# 'Let's just be friends' - Any of y'all do that? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 26, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638 "2003-05-26T21:51:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/21 "2003-05-27T15:13:35Z")
No, and as a matter of fact, as much as I miss my ex-fiance, I’d probably be happier in the long run if I never see him again. There’s a chance I might run into him over Labor Day weekend, and if I do, I’m not going to say anything to him at all. I cannot imagine being friends with this man after the way he dumped me, as much of a sweetie as he is. I told him that if I wanted to talk, I’d call. I see no chance of that happening anytime soon. (If this seems REALLY cold, we were supposed to get married Sunday, and this last weekend was difficult.) ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/22 "2003-05-27T15:27:32Z")
I have at least one ex with whom I remain friendly. We usually exchange emails at the holidays and stuff like that. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/23 "2003-05-27T16:46:30Z")
Well, since most of my exes are still related to me… Actually, it really does depend on each individual. Some are friends, some aren’t. But, it’s not the same as before the SO relationship with any of them. ---
**Author:** ![Sappho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sappho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sappho)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/24 "2003-05-27T16:52:05Z")
This usually depends on whether or not we were friends before we became a couple. I’ve never had a really nasty break-up either - just mutually deciding that it wasn’t quite right. My ex-girlfriend and I are very close; one of my ex-boyfriends & I are also very close. Overall, I like it when friendship is genuine. I don’t like the “keeping in touch” thing - either I want to be friends or I don’t, I don’t want to exchange the odd e-mail/phone call just because it’s nice to “stay friends”. ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/25 "2003-05-27T17:34:11Z")
My ex (as of several months ago, after 12 years of marriage) and I are still working out exactly how friendly we want to be with one another. We share kids, so we have to maintain conflict-free, friendly relationship. But it seems like we’re doing more than just meeting the minimum standards and are actually getting along and mostly enjoying one another’s company. I continue to struggle between wanting to rekindle our previous romantic relationship and feeling some resentment and hurt over her divorcing me and blaming me for all the problems we had. So it’s hard to say, long-term, how everything is going to turn out, though realistically I’m probably better off just being friends with her and not imagining that anything more would ever develop. My hunch is that if/when I do get involved with someone else, then she (the ex-) will feel less friendly and feel less inclined to do anything together socially. ---
**Author:** ![j.c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/73ab20/32.png) [@j.c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j.c)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/26 "2003-05-28T00:15:22Z")
Oh, **Pablito**. That is so sad. It must be really hard to take the high road for your kids when you are having such conflict. ---
**Author:** ![Fujerica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@Fujerica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fujerica)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/27 "2003-05-28T01:03:12Z")
I am friends with one of my exes and friendly with most of the other ones. I m in a current relationship which may soon turn into me having another ex, and since we have kids and stuff I can’t imagine not being his friend and confidant… he’s certainly my best friend, and no matter what I don’t wanna give that part up. what’s really ironic is that the guys who I had/have the hardest time during the break-up portion of our relationship are the ones whom I’m the best friends with now. I guess that’s because in neither situation did we WANT to break up, it just seemed (seems?) like the best thing to do for sanity’s sake. But it was REALLY hard on me at first… ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/28 "2003-05-28T03:33:30Z")
Nope. Can’t do it. Every time I’ve tried, things have only gotten worse and more painful. For me, anyway, the “total break” is a neccessity. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/29 "2003-05-28T05:26:15Z")
Well, a variety of responses here, but I’ll admit I’m a bit surprised at how many apparently _do_ maintain some sort of relationship with an ex. What kind of time frames are we talkin’ here? The one I mentioned above and I split up eight years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/30 "2003-05-28T13:00:44Z")
The guy I’m closest to…we dated for only about four months in college. I’ve been out of college fifteen years. There was a year or so when we first broke up that I didn’t see him. And I don’t see him more than a few times a year now - we are all busy with kids and jobs and live on the other end of town now. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/31 "2003-05-28T15:33:48Z")
I am still good friends with my ex-GF, I think major reasons for this are: We were friends before we were together. When we were together we both knew it wasn’t going to work long term. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/32 "2003-05-28T18:03:15Z")
I’ve been divorced for six years now, and after the first few months, I’ve been friends with my ex-husband. A year after the divorce, he was even a pallbearer at my dad’s funeral. I like him a lot more now that I’m not married to him. ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/33 "2003-05-28T18:14:44Z")
I have one ex-girlfriend who I’m extremely close with. We weren’t able to just go from dating to friendship though. We hated each other for about 6 months and didn’t start talking again until she moved far away. She’s probably my best friend now though. ---
**Author:** ![Sappho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sappho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sappho)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/34 "2003-05-28T19:24:25Z")
With most of my exes that are now close friends, the friendship happened straight away after breaking up; with a couple it took a few weeks or months before we could be friends. But that’s probably down to never having had a really nasty break-up. ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638/35 "2003-05-29T13:16:27Z")
I am not close friends with anyone I’ve dated, though not for lack of trying. Two guys still keep in regular contact, something like every three months and e-mail, IM or phone call will be exchanged. I have completely lost track of my ex-girlfriend, much to my frustration. I think of her frequently and worry about her. ☹ My most recent SO and I swore up and down we would still be friends after our breakup, partly b/c we were friends first and partly b/c we were so ingrained in each other’s lives it was hard to imagine it any other way. However, the combination of me marrying someone else and him saying some very hurtful things has not allowed for that possibility. I miss him and think about him, too. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-just-be-friends-any-of-yall-do-that/177638.md?page=1)