# Let's hear it for dead puppies!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [September 27, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802 "2011-09-27T20:15:38Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@John\_Stamos\_Left\_Ear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Stamos_Left_Ear)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/1 "2011-09-27T20:15:38Z")
On the surface, the headline seems absurd. Even non-dog people would cringe at the slaughter of a puppy, even if it wasn’t as adorable as the ones used in internet images. I personally prefer cats but even I see a puppy and think, “Awww” most of the time. And even if I didn’t, what evil person would want to see a dead puppy?
Well, what if the puppy had a horrible disease that caused it massive pain and suffering. We as a society and most of the people in it would say that we should kill that puppy.
And what if a ferel dog is attacking everyone and everything in sight. Soon it will become a big dog with the same traits and there is no way to reliably curb this behavior. It is very unfortunate, but again, most everyone agrees that puppy should be put down… “Put down” - a nicer way of saying “dead puppy.”
My point with this is about how sick I am of people who seem to view the world in black and white terms. Too many of us on too many issues are very quick to make blanket statements and views and then dogmatically cling to them come hell or high water.
Even something that seems, in soundbite form, something we can all agree on - Dead puppies! We have to be unilaterally opposed to such a thing, right? - can be shown to have shades of gray which render the soundbite useless at best and wrong at worst.
So imagine then such nuanced things as race relations. Abortion. Politics. Religion.
There is gray area everywhere. There is middle ground everywhere. If you are not aware of this, if you are unable to realize that in some cases even the thing you might be most fervently against (dead puppies) you might have to grudgingly concede as the better alternative, then you have failed.
Too many people are like this. Too many people don’t think beyond the soundbite and their own life. Too many people don’t see the gray.
Don’t be like them. Some puppies must die. Let’s hear it for the dead puppies…
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### Author:  [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/2 "2011-09-27T20:35:50Z")
I think we can all agree that they aren’t much fun.
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/3 "2011-09-27T20:53:52Z")
Yeah, they don’t come when you call, and they don’t chase squirrels at all
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### Author:  [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/4 "2011-09-27T20:57:37Z")
Wasn’t it just awful about those puppies that girl threw into the river?
One by one and splash.
Just awful.
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/5 "2011-09-27T20:58:17Z")
And yet, marginally easier to juggle than live puppies.
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### Author:  [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/6 "2011-09-27T21:00:22Z")
I got a dead puppy for Christmas once. All it did was lie there and smell bad. I traded it for some GI Joes.
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### Author:  [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/7 "2011-09-27T21:05:19Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#):
>
> I got a dead puppy for Christmas once. All it did was lie there and smell bad. I traded it for some GI Joes.
**Hey wait a minute you told me it was just pining for the Fjords!!! I want my snake eyes and cobra commander action figures back!!** :mad:
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/8 "2011-09-27T21:24:42Z")
I found if you throw them on the grill live, they end up cooking unevenly.
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### Author:  [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/9 "2011-09-27T21:29:15Z")
Well, if the bitch had had an abortion, there wouldn’t be the tragedy of dead puppies.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/10 "2011-09-27T21:34:07Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#):
>
> Yeah, they don’t come when you call, and they don’t chase squirrels at all
Dead puppies aren’t much fun.
/My sister and I _loved_ that song growing up.
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### Author:  [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/11 "2011-09-27T21:54:58Z")
\ I hid Joseph’s present so good one Christmas I couldn’t find it. Cutest little puppy … or should I say dog? \
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### Author:  [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/12 "2011-09-27T22:12:20Z")
So, what’s the consensus on mangled baby ducks?
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### Author:  [@Precambrianmollusc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Precambrianmollusc)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/13 "2011-09-27T22:19:06Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#):
>
> So, what’s the consensus on mangled baby ducks?
With some shredded spring onions, thinly sliced cucumber and a dash of hoi sin sauce, delicious.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/14 "2011-09-27T22:19:34Z")
Obligaory _Saturday Night Live_ Skit:
Buck Henry from Season 1 as call-in host Frank Noland on Tax-Free Municipal Bonds:
> **[SNL Transcripts: Buck Henry: 05/22/76: Talk Back - SNL Transcripts Tonight](https://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75utalkback.phtml)**
>
> Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 1: Episode 21
After many attempts to provoke a response:
> [@](#):
>
> [pause, Frank puts an unlit cigarette in his mouth, thinks for a moment, then leans forward intently]
>
> How 'bout this? “Killing Puppies – It Doesn’t Bother Me” … That’s me, Frank Noland, and I LIKE dead puppies! Frankly, I’m totally in favor of using federally supported municipal bonds to pay for forced busing of Soviet Communists to come into your homes to kill your puppies! Give me a call, won’t you? The lines are open. Tell ME what you think about it. [lights his cigarette, mumbles to himself] Dead, mangled puppies … I like 'em …
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### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [September 27, 2011, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/15 "2011-09-27T22:35:34Z")
I’m gonna go out on a limb here are say I don’t like dead puppies. I am much more in favor of dead children. The live ones are much more loud and annoying than live puppies.
Remember, if you must choose between killing a puppy or a child, kill the child. After all, the child might grow up to be a puppy killer.
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### Author:  [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/16 "2011-09-28T02:11:35Z")
One more time for Roman Hruska!!!
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### Author:  [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/17 "2011-09-28T03:52:02Z")
“Mommy… the puppy Santa Claus brought me won’t wake up!”
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### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/18 "2011-09-28T07:21:32Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#):
>
> So, what’s the consensus on mangled baby ducks?
Every country has its own weird customs. I once spent six weeks in a place where the main form of entertainment was mangling ducks. My hand to God. Baby ducks. Ducklings. They were mangled.
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/19 "2011-09-28T10:53:51Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#):
>
> “Mommy… the puppy Santa Claus brought me won’t wake up!”
“It’s hibernating for the winter, dear.”
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### Author:  [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/20 "2011-09-28T12:29:22Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#):
>
> **Hey wait a minute you told me it was just pining for the Fjords!!! I want my snake eyes and cobra commander action figures back!!** :mad:
No way! You totally agreed to it. No backsies!
Dead puppies are still bad.
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