# Lets jus't ban fucking apostrophe's.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [August 11, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443 "2003-08-11T18:20:39Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)
#### Post date: [August 14, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/81 "2003-08-14T16:15:31Z")
A play by **dalovindj** :
> [@](#):
>
> **Cherry** :
> Welcome! Would you like to by “for” for a dollar!
>
> **Apricot** :
> Actually, I came in to talk about the sign you have outside. You see there is something that has been really buging me . . .
>
> **Cherry** :
> Nevermind the sign! I’m offering you a great deal! “for” for a dollar!
>
> **Apricot** :
> (_looks around and notices there is nothing in the store_)
> Umm, I wanted to talk about the sign . . . wait. . . four _what_ for a dollar?
>
> **Cherry** :
> That’s right. A dollar.
>
> **Apricot** :
> Right. Got it. A dollar. What I mean is, what does my dollar get me?
>
> **Cherry** :
> For.
>
> **Apricot** :
> Four what?
>
> **Cherry** :
> A dollar.
>
> **Apricot** :
> A dollar for what?
>
> **Cherry** :
> For.
>
> **Apricot** :
> I understand that I get four, what I want to know is what I get four of!
>
> **Cherry** :
> I only take cash.
>
> **Apricot** :
> What?
>
> **Cherry** :
> I can’t accept an “of” as payment.
>
> **Apricot** :
> What the hell are you talking about?!?!
>
> **Cherry** :
> I’ll sell you the “for”, but you have to give me a dollar in payment.
>
> **Apricot** :
> A dollar for four.
>
> **Cherry** :
> That’s right. A dolar for “for”.
>
> **Apricot** :
> What the hell? For a dollar I get . . . ?
>
> **Cherry** :
> “For”.
>
> **Apricot** :
> Four . . . ?
>
> **Cherry** :
> A dollar.
>
> **Apricot** :
> Grrrrr. You know what? I just came in to tell you that you messed up your sign. But fuck it. I have to know. Here’s a dollar. What do I get?
>
> **Cherry** :
> Here you go. (_reaches below counter and pulls out an index card with the word “for” written across in black magic marker_) Congratulations! Be sure to come back next week when I’ll be having my annual The sale. My name is Cherry. Have a nice day. Oh, what was it you wanted to tell me about the sign?
>
> **Apricot** :
> (_explodes_)
>
> The End
I obviously have toomuch time on my hands.
DaLovin’ Dj
---
### Author:  [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)
#### Post date: [August 14, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/82 "2003-08-14T17:05:52Z")
HAHAHA.
---
### Author:  [@Chicago\_Faucet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicago_Faucet)
#### Post date: [August 14, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/83 "2003-08-14T17:09:13Z")
I am no expert on grammar, but I do pay attention to common grammar and spelling. Whenever I type an email or a post, I always review it before I send it. I’m embarrassed to say that my spelling, which used to be stellar, has begun to lapse. I guess those brain cells have better things to keep track of.
In high school I had a crumby job at the local library, right next to the high school. One shift on a weekend, while reshelving books, I ran into my English teacher. Contrary to the mold, this English teacher was really cool. She “forced” us to read the cool novels that directly or indirectly dealt with death, sex, and drugs. She was checking out a periodical about grammar. Now, this was before the Internet (Internet is always capitalized, BTW, because it is always proper.), and the book that she was checking out was a catalog of all of the changes in grammar over the last year. What? Changes in grammar? Apparently, she informed me, there is some official group of English Scholars that get together and debate the use of English grammar. Whenever they come to an agreement on a small change that should occur, they document it. And then they publish all of these changes in an annual periodical. Now, don’t ask me the title of this periodical or the name of this group. This was a five minute conversation over ten years ago. None of these changes are ever earth shattering, or stuff you would even see in a typical high school English book. For instance, when you put something in parenthesis, and then need to put a parenthesis inside of that parenthesis, they debate the order of the different containers to use: ([{|. They also debate the proper times to use bullet points, and what each format of bullet point should signify, and the proper way to format sub-bullet points, and so on.
I, too, am sick of correcting peoples’ use of the apostrophe (notice the proper use of the plural possessive apostrophe). It took me months to convince my wife of the difference between “its” and “it’s”. And I am sick and tired of seeing “your” in place of “you’re”. But I have some serious questions about grammar that I hope someone here can answer.
1. What is the proper way to use a single set of parenthesis? Is it a full sentence inside the parenthesis, so there is capitalization and a period? If it is at the end of a sentence does it come before or after the sentence’s period?
2. If you end a sentence with an abbreviation: “He received his P.H.D…”, do you duplicate the period?
3. And semicolons. Please, someone enlighten me with the proper way to use one. Does it close a statement that comes after a colon?
4. When quoting someone, is the following example correct?
Example: He said, “I shall be home shortly.” So I followed him home.
I really think that the biggest enemy of grammar is the Internet. People get lazy, start to use l33t as a shorthand, and then it is all over.
One last thing. I hate it when S’s are substituted by Z’s, and when GH’s are substituted by E’s: “tonite.” When did this happen?
---
### Author:  [@moejuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejuck)
#### Post date: [August 14, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/84 "2003-08-14T17:21:26Z")
Don’t even get me started on semicolons; they infuriate the hell out of me.
---
### Author:  [@Eman\_Resu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eman_Resu)
#### Post date: [August 15, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/85 "2003-08-15T05:35:23Z")
I’ve seen two pants-crappingly bad ones this summer, both coincidentally involving the word “own.”
The first was a sign outside a small stadium where some sort of music festival for kids was being held. A couple of signs advertised:
See kids make
there one
instruments
There was probably some inappropriate apostrophe usage in there, but in my shock at the atroshis speeling errers I must’ve taken such mundane mistakes for granted.
The second comes from a yearbook page dedicated to a teacher in the reserves who was just called to active duty. For the first couple lines it appeared to be the only respectable page in the sloppily produced annual, until:
> [@](#):
>
> As students we already own him a lot, but as Americans we own him even more.
Gaaah!
---
### Author:  [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)
#### Post date: [August 15, 2003, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/86 "2003-08-15T09:38:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Chicago Faucet \*
> \*\* I, too, am sick of correcting peoples’ use of the apostrophe (notice the proper use of the plural possessive apostrophe). \*\*
Sadly, this wasn’t. 😃 It would have been correct if you were using “people” as a singular noun, but you weren’t in this context. “People”, thus used, is already plural, and the s does not pluralise it but only, with the apostrophe, denotes possession. You should have typed _people’s_.
Here’s hoping I can keep that bastard **Gaudere** out of this post. I counted three distinct attempts to get in on the action, but I think I got 'em all. (Three? A fourth one tried to muscle in on the preceding sentence alone.)
I’ll leave your serious questions for later.
---
### Author:  [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)
#### Post date: [August 15, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/87 "2003-08-15T23:48:01Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by moejuck \*
> \*\*Don’t even get me started on semicolons; they infuriate the hell out of me. \*\*
I dont sea how people’s can git sew werkd up; specially about some thing unportant lik langage and punctuality.
---
### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2003, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/88 "2003-08-16T10:16:39Z")
The worst offenders are the people who don’t know the difference between apostrophes and quotation marks, as in:
‘N’ (not ‘N or N’).
There should be two apostrophes, and they both should look like little 9s, not 6s.
---
### Author:  [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2003, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/89 "2003-08-16T10:44:41Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Chicago Faucet wrote:
> 2. If you end a sentence with an abbreviation: “He received his P.H.D…”, do you duplicate the period?
No. In fact, you can leave the periods off completely if you want, only having the period that you’d be using at the end of a sentence anyway.
If, however, the person with the PHD prefers that you put periods in between all the letters of PHD, then you do, and if that’s the case, you don’t add the extra period after the last period in “D.” (You _don’t_ do “P.H.D…”)
I’m studying a lot of this stuff for a course I’m taking (which is very anal-retentive about a lot of this, so I am trying to unlearn a lot of bad habits!!) but of course that does not mean that there are alternative ways of doing it, or differing points of view. But what I’ve been taught seems to be a well-established way, so I’ll be sticking with it until they change the “rules” again… 😉
---
### Author:  [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2003, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/90 "2003-08-16T10:46:08Z")
Argh. I meant to write: “but of course that does not mean that there are **not** alternative ways of doing it…”
---
### Author:  [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/91 "2003-08-17T03:09:08Z")
I would like to point out, it isn’t completely easy to use apostrophes correctly. For instance I forgive anyone who screws up possessives of multiple people who’s names end in ‘s’, etc. But _if in doubt, leave it out_. Missing an apostrophe looks like a typo. Adding one makes you look like a moron.
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \*
> **If, however, the person with the PHD prefers that you put periods in between all the letters of PHD, then you do…**
😕 Are you joking, or am I being stupid? Doesn’t PhD stand for Doctor of Philosophy (more or less)? I can see “PhD”, “PhD.”, “Ph.D.”, even “PHD.” perhaps… but surely the abbreviation is a matter of your style? I can’t tell you to address me as “M…r. Shade” can I? Tell me I’m being whooshed.
---
### Author:  [@viking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/viking)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/92 "2003-08-17T03:18:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by drewbert \*
> \*\*For years, as I went back and forth from college to home, I’d pass by a store with big, blue letters on the side: “FRANK’S GUN AND POWN”.
> \*\*
The real question here, of course, is whether that should have (should of? 🙂 ) been
FRANK’S GUN AND PAWN
or
FRANK’S GUN AND PORN
Inquiring minds want to know 🙂
---
### Author:  [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/93 "2003-08-17T03:34:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Shade \*
> 😕 Are you joking, or am I being stupid? Doesn’t PhD stand for Doctor of Philosophy (more or less)? I can see “PhD”, “PhD.”, “Ph.D.”, even “PHD.” perhaps… but surely the abbreviation is a matter of your style? I can’t tell you to address me as “M…r. Shade” can I? Tell me I’m being whooshed.
I’m studying how one should type it professionally (as in, a secretary typing a letter). The books of style I am studying state repeatedly that the individual’s preference always takes precedence over the book of style’s “rules.” So, I’m guessing that if a doctor or a company specifically wanted their name, rank or company name punctuated a certain way, the secretary who is typing the correspondence _to_ them or about them is supposed to punctuate it the way that they prefer.
But no, I can’t expect _you_ to punctuate my name “yose.emit’ebabe,” because that’s bizarre. But if you were my secretary, then yeah, that probably would be part of your job, absurd as it is.
---
### Author:  [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/94 "2003-08-17T03:41:13Z")
OK, I wasn’t sure how far personal preference went 🙂
But yes, you are entirely right that if I’m your secretary I’ll type it how you like if you want me to. After all, if you know I think it’s wrong, and are paying me to type it anyway, it’s your decision.
Thanks for clearing it up.
---
### Author:  [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/95 "2003-08-17T15:22:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by blowero \*
> \*\*Thats the best idea Ive ever heard.
> \*\*
I actually had to read this twice before I noticed that the apostrophes were missing.
See how well it works?
---
### Author:  [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/96 "2003-08-17T20:43:26Z")
Just saw another one yesterday at the fair:
“REGISTRATION FOR
LLAMA’S AND ALPACA’S
IN HERE”
People alread thinkwe’re a buncha hicks, and here you go giving them fuel to add to the fire!!!
---
### Author:  [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/97 "2003-08-17T20:44:03Z")
Just saw another one yesterday at the fair:
“REGISTRATION FOR
LLAMA’S AND ALPACA’S
IN HERE”
People alread think we’re a buncha hicks, and here you go giving them fuel to add to the fire!!!
---
### Author:  [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/98 "2003-08-17T20:57:53Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eve \*
> \*\*. . . Oh, yeah, and a couple of weeks ago, the _NY Times Magazine_ mentioned an “ATM machine.” Which is, I can only assume, a machine which dispenses Automatic Teller Machines. \*\*
Into which you enter your PIN number, of course.
---
### Author:  [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/99 "2003-08-17T21:03:01Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Nanoda \*
> \*\*Some people think using quotation marks for emphasis is [allowed](http://alt-usage-english.org/quotes_for_emphasis.html). I think it’s “so” wrong. The example I remember is a photo from someplace in the States (where this seems to happen most) over a rack of liquor, was the sign “Wine”. Which wouldn’t make me wanna buy any. 😃 \*\*
Come back, Chris Farley; all is forgiven…
---
### Author:  [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-ban-fucking-apostrophes/194443/100 "2003-08-18T00:01:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Podkayne \*
> \*\*A gas station in our town now proudly bears a spanking new sign:
>
> “BOBS FUEL AND SERVICE”
>
> \*\*
Perhaps it was actually owned by Harriet, an aspiring hairstylist?
(In which case, a comma would have been appreciated.)
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