# Lets Miscast the movie "The Bible"! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 25, 2007, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273 "2007-06-25T02:16:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/21 "2007-06-25T04:15:12Z")
Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman as Adam and Eve. Dame Edna as Jesus. Harvey Fierstein as God. Hugh Laurie as Moses. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/22 "2007-06-25T04:15:15Z")
Eddie Izzard as God. Dave Chapelle as Jesus. Madeleine Kahn as Mary. Stephen Colbert as Judas. Jon Stewart as Pontius Pilate. the three stooges as three of the disciples. Rosanne as Mary Magdalene. Fred Astaire as Moses. Al Franken as Paul. ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/23 "2007-06-25T04:28:21Z")
Nah… three Stooges as three wise men… grins FML ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/24 "2007-06-25T05:03:00Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] God should be played by Andy Dick. [/QUOTE] :eek: God will punish you for that thought. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/25 "2007-06-25T05:04:59Z")
Although I’ll follow it with… Andrew “Dice” Clay as Jesus. _“Mary, Mary, quite contrary…”_ (((shudder))) ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/26 "2007-06-25T06:28:42Z")
_sigh_ I can’t believe it when the answers are so obvious… Moses- Soupy Sales Cain- Lou Ferrigno Abel- Andy Dick Mrs. Noah- Eve Plumb… > **[The Making of '...and God Spoke' (1993) ⭐ 6.6 | Comedy](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107492/)** > > 1h 22m | R ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/27 "2007-06-25T06:42:59Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] Pee Wee Herman as God. [/QUOTE] I could see Pee Wee as Jesus and Jambi as God. Jesus: (prays) Oh Father, please, answers my prayer! God: Prayer! Did somebody say “prayer”? Jesus: Father. Yes. I pray that this water be made wine. God: Now, repeat after me: _Mekka-lekka hi mekka hiney ho! Mekka-lekka hi mekka chahney ho! Mola-mekka chala mekka hola hayla hey!_ Jesus: Hmm. Wine. Thank you father. God: Your prayer is answered. Long live God. ---
**Author:** ![Alistair\_McCello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Alistair\_McCello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alistair_McCello)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/28 "2007-06-25T07:27:21Z")
Samson totally needs to be played by Steve Buscemi. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/29 "2007-06-25T08:01:41Z")
Adam & Eve - Siegfried and Roy ---
**Author:** ![Malodorous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47774/32.png) [@Malodorous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malodorous)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/30 "2007-06-25T08:07:45Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] And I jumped in this thread just to say: Paris Hilton as _anybody_! [/QUOTE] She could do a good Jezebel. Warwick Davis as Goiliath. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/31 "2007-06-25T08:47:42Z")
French Stewart as King Solomon. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/32 "2007-06-25T08:49:21Z")
the 3 stooges for the wise men ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/33 "2007-06-25T09:40:18Z")
[QUOTE=Mosier] the 3 stooges for the wise men [/QUOTE] If only [someone](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8713068&postcount=23) had thought of that! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/34 "2007-06-25T12:41:44Z")
Woody Allen As God. Jason Alexander as Job. ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/35 "2007-06-25T12:46:09Z")
One man show, starring Pauly Shore. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/36 "2007-06-25T13:06:38Z")
Abe Vigoda, in drag, for Mary Magdalene. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/37 "2007-06-25T15:22:04Z")
[QUOTE=Szlater] One man show, starring Pauly Shore. [/QUOTE] Actually, he did ruin paradise. Pauly Shore: _This is the garden of Eeeeden_ ‘Dr. Faulkner’: No, _I_ am God. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/38 "2007-06-25T15:49:32Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] _sigh_ I can’t believe it when the answers are so obvious… Moses- Soupy Sales Cain- Lou Ferrigno Abel- Andy Dick Mrs. Noah- Eve Plumb… [/QUOTE] I was wondering why it took someone so long to post that. Abe Vigoda and Anne Ramsey as Adam and Eve Gene Simmons as Jesus Bill Cosby as Noah 😃 ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/39 "2007-06-25T16:04:14Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] Samuel L. Jackson as Jesus. [/QUOTE] \*Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking moneychangers in this motherfucking temple! \* ---
**Author:** ![Baffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dec6dc/32.png) [@Baffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baffle)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/40 "2007-06-25T16:16:31Z")
Jesus will be played by Christopher Walken. Pilate will be played by Emeril Lagasse. Herod will be played by the guy who played the really short fellow in The Man with the Golden Gun. Supporting Roles: The Twelve Apostles: Keanu Reeves, Dave Chapelle, R. Lee Ermey, Jet Li, Jack Black, Sean Connery, Al Pacino, Clint Eastwood, The Rock, Gary Coleman, Steve Buscemi, and Bob Saget. I don’t think it matters which one is which, except I bet you can guess who plays Peter. Mary Magdalene: Queen Latifah Joseph, Jesus’ father: Gary Sinise Every single person in Jesus’ patrilineage in rapid flashback: Gary Sinise dressed differently The Virgin Mary: Uni Park, made famous by Dirty Work Cain: Ben Kingsley Abel: Telly Savalas With a brief interlude with God (played by Samuel L. Jackson) talking to a young Jesus (still played by Walken): God: You’re my son. Jesus: What. God: SAY WHAT AGAIN, BITCH! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE-DARE YOU! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273.md?page=3)