# Let's pork this asshole. Attorney General Greg Abbott, the Republican nominee for governor of Texas. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 2, 2014, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630 "2014-08-02T09:51:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/21 "2014-08-02T21:37:36Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Plural? You have more than one? Well, there was that accident with the rake… ☹ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/22 "2014-08-02T22:05:51Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Why do you want to pork the Attorney General of Texas? Well, um, **Frank** , I know this is uncomfortable, but I think it’s time we had this talk. Sometimes when a pig really loves another pig, they get together and express their love. This is much like how you were created. Your mom and dad got together to express their love and created you. But it is different from when your mom and I get together every other Saturday, because your mom’s a whore. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/23 "2014-08-03T02:13:08Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > I’m sorry. I incorrectly assumed you could read the link. Which link? Because you threw in some unrelated bullshit just to be edgy or something, and didn’t actually bother to explain or analyze the situation. Just “LOLz AG sux blah unrelated-dumb-link!!!1one” Do a little more work next time. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/24 "2014-08-03T04:41:50Z")
Texas Republican doesn’t like gay people. Not exactly a “man bites dog” story. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/25 "2014-08-03T04:47:03Z")
We’re about [here](http://www.rgnaturalbabies.com/images/Puzzle-FarmSound.jpg) on the effort required to put the pieces of the puzzle together, guys. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/26 "2014-08-03T05:33:41Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > I did read the link. It said [Opinion: Texas' ludicrous legal procreation argument against gay marriage](http://www.latimes.com/opinion/opinion-la/la-ol-texas-gay-marriage-20140801-story.html). Didn’t help much. > > Why do you want to pork the Attorney General of Texas? 'cos he finds him dreamy? ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/27 "2014-08-03T05:46:02Z")
Do I remember correctly that male pigs have a corkscrew-shaped penis? Because I was drunk at the time, and/or I don’t care to Google this. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/28 "2014-08-03T08:12:07Z")
You do remember correctly. You may also remember correctly that lady pigs have corkscrew-shaped vaginas. If your memory includes the bit about lady pigs being blessed with thirty-minute orgasms, you may safely delete that one. Or simply file it under “Interesting Factoids That Do Not Stand Up to Scrutiny.” Because that one is a myth. ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/29 "2014-08-03T08:16:50Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > If your memory includes the bit about lady pigs being blessed with thirty-minute orgasms, you may safely delete that one. Or simply file it under “Interesting Factoids That Do Not Stand Up to Scrutiny.” Because that one is a myth. Um, you know this… how? (Please please please be Google…) ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/30 "2014-08-03T09:11:09Z")
> [@xenophon41](#): > > Um, you know this… how? > > (Please please please be Google…) I’m guessing he knows **Frank’s** mom. I want to make it very clear that I have have nothing against **Frank**. I’m using him purely as a platform for bad yo mama jokes. But if pigs have thirty minute orgasms… I can’t resist that setup ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/31 "2014-08-03T09:58:59Z")
> [@xenophon41](#): > > Um, you know this… how? > > (Please please please be Google…) I read a pair of Unca Cecil’s books, some twenty-five years ago. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/32 "2014-08-03T15:04:24Z")
“Christ Jesus!” cried Christopher Robin “Will somebody please tell Piglet to shut the \*fuck \*up!”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/33 "2014-08-03T15:06:49Z")
All you Turds still around? I _FINALLY_ figured out how to be pitted. Gimme more, Gimme more… Squeal! And Fuck Dopers who ride bicycles! ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/34 "2014-08-03T15:17:30Z")
Its Texas, what do people expect? I’m hoping all the theories are true and that Texas will go the way of North Carolina and Virginia. It’ll go from a deep red state to a purple/light blue state. But we shall see. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/35 "2014-08-03T15:20:35Z")
So, this guy is out traveling in the rural boondocks, and stops by a farm house to get directions. On his way to the house, he see’s a pig with three normal legs and one wooden leg. After a brief and cordial exchange with the farmer, he is about to return to his car when he remarks upon the extraordinary fact of a three-legged pig. “Heck” says the farmer "that is the most remarkable and amazing pig anyone in these parts has ever seen or heard about! That pig can read, write, and solve something called a “differential equation!” “The Devil you say!” exclaimed the traveler. “Not only that!” continued the farmer, warming to his topic. “We had a fire start in the basement last year, and that pig grabbed the baby’s crib and pulled it outside to a safe distance, then ran back inside to alert the rest of us. We then managed to contain the fire, thus he saved our lives \*and \*our house!” “Astonishing! But how did he come to have only three legs?” “Well, you don’t eat a pig like that all at one time!” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/36 "2014-08-03T15:26:41Z")
Jeez. Do I have to spell it out for you? Ok, I will. Imagine Greg Abbott as _your_ Attorney General. Can we get The Pit going now? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/37 "2014-08-03T15:55:17Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > Jeez. Do I have to spell it out for you? Ok, I will. Imagine Greg Abbott as _your_ Attorney General. Can we get The Pit going now? I don’t have to imagine. He IS my Attorney General. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/38 "2014-08-03T16:14:32Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > Jeez. Do I have to spell it out for you? Ok, I will. Imagine Greg Abbott as _your_ Attorney General. Can we get The Pit going now? Well, at least the corruption level would go down a bit… ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/39 "2014-08-03T16:21:40Z")
Wow. A moron is running for governor of Texas. What a surprise :rolleyes: God DAMN these fucking new smilies to hell and beyond! ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/40 "2014-08-03T18:34:13Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > 1. Don’t call it ‘porking’ just because of some cutesy tie-in to one’s screen name Oh, barf. Is that what’s going on? If it is, then I hate you 144% more than I did already. The absolute LAST thing this place needs is someone else desperately trying to start their own little personalized meme. It won’t happen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630.md?page=3)