaf, so even amongst white cats the potentially deaf ones are a minority. [White Cats, Eye Colours and Deafness](http://messybeast.com/whitecat.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/86 "2006-02-25T17:27:33Z")
> [@Amaranta](#): > > Hijack alert! > > Okay, what the hell IS this? My cat makes this weird clicking/chattering noise at moving things smaller than he is. If he sees, for example, another cat or a big bird or something, he’ll growl. But if it’s a spider or fly or whatever, he’ll click at it. None of my other cats have made this noise, but I hear lots of people mention that their cats do it… so what’s the deal? > > /hijack The cat is making a ritualised version of the killing bit to the neck which they deliver to their prey. Some do this as there food is being prepared. ---
**Author:** ![ILovCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e99b99/32.png) [@ILovCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILovCoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/87 "2006-02-26T00:18:40Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > I once had a lovely “blonde” kitty who fell off the same window sill _every day_, . . . :rolleyes: My sister brought a second cat into her household in the hopes that Cat1 would cheer up and play with Cat2 and lose some weight and be a happier kitty. Didn’t happen. No, Cat1 instantly _ **HATED** _ Cat2. Loathed the sweet, little, dumbass furball. Cat2 had an undeveloped sense of self-preservation and would venture out of windows and off balconies onto slick roofing tiles. Cat2 had a couple of nasty spills and although she survived was even less bright than before. Grandma “joked” that Cat1 pushed Cat2. I thought she was exaggerating, but when I went to visit Sis and said ,“Hello, Cat1” she was thrilled to see me and MrCoffee until we then turned and extended greetings to Cat2. The joyful light went out of Cat1’s eyes, she curled her lip, hissed, and stalked away. Cat1 was standoffish the remainder of our stay. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2006, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/88 "2006-02-26T00:49:54Z")
> [@yBeayf](#): > > Yep. A Q-tip is often used for this purpose. A queen in heat will not ovulate until vaginally stimulated, which is a bad thing – she’ll continually cycle in and out of heat, and it can cause serious problems with the reproductive system down the road, so to get her to ovulate without becoming pregnant, she can be mated to a castrated tom, diddled with a cotton swab or other suitable instrument, or massaged on a certain spot below the tail until she exhibits the post-coital response. It usually takes a few times of doing this before she’ll ovulate, but once she does, she won’t go into heat again for several weeks. Ya know, I think I’d rather just get the cat fixed. We don’t own a cat, but I’m struck by how many of you think your cat is dumb because he won’t come in the opened door or because he meows upstairs until you go up and get him. Seems to me the cats are training _you_. Running into plate glass windows and sliding glass doors, well, all I can say is our _dog_ never does that. I love the stories…keep posting! ---
**Author:** ![yBeayf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/e274bd/32.png) [@yBeayf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yBeayf)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/89 "2006-02-26T02:46:46Z")
> [@](#): > > Ya know, I think I’d rather just get the cat fixed. So would I, and that’s what I did. Thankfully, all my knowledge in this area is theoretical. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Gydea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Lady\_Gydea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Gydea)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2006, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/90 "2006-02-26T17:35:03Z")
Cat is fond of scratching at my door whilst whining and howling, then having me chase him out to the kitchen where I discover he only wanted someone to come to the kitchen with him to make sure he has food. Which, come to think of it, is actually pretty smart. Cat is an indoor/outdoor and we let him out whenever he feels like it. In our front room, there are two doors, one leading to the backyard and one leading to the driveway. If Cat wants to go out, he scratches and rowrs at whichever door catches his fancy. However, if I or any other human is closer to one door than the other and call him over to the closer door, Cat will come but will have to be bodily picked up and tossed outside. Within five minutes if not fewer, he’s back at the door he went out, demanding to come in. He will then proceed to the door he originally wanted to go out and complain until he is let out again. He will stay out for much longer. Cat is also a proud alumnus of the School Of Rolling Off Of Objects And Jumping On Newspapers That Appear To Be Solid. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/91 "2006-02-26T20:22:00Z")
I’m dumbfounded by the number of people with “dumb” outdoor cats who have a habit of hanging out in the roadway which seem to be ok with this. I don’t think the cat is the dumb one in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2006, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/92 "2006-02-26T21:02:39Z")
Okay, now I’ve got one. I’ve got an indoor cat - and he knows it. If I open the door he just stands there and looks at me, or runs back inside the house. The other day we bought some BBQ chicken to have for dinner. We finsihed off the chicken, then went into the computer room to check email. Who should so proudly stride into the room with the remains of a quarter of a BBQ chicken firmly grasped in his mouth but Houston the Wonder Cat, miaowing triumphantly as if to say; “look at how clever and loyal I am! I caught a BBQ chicken for you!” I laughed so hard I barely had the heart to take it off him. If he’d just kept his mouth shut, he would have had the chicken all to himself. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2006, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/93 "2006-02-27T01:03:36Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > If he’d just kept his mouth shut, he would have had the chicken all to himself. Yes, but with his mouth shut, how would he have enjoyed it? ---
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2006, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/94 "2006-02-27T02:48:36Z")
> [@dwalin](#): > > Yes, but with his mouth shut, how would he have enjoyed it? Ah, good point. I meant kept his mouth shut metaphorically, not literally. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![slaphead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@slaphead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slaphead)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2006, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/95 "2006-02-27T14:20:11Z")
Amongst her varied menagerie of demented beasts, my mother has a couple of cats. One night she was awakened at 2 am by the unmistakeable sound of a cat running up and down the stairs vigorously playing with something. Uh-oh. Bilbo had a long track record of bringing home various live treats for mum, including but not limited to mice, birds, shrews, grass-hoppers, slow-worms, earth-worms and grasshoppers. He had obviously scored another hunting success, despite his advancing years. Mum drags herself out of bed to investigate, deprive Bilbo of his plaything, and put it out of its misery. Only to find that his ‘prey’ was a large runner bean from the vegetable basket. :rolleyes: However this is still a step up in the intellectual stakes from our first cat, whose notable achievements were: Falling off the upstairs landing and arriving with a thud next to me as I sat on the bottom step of the stairs talking on the phone; resulting in a :eek: for me and the person I was talking to. Whatever happened to the famous feline sense of balance? Biting feet. In slow motion. We would all be sat watching TV or whatever, and Pablo would saunter into the room and sit next to someone’s feet, facing away from them. Then she would peer round a bit to see if anyone was watching. Then she would open her mouth as wide as she could and very slowly and carefully lean over and bite the foot (or ankle if shoes were worn). Hard. I have no idea what insane kitty logic led her to the conclusion this was a good idea, but I did find it amusing sometimes. Still, compared to the things mum’s terriers do sometimes, the cats are normal. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/96 "2006-03-09T18:23:45Z")
> [@Amaranta](#): > > Hijack alert! > > Okay, what the hell IS this? My cat makes this weird clicking/chattering noise at moving things smaller than he is. If he sees, for example, another cat or a big bird or something, he’ll growl. But if it’s a spider or fly or whatever, he’ll click at it. None of my other cats have made this noise, but I hear lots of people mention that their cats do it… so what’s the deal? > > /hijack I just ran into this excellent example of chattering [here](http://www.crapville.com/uploads_videos/barking_cat1.wmv). ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/97 "2006-03-09T19:41:01Z")
Since this thread has resurfaced, I just want to tell you all that one of our cats manages to get lost in the bathtub. We have a cloudy white shower curtain, which obscures vision but lets light through. Mere (yes, that’s her name) jumps onto the edge of the bathtub, and then into it. Then she can’t remember how to get out. I have to move the curtain aside and scoop her up, as she will start meowing pitifully. She keeps getting lost in there…it’s like she can’t remember that she needs help to get out. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/98 "2006-03-09T19:49:53Z")
> [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > Since this thread has resurfaced, I just want to tell you all that one of our cats manages to get lost in the bathtub. We have a cloudy white shower curtain, which obscures vision but lets light through. Mere (yes, that’s her name) jumps onto the edge of the bathtub, and then into it. Then she can’t remember how to get out. I have to move the curtain aside and scoop her up, as she will start meowing pitifully. She keeps getting lost in there…it’s like she can’t remember that she needs help to get out. Have you tried turning on the shower? That might help her remember how to get out, and keep her from jumping in there in the first place. Do you have a video camera…? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/99 "2006-03-09T20:12:22Z")
> [@Danalan](#): > > Have you tried turning on the shower? That might help her remember how to get out, and keep her from jumping in there in the first place. Do you have a video camera…? No and no. I believe that this little cat is actually somewhat braindamaged. She just doesn’t learn well. Fortunately, she knows what a litter box is for, and she’s an affectionate little girl. I don’t have a camera at all, let alone a video camera. I’ve never been able to take a decent picture, so I’ve quit trying to do so. My husband and daughter each have a camera, but I’m usually the only witness to this behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062/100 "2006-03-09T20:33:04Z")
> [@ILovCoffee](#): > > My sister brought a second cat into her household in the hopes that Cat1 would cheer up and play with Cat2 and lose some weight and be a happier kitty. > Didn’t happen. > No, Cat1 instantly _ **HATED** _ Cat2. Loathed the sweet, little, dumbass furball. Cat2 had an undeveloped sense of self-preservation and would venture out of windows and off balconies onto slick roofing tiles. Cat2 had a couple of nasty spills and although she survived was even less bright than before. Grandma “joked” that Cat1 pushed Cat2. > I thought she was exaggerating, but when I went to visit Sis and said ,“Hello, Cat1” she was thrilled to see me and MrCoffee until we then turned and extended greetings to Cat2. The joyful light went out of Cat1’s eyes, she curled her lip, hissed, and stalked away. Cat1 was standoffish the remainder of our stay. By any chance, were their names Garfield and Nermal? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-have-a-dumbest-cat-competition/345062.md?page=6)