# Let's invent the Michael Jackson Drinking Game **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 23, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578 "2005-02-23T19:12:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/1 "2005-02-23T19:12:40Z")
I was bored last night and started thinking that the whole Michael Jackson fiasco would make a decent drinking game. Do a shot whenever one of his crazy ass fans threatens suicide. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/2 "2005-02-23T19:18:12Z")
A shot as soon as Cochran makes up something like “If the glove don’t fit!” and a drink whenever he says it. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/3 "2005-02-23T19:34:57Z")
A shot whenever an member of the Jackson Five (Jermaine, Randy, Jackie and Tito) steps forward to defend Michael. TWO shots if father figure Joe Jackson deigns to publicly defend his sissy son. ---
**Author:** ![Murcielago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Murcielago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murcielago)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/4 "2005-02-23T19:34:53Z")
When you hear Mike do his weird pronunciation of “children” as “chiwdwen,” that’s a drink. If, in an attempt to nomalize that behavior, a defense team member does the same, that’s two drinks. If a prosecution member uses it in a mocking tone, you gotta finish off your glass. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/5 "2005-02-23T19:50:03Z")
Anytime someone makes mention of “Jesus juice,” chug. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/6 "2005-02-23T19:52:15Z")
LOL. There’s gonna be people falling down drunk all over America if this game takes off. “Jesus Juice.” Heh. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/7 "2005-02-23T20:52:59Z")
How about a drink of champagne when he’s found guilty? ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/8 "2005-02-23T21:02:23Z")
Do a shot whenever he does a crotch grab. Chug the barrel if the crotch isn’t his. ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/9 "2005-02-23T22:45:32Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > A shot as soon as Cochran makes up something like “If the glove don’t fit!” and a drink whenever he says it. “If the pre-pubescent butthole don’t fit, you must acquit”. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/10 "2005-02-23T22:48:03Z")
> [@](#): > > TWO shots if father figure Joe Jackson deigns to publicly defend his sissy son. “Cuz if my eyes don’t deceive me there’s somethin’ goin’ wrong around here” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/11 "2005-02-23T23:18:32Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > A shot whenever an member of the Jackson Five (Jermaine, Randy, Jackie and Tito) steps forward to defend Michael. > > TWO shots if father figure Joe Jackson deigns to publicly defend his sissy son. As shot with a beer chaser, if anyone defending him uses the expression “Michael would never hurt a child” ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/12 "2005-02-23T23:35:43Z")
Chug a beer every time Michael says, “That’s ignorant. That’s just ignorant.” Do a shot every time the camera shows one of Jackson’s kids wearing one of those Mardi Gras masks. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/13 "2005-02-24T00:14:03Z")
Every time the camera shows Michael’s freakishly altered face, shudder and drink until you forget. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/14 "2005-02-24T02:10:26Z")
A shot for every new celebrity witness the defense adds to their list. Two shots if it’s someone who actually has something to do with the case. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/15 "2005-02-24T02:43:16Z")
Let’s switch this up… Body shots off someone’s stomach whenever the phrase “Wacko Jacko” makes it on-air during a news broadcast. Double shots if Jermaine Jackson opines how much he hates that nickname and just doesn’t understand why anyone would call his brother that. Body shots off someone’s chest if some snarky producer follows that with blurred-out footage of the victim holding hands with Jackson, or footage of Jackson denying he’s ever had plastic surgery done, or Jackson dangling his kid out the hotel window. A drink, and you have to give someone a lap dance if the hat trick occurs in the same segment. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/16 "2005-02-24T03:08:51Z")
If the word “spabook” ever comes up, you must funnel a pitcher of beer. More germane to the case, any hideous legal pun made from a MJ song title ("As for the sex-abuse rap, we think Jacko will…ahem…“beat it”.), and that’s a disgusting shot of Jägermeister for _you_. The first hot woman to spot the lame Jackson 5 pun in the above poorly-constructed sentence must flash her boobies. And drink. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-invent-the-michael-jackson-drinking-game/291578/17 "2005-02-24T03:47:14Z")
A shot every time they play that live-Neverland-Valley clip of Mike saying “arehr” (area) in reference to the warranted search.