# Let's hear it for dead puppies!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [September 27, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802 "2011-09-27T20:15:38Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/21 "2011-09-28T12:35:51Z")

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> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#):
>
> So, what’s the consensus on mangled baby ducks?

Polls go in IMHO.

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**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/22 "2011-09-28T12:42:39Z")

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> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#):
>
> Dead puppies are still bad.

Well, yeah. Why else would you kill them? “Bad dog!” _\<BANG!\>_ “No more piddling on the carpet for _you!_”

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**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/23 "2011-09-28T12:45:30Z")

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I prefer dead baby seals.

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**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/24 "2011-09-28T13:08:55Z")

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The worst thing about dead puppies is no more puppy breath. Unless, of course, you work their lungs back and forth with your fingers.

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**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/25 "2011-09-28T13:28:04Z")

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What’s worse than 10 dead puppies in a tree?

1 living puppy.

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**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/26 "2011-09-28T14:19:50Z")

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Hey, guys. The OP is serious. I can’t believe you’re mocking him. Why don’t you just go home and kick your dog.

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**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/27 "2011-09-28T19:58:59Z")

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Let my puppies go.

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**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/28 "2011-09-28T21:32:57Z")

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> [@BubbaDog](#):
>
> Let my puppies go.

Not on _my_ lawn!

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**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/29 "2011-09-28T21:51:02Z")

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> [@Kobal2](#):
>
> Every country has its own weird customs. I once spent six weeks in a place where the main form of entertainment was mangling ducks. My hand to God. Baby ducks. Ducklings. They were mangled.

Puh-_leeeze_ tell me I just heard a whooshing sound.

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**Author:** ![DHMO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecc23a/32.png) [@DHMO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DHMO)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/30 "2011-09-28T22:52:29Z")

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> [@John\_Stamos\_Left\_Ear](#):
>
> So imagine then such nuanced things as race relations. Abortion. Politics. Religion.
> 
> There is gray area everywhere. There is middle ground everywhere. If you are not aware of this, if you are unable to realize that in some cases even the thing you might be most fervently against (dead puppies) you might have to grudgingly concede as the better alternative, then you have failed.
> 
> Too many people are like this. Too many people don’t think beyond the soundbite and their own life. Too many people don’t see the gray…

To far too many people—and many here on the Dope, I’m sorry to say—there are no shades of gray. They see the world with blinders on, and if you don’t toe the line of their particular monomaniacal ideology, you are totally wrong, Wrong, _WRONG_! This applies to opinions from all along the spectrum of politics, religion or whatever.

Like you, I wish we (both here online and in real life) could appreciate the nuanced gradations of “truth” in others’ viewpoints, before blindly slamming anyone who does not immediately fall in line and agree, without reservation or qualification, with our narrow perspective.

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**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/31 "2011-09-28T23:20:35Z")

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> [@Frodo](#):
>
> I prefer dead baby seals.

Me too. But only if you bash in their heads with an oar.

Deader is better.

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**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/32 "2011-09-29T01:58:57Z")

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> [@bucketybuck](#):
>
> Wasn’t it just awful about those puppies that girl threw into the river?
> 
> One by one and splash.
> 
> Just awful.

Hey! That girl was _working_. I paid her good money to kill those puppies.

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**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/33 "2011-09-29T06:51:28Z")

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If you throw them at just the right angle, can you can make them skip across the surface?

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**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/34 "2011-09-29T12:53:41Z")

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Sure, just flatten 'em out a little bit first.  
Why did the puppy cross the river?  
Because it was dead.

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**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/35 "2011-09-29T13:15:08Z")

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I burning your puppy!

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**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/36 "2011-09-29T14:42:33Z")

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> [@lieu](#):
>
> Sure, just flatten 'em out a little bit first.

Speaking of that…[link](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2041163/Born-survivor-Deformed-puppy-rescued-trash-finally-learns-walk.html). \<–Thread needs more pictures!

In response to the OP, I know you’re trying to make a rhetorical point, but it hits close to home. Yes, it’s theoretically “good” to end a seriously suffering animal’s ordeal. But far too many animals are killed under the rubric of “euthanasia” when it’s really expense, or inconvenience, that drives the decision.

Similarly, there are still a few [appropriate places for feral dogs in the world](http://www.srel.edu/outreach/factsheet/carolinadogs.html). And with work, it is _sometimes_ possible to socialize a feral or semi-feral animal.

I realize the dead puppies are just a metaphor, and in general I agree that the [Manichean worldview](http://wordsmith.org/words/manichean.html) causes us a lot of trouble.

But the metaphor hits a sore point of mine, because too often people expand that “gray area” to suit their own selfish purposes. While I agree that sometimes a dead puppy is a better alternative, all too often it’s just an _easier_ alternative. The line between “I’m doing this for their own good” and “I can’t be bothered to do what’s best” is itself a gray area, and a moving target, for some people.  
.

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**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/37 "2011-09-29T18:47:06Z")

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Too many dead pups in your neighborhood?

You need _ **Pup-Eaze** _ new from Ronco! It’s a combination Roomba, Cyclone hot air oven, and composter all in one. The \*\*\*Pup-Eaze \*\*\*will continually search your neighborhood for dead puppies and turn them into mulch for your flower beds!

$19.99 plus shipping and handling. And we will throw in the second one FREE!! You just pay for additional shipping and handling!

You will soon be thinking up new ways to create dead puppies! Your kids are going to love this clever and instructional innovation!

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**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/38 "2011-09-29T22:50:09Z")

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> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> Hey! That girl was _working_. I paid her good money to kill those puppies.

You were paying her? Were you upset with how things worked out? I know I would be, if I paid somebody to kill some puppies then she had better make damn sure they are dead, and throwing them in a river just isn’t sure enough. What if some of the pups had an aptitude for swimming, and had managed to stay afloat before coming ashore downriver? They would still be alive, and I would have been ripped off! Hell, what about the fat puppies? I bet at least one of the fat puppies lived by just floating along till some do-gooder fucking lifted it back out from the river.

Goddammit, now I am pissed off. I wasn’t before, but now I am pissed. That girl took your money and then did a piss poor job of killing your puppies. What a bitch.

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**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/39 "2011-09-29T22:55:52Z")

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> [@purplehorseshoe](#):
>
> Puh-_leeeze_ tell me I just heard a whooshing sound.

\*Firefly \*reference.

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**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\
**Post date:** [September 29, 2011, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-hear-it-for-dead-puppies/597802/40 "2011-09-29T22:56:54Z")

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> [@bucketybuck](#):
>
> You were paying her? Were you upset with how things worked out? I know I would be, if I paid somebody to kill some puppies then she had better make damn sure they are dead, and throwing them in a river just isn’t sure enough. What if some of the pups had an aptitude for swimming, and had managed to stay afloat before coming ashore downriver? They would still be alive, and I would have been ripped off! Hell, what about the fat puppies? I bet at least one of the fat puppies lived by just floating along till some do-gooder fucking lifted it back out from the river.
> 
> Goddammit, now I am pissed off. I wasn’t before, but now I am pissed. That girl took your money and then did a piss poor job of killing your puppies. What a bitch.

She was also supposed to make sure they suffered and that passers-by were filled with horror and dread. Killing them was just a bonus.

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