# Let's pork this asshole. Attorney General Greg Abbott, the Republican nominee for governor of Texas. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 2, 2014, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630 "2014-08-02T09:51:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/41 "2014-08-03T18:43:42Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > Jeez. Do I have to spell it out for you? Ok, I will. Imagine Greg Abbott as _your_ Attorney General. Can we get The Pit going now? OK, I’ve done that, now what? ( I live in Illinois, all my politicians are assholes. ) ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/42 "2014-08-03T18:46:50Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Oh, barf. Is that what’s going on? If it is, then I hate you 144% more than I did already. The absolute LAST thing this place needs is someone else desperately trying to start their own little personalized meme. It won’t happen. Yes, that would be a bad direction for the board to head in. A very bad direction. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/43 "2014-08-03T18:52:20Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Oh, barf. Is that what’s going on? If it is, then I hate you 144% more than I did already. The absolute LAST thing this place needs is someone else desperately trying to start their own little personalized meme. It won’t happen. Throw that bastard little pig down in the quarry! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/44 "2014-08-03T19:21:34Z")
When come back bring pork pie. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/45 "2014-08-03T23:28:11Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > Jeez. Do I have to spell it out for you? Yes, please. > [@](#): > > Ok, I will. Imagine Greg Abbott as _your_ Attorney General. OK, so what? Why is that wrong? You better wise up, Janet Weiss. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/46 "2014-08-04T13:49:58Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Do I remember correctly that male pigs have a corkscrew-shaped penis? Because I was drunk at the time… I feel like you’d remember taking a corkscrew-shaped penis no matter how drunk you were, if for no other reason than because you might have tried to use it to open a wine bottle after coitus. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/47 "2014-08-04T20:05:02Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > I think porking is illegal in Texas. No? Depends on the age of the porkee. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/48 "2014-08-05T04:05:16Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > I’m sorry. I incorrectly assumed you could read the link. Let me guess. You copy/pasted wikipedia articles for research papers in high school. Or is that just your plan for when you get there? ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/49 "2014-08-05T11:34:30Z")
So a **Little\_Pig** in the **BBQ Pit**! Will it be a Kansas City, Memphis, Texas or Carolina style barbecuing? And a _LA Times_ opinion piece on the **Texas** Republican nominee for governor is weak sauce. This **Little\_Pig** should have advised **TogoFan** about stretching nostril openings (cuz, ya know, even little pigs have large nostril openings [I shouldn’t have explained that, should I?]). ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/50 "2014-08-05T12:49:06Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I think people who haven’t been here long underestimate how click-phobic this place is. It’s a thing elsewhere online to just embed information in a link. > > Sorry, **Porky** , but that don’t fly on this board. Maybe it’s just the parts of the Web that I frequent, but if a writer wants a reader to click on a link, IME the writer generally does a bit more to sell it than the OP has. Here, as in most places I go, the standard is pretty simple: you still have to make at least the bare bones of your own argument. You can link to another source for a more thorough argument, or for substantiation of particular facts that you’re asserting along the way, but you still have to make some sort of basic argument, like “Texas AG Abbott is a bad person because he throws parties where he barbecues gay illegal immigrant children” or some such. And at the link, you would expect to find either substantiation that he barbecues gay illegal immigrant children, or a more detailed argument about why that’s a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/51 "2014-08-05T12:51:10Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > You better wise up, Janet Weiss. His pork pie don’t taste too nice. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/52 "2014-08-05T13:02:10Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > Can we get The Pit going now? Seems to be going pretty well, just not in the direction you had hoped. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/53 "2014-08-05T13:31:52Z")
Interesting OP User name/thread title combo. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/54 "2014-08-05T14:59:33Z")
Abbott will most likely defeat Wendy Davis regardless. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/55 "2014-08-05T15:19:14Z")
Pit fail. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/56 "2014-08-05T19:14:54Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Do I remember correctly that male pigs have a corkscrew-shaped penis? Because I was drunk at the time, and/or I don’t care to Google this. Also ducks. But the pigs got a chapter in BONK: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, mostly because there aren’t many government duck inseminating programs. > [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > . . . the problem is that the AG of Texas says that it’s the state’s job to encourage producing children, and since you can’t make babies in gay marriages (never mind surrogacy, adoption, IV fertilization if one of the couple is female, etc.) then Texas shouldn’t be OK with gay marriage. Is that an actual sign of his poor thinking, or even of his personal opinion? If you’re AG of Texas, I expect you’ll get told to protest that thing. And if you’re protesting that thing, what else are you going to say? That it’ll cause the neighbor children to be born with obscure tattoos? Even if he was pro gay marriage (I know nothing about the man, so I have no guess), he’d be best served by serving up a weak argument. It reminds me of Suzette Haden Elgin’s advice on what to do when you’ve been assigned the promotion of something that you’re against. She said argue for it with due diligence, but use a metaphor that causes people unavoidable unconscious irritation. Apparently for many academics the contaminant metaphor is campus parking. Maybe he’s using “the government wants to promote people having many babies” as a contaminant metaphor. It would sure get up the nose of any conservative who’s been discussing welfare recently. Is he using any other metaphors, besides government promoting babies? ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/57 "2014-08-05T19:27:53Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Specifically, Abbott’s opinion can be found in the state’s appeal of a ruling that Texas’ gay marriage ban is unconstitutional. > > “Abbott argues in a brief to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans that Texas can ban same-sex marriage based on the state’s interest in procreation.”… Greg Abbott had been married two years when a falling oak tree rendered him paraplegic–back in 1984. [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Abbott) mentions that their daughter is adopted. If he was all that interested in “procreation” perhaps he ought to had had the marriage annulled to allow his young wife to do her part with populating the great state of Texas. Of course, this was a personal tragedy–but he’s going to court to interfere with lots of folks’ very personal lives. (And I do think it worth mentioning that he got $10 million dollars from the negligent tree owners; he worked for a high-tone law firm at the time. Later, he capped punitive damages for Texans.) It’s easy enough to come up with reasons Abbott is worthless. (He’s not an idiot, but he’s glad to play one to reach our state’s Republican voters.) For example: > [@](#): > > Abbott has described his job as “I go into the office in the morning, I sue Barack Obama, and then I go home.” In your OP, write a brief paragraph & then add a supplemental link, if you wish. We’ve had too many idiots drop a Youtube link & then want to “debate”… ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2014, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630/58 "2014-08-06T04:36:46Z")
Holy Christ on a crying crutch. I thought I had some stupid rants in my daily whisky drinking days. I stayed away from the pit for a few years hoping people would forget some of the stupid shit I said. Then I see this OP and realize I was actually ok. Even then. Vindication! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-pork-this-asshole-attorney-general-greg-abbott-the-republican-nominee-for-governor-of-texas/694630.md?page=2)