# Lets Miscast the movie "The Bible"! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 25, 2007, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273 "2007-06-25T02:16:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/41 "2007-06-25T16:25:04Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] \*Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking moneychangers in this motherfucking temple! \* [/QUOTE] Samuel L. Jackson as Jesus _You better just back up, Satan!_ ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/42 "2007-06-25T16:26:56Z")
Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, Samuel Jackson has got to be Ham. Shem should be Kelsey Grammer, and Jephthah should be David Hyde Pierce. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/43 "2007-06-25T16:41:20Z")
[QUOTE=Full Metal Lotus] Nah.. three Stooges as three wise men… grins FML [/QUOTE] Ha! And Wayne Brady as Satan–does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch? Amy Sedaris as Eve; Steve Carrell as Adam. Woody Allen as Isaiah (how do you spell Isaiah?) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/44 "2007-06-25T17:01:17Z")
[QUOTE=Kozmik] Samuel L. Jackson as Jesus [/QUOTE] And Frank Whaley as a money changer in the temple. “Does God look like a bitch?” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/45 "2007-06-25T18:23:42Z")
[QUOTE=Kozmik] Samuel L. Jackson as Jesus _You better just back up, Satan!_ [/QUOTE] I want these motherfucking money changers out of this motherfucking temple. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/46 "2007-06-25T18:35:08Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I want these motherfucking money changers out of this motherfucking temple. [/QUOTE] Did you read the quote in the post you quoted? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/47 "2007-06-25T20:14:22Z")
John wayne as Jesus… Lucielle Ball as Mary… FML ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/48 "2007-06-25T20:42:53Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] And I jumped in this thread just to say: Paris Hilton as _anybody_! [/QUOTE] Well, Hilton as Salome would actually be good casting. I vote for filling the role of patiently-suffering Job with Lewis Black. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/49 "2007-06-25T21:29:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Scuba\_Ben** > And I jumped in this thread just to say: Paris Hilton as anybody! No, she has to be Martha. The one who wouldn’t stop working to schmooze when the disciples came to visit. ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/50 "2007-06-26T01:54:43Z")
John Wayne as a Roman Centurion. Oh, wait. That’s been done, hasn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/51 "2007-06-26T02:11:16Z")
[QUOTE=JonScribe] John Wayne as a Roman Centurion. Oh, wait. That’s been done, hasn’t it? [/QUOTE] And that’s still not as bad as John Wayne as Genghis Khan… ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/52 "2007-06-26T02:12:54Z")
[QUOTE=Tangent] Did you read the quote in the post you quoted? 😉 [/QUOTE] Hey, the good ones bear repeating. I love Lewis Black as Job. Or Samuel Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/53 "2007-06-27T01:54:20Z")
Let’s go with the lazy, paint by numbers first: George Burns as God Tom Hanks as Jesus Doris Day as Mary Rutger Hauer as Judas Then pass into the bizarre: Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees as Matthew, Mark, Luke and John Marlon Brando as Paul Eve Arden as Mary Magdalene ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273/54 "2007-06-27T02:37:41Z")
[QUOTE=kunilou] Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees as Matthew, Mark, Luke and John [/QUOTE] I was saving them for Revelations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-miscast-the-movie-the-bible/409273.md?page=2)