# Lets Miscast the movie "The Bible"! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 25, 2007, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273 "2007-06-25T02:16:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/1 "2007-06-25T02:16:13Z")
Imagine a movie made from the old and new testaments… How badly could it be “mis-cast?” Steven Segal as “Jesus” (Arnold “I’ll be Back!” Sharzeneger?) Pee wee herman as Moses? John Belushi as John of Patmos? Open to all actors, living or dead… I vote for Ed Wood as "Director/Producer, too… your thoughts? Have fun with this FML ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/2 "2007-06-25T02:41:00Z")
Marilyn Manson as Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Eltanin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Eltanin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eltanin)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/3 "2007-06-25T02:44:14Z")
Yul Brynner (or Telly Savalas) as Esau\* [sub]\*Genesis 27:11[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/4 "2007-06-25T02:47:20Z")
Jennifer Tilly as Mary Horatio Sanz as GOD ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/5 "2007-06-25T02:51:44Z")
Jack Black as Satan Ted Danson as Paul Paris Hilton as Mary ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/6 "2007-06-25T02:53:49Z")
Britanny as WHICH Mary? Seems she could be miscast in both parts… (grin) FML ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/7 "2007-06-25T02:56:04Z")
Pee Wee Herman as God. Or maybe Richard Simmons. ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/8 "2007-06-25T02:56:25Z")
Madonna as Eve… Adam Sandler/Jerry Lewis (From the Deam Martin/Jerry Lewis Years) as Adam… Will Ferril as Ezikiel ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/9 "2007-06-25T02:56:50Z")
Bobcat Goldthwaite as Jesus. Ray Romano as Pilate. Joe Pesci as Judas. Queen Latifa as Mary. Paris Hilton as Mary Magdalene. Mel Gibson as Peter. Keith Richards as John. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/10 "2007-06-25T03:00:28Z")
Meg Ryan as “Salome”! Keanu Reeves as “John the Baptist”! And Gilbert Gottfried as “Herod”! ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/11 "2007-06-25T03:03:23Z")
[QUOTE=jayjay] Marilyn Manson as Jesus. [/QUOTE] And Marilyn Monore as Mary Magedelene. The perfect couple. ---
**Author:** ![Operation\_Ripper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/34f0e0/32.png) [@Operation\_Ripper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Operation_Ripper)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/12 "2007-06-25T03:05:13Z")
Meh. Didn’t Mel Brooks do this already? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/13 "2007-06-25T03:07:30Z")
[QUOTE=pool] Paris Hilton as Mary [/quote] [QUOTE=don’t ask] Paris Hilton as Mary Magdalene. [/quote] And I jumped in this thread just to say: Paris Hilton as _anybody_! ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/14 "2007-06-25T03:11:13Z")
Jack Nicholson as the Archangel Michael. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/15 "2007-06-25T03:11:36Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] Pee Wee Herman as God. Or maybe Richard Simmons. [/QUOTE] Let’s make it Richard Simmons as God and Pee Wee Herman as Satan. Kathy Griffon as Mary (mother of Jesus) John Wayne as Joseph and then, completely different… Samuel L. Jackson as Jesus. [Roy Brocksmith](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0110735/) as Moses. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/16 "2007-06-25T03:12:11Z")
Keanu Reeves as Jesus: “Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.” ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/17 "2007-06-25T03:15:45Z")
Harvey Keitel has to play Noah so he can get drunk and naked in his tent. Bette Davis plays a chain smoking Mary riding into Bethlehem on a donkey (Eddie Murphey) led by Keanu Reeves as Joseph. Wait, Reeves is perfect for that role. Best to miscast the wooden, dull Joseph with Jim Carey. Baby Jesus played by Emmanuel Lewis. Twelve year old Jesus played by the creepy pre-teen Macaulay Culkin. And Jesus all growed up played by the even more creepy Chris Walken. ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/18 "2007-06-25T03:18:05Z")
John Cleese as God… Hmm. perhaps that is NOT mis casting… FML ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/19 "2007-06-25T03:20:53Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] …Pee Wee Herman as Satan. [/QUOTE] Dunno, thinking about Pee Wee sitting on the Infernal Throne does strike me as good eternal torment. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/20 "2007-06-25T03:58:48Z")
God should be played by Andy Dick. Moses should be played by Mel Gibson. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273.md?page=2)