# Let's play Death is not an Option! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 24, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860 "2004-10-24T03:37:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/1 "2004-10-24T03:37:29Z")
You have to have sex with one of two people. Death is not an option. Which one would you pick? For the purposes of this thread: – You may propose more than one choice. You may answer more than one choice. Each choice may be answered more than once. –You can remain true to your own sexual orientation if you wish, but you don’t have to. –Assume everyone in history is alive and well. –Fictional characters are acceptable, but you can only have a choice between 2 fictional or 2 real people, not a choice between a fictional and a real person. Okay, I’ll start: George W. Bush or John Kerry? Martha Stewart or Hillary Clinton? The Scarecrow or the Cowardly Lion? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/2 "2004-10-24T03:48:23Z")
…Death is not an option? _is somewhat bewildered_ You are very weird. But I’ll play along. Kerry, Hillary, Scarecrow. (Wtf on all three, mate?) Wolverine or Cyclops? Magneto or Professor X? Storm or Jean Gray? Iceman or Pyro? (Yeah, I saw the movie today. So sue me. ;)) ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/3 "2004-10-24T03:49:32Z")
Your mother or your daughter? There, that should kill that thread. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/4 "2004-10-24T03:51:18Z")
My daughter, as she doesn’t exist. Hm… Sheila Copps or John Manley? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/5 "2004-10-24T03:53:52Z")
_shudder_ John Manley. Shrek or Og? (You want a thread killer?) ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/6 "2004-10-24T03:55:48Z")
Martha. After we’re done, perhaps I could get her to spruce up my living room a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/7 "2004-10-24T04:03:29Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > …Death is not an option? > > _is somewhat bewildered_ > > You are very weird. But I’ll play along. > Kerry, Hillary, Scarecrow. (Wtf on all three, mate?) You’re missing the point, I think. The choice is supposed to be between two people that you really wouldn’t want to have sex with. (And stop trying to kill my thread!) ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/8 "2004-10-24T04:06:25Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > _shudder_ > > John Manley. > > Shrek or Og? > > (You want a thread killer?) Shrek. Your mother or your father? _wanders off to prepare a thread eulogy_ ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/9 "2004-10-24T04:16:59Z")
My mother. 'Cause I’d rather be an incestuous lesbian than an incestuous necrophiliac. Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble? Robert Novak or James Carville? David Letterman or Jay Leno? Richard Nixon or J. Edgar Hoover? ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/10 "2004-10-24T04:24:18Z")
> [@Green Bean](#): > > My mother. 'Cause I’d rather be an incestuous lesbian than an incestuous necrophiliac. > > Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble? > > Robert Novak or James Carville? > > David Letterman or Jay Leno? > > Richard Nixon or J. Edgar Hoover? Fred Flintstone. Robert Novak. Jay Leno. J. Edgar, because at least he’d wear women’s clothing. Charles Manson or John Wayne Gacy? Bob Dylan or Neil Young? Celine Dion or Calista Flockhart? Joey Ramone or Johnny Ramone? ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/11 "2004-10-24T04:25:06Z")
> [@Green Bean](#): > > George W. Bush or John Kerry? > > Martha Stewart or Hillary Clinton? > > The Scarecrow or the Cowardly Lion? Waaaait a minute, is this poll meant to predict the outcome of the presidential election? Anyhoo, I’d do Nixon, if it could be a young Nixon, rather than the current (dead) version. And James Carville, Barney Rubble, and Letterman. I feel dirty. Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh? Ann Coulter or Barbara Bush? Al Franken or Michael Moore? Your first grade teacher or your high school principal? ZJ ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/12 "2004-10-24T04:30:40Z")
From **Green Bean** ’s list: Barney Rubble, 'cause he looks kinda like a twink. James Carville, because he looks just like the banjo-playing kid from _Deliverance_, which is bad, but Novak looks like Jabba the Hutt, which is worse. David Letterman, no question. Richard Nixon v. J. Edgar is hard, because they both fucked America pretty hard, and someone needs to return the favor. I’ll got with Nixon, because Hoover would enjoy it too much. My own: Saddam or bin Laden? Nancy Reagan or Barbara Bush? Marlon Brando at his fatest, or Elvis at his fatest? Gollum or Dobbey? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/13 "2004-10-24T04:39:25Z")
Fat Brando vs. Fat Elvis: Elvis, cause he was still Elvis, ya know? First Grade Teacher vs. High School Principal: Principal. He ran off with the art teacher, so he must have had _something_ to offer. Nancy vs. Barbara: Barbara. I’d be afraid of breaking Nancy in half. Bob Dylan vs. Neil Young: Neil Young. He’s ugly and annoying, but Bob Dylan is uglier and annoyinger. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/14 "2004-10-24T08:17:42Z")
Madeline Albright or Jeanne Kirkpatrick? Liberace or Sydney Greenstreet? Fat Judy Garland or Fat Liza Minelli? Jesse Helms or Strom Thurmond? ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/15 "2004-10-24T08:39:06Z")
Barney Frank or James Trafficant? Hillary Clinton or Laura Bush? Mrs. Marsh or Mrs. Cartman? (I was going to include Mellisa Etheridge in here, but I can’t think of _anyone_ that wouldn’t sleep with her) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/16 "2004-10-24T08:48:53Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > (I was going to include Mellisa Etheridge in here, but I can’t think of _anyone_ that wouldn’t sleep with her) 😉 Well, David Crosby, for one. 😉 > [@duffer](#): > > Mrs. Marsh or Mrs. Cartman? Damn the torpedos…I have to know what everybody in South Park saw in Mrs. Cartman! (even if she’s really a biological man) But here’s one: Bruce Vilanche or Graham Norton? ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/17 "2004-10-24T08:52:02Z")
_George W. Bush or John Kerry?_ Bush. Then I’d go public and ruin him! I’d consider it a patriotic sacrifice for the good of my country. _Martha Stewart or Hillary Clinton?_ Hillary. I’d be too afraid Martha would hurt me. She’s mean. I’m not into S&M. _The Scarecrow or the Cowardly Lion?_ The Cowardly Lion. I do like soft, furry things, though. _Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh?_ O’Reilly. Maybe I could get into some sadism, actually. But then I would have to kill myself by jumping into a vat of bleach. _shudder_ _Ann Coulter or Barbara Bush?_ Ann Coulter. But only if she let me pie her first. _Al Franken or Michael Moore?_ Al Franken. It’s obvious he’s circumcised. Don’t know about MM, but intact willies make me chuckle and…well…that’s just rude when you’re trying to get it on. _Your first grade teacher or your high school principal?_ I don’t remember either, so either one. Ok, my turn: Michael Jackson or Elizabeth Taylor? Mr. Ed or Edgar Winters? Your boss or your spouse/mate’s best friend? ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/18 "2004-10-24T12:59:34Z")
> [@chatelaine](#): > > Charles Manson or John Wayne Gacy? > > Bob Dylan or Neil Young? > > Celine Dion or Calista Flockhart? > > Joey Ramone or Johnny Ramone? Charles Manson: Charlie’d spot you some LSD. Johnnie would only tie you to a board. Neil Young: Because I could probably distract him long enough to forget about it. Calista Flockhart: If she breaks, she breaks. Johnny Ramone: Because Johnny wouldn’t be able to get it up. (Sorry, I don’t swing that way.) ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/19 "2004-10-24T13:02:08Z")
Forgot to add a new one… Lord Jesus or Lord Krishna? ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860/20 "2004-10-24T14:51:19Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Forgot to add a new one… > > Lord Jesus or Lord Krishna? Lord Jesus, again for the self-sacrificing, good for the world kinda thing. Joseph Stalin or Benito Mussolini? (alive or dead, your choice) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-play-death-is-not-an-option/270860.md?page=2)