# Let's ruin ALL kid's games! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2005, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831 "2005-12-02T23:08:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/41 "2005-12-03T21:02:33Z")
Outlaw ALL games. No matter what you do, someone will be better at them than someone else. Unfair! Oppression! Games bad! ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/42 "2005-12-03T21:03:44Z")
> [@Fern Forest](#): > > Hmm, confine kids to a small area for 13 years of their life. I bet they’d _slurp_ be nice and tender _slurp_ at graduation. Now where’s my grill? [Homer Simpson]Mmmmmmmmm. Feed lots.[/Homer] ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/43 "2005-12-03T21:53:51Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Not to hijack…but \*piggy[/]i in the middle? The fuck you talkin’ bout? Everyone knows it’s monkey in the middle. Can’t use “monkey”, there might be black kids around. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/44 "2005-12-03T21:59:40Z")
> [@BraheSilver](#): > > Pin the tail on the donkey - the pin actually goes into a clear plastic screen. The donkey is behind that screen and gets moved so that the pin is in the correct place when the child takes the blindfold off. Or, have a monstrous chimeric donkey that is composed entirely of asses. I thought my mom was a real buzz kill when she made us play this with tape instead of thumb tacks. It’s always fun to accidentally stick one of the party guests! Instead of playing “war” (with a deck of cards) we should call it “Use Our Inside Voices”. And don’t forget…no hittin’ in the face!!! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/45 "2005-12-03T22:07:32Z")
Actually, I **do** think that Smear the Queer at the very least needs to be renamed; there’s no way I’ll let my kids play a game with that name, any more than I’ll let them recite eeny meeny miney moe with the original words intact. That said, I agree that the pinata thing is idiotic. I work for a humane society, and at one event our rather addlepated PR person brought a donkey-shaped pinata for the kids to play with. Our executive director nearly blew a gasket, given how pinatas encourage children to practice animal abuse. I was pretty disgusted with both of them :). On Thursday, I had to teach a probability lesson to a group of 7th-graders. SEtting aside the fact that my classmates who were teaching segments of this lesson were completely ignorant of how probability works, I also wasn’t allowed to teach what I wanted to teach: the probability of casino games. I figure that one of the most useful lessons in probability that anyone can get is that **the house always wins**. If kids don’t understand how telephone polls derive their confidence margin, that’s okay. But if they grow up thinking that you can beat the house, there’s a problem. Unfortunately, you can’t teach gambling in the schools, so no dice. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/46 "2005-12-03T22:26:41Z")
Chutes and ladders will consist of a looping path so that no-one is declared winner. The game is over when someone lands on the “group hug” square. “Red Rover” is discriminatory in the practice of calling one person at a time. Others may feel left out. The entire team should slowly walk over, holding hands, and link up the ends of the line with the other teams, making a big circle! Yay! Everybody wins!! “Mother May I” is banned outright. Cake at birthday parties is unhealthy and teaches bad habits. Only vegetables shall be served. Goody bags should be full of healthy recipes to take home. Monopoly shall be changed into “Socialism.” Each player shall contribute only what they are able, and shall receive only what they need. All properties are owned by the state. Cheaters chall report to “reform camps” (renamed: learning parties). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/47 "2005-12-03T23:33:25Z")
Did we do Ring Around the Rosie yet? “Ring around the rosie a pocket full of posies ashes ashes we all fall down” which, my husband tells me, was about the Black Plague and everybody dying. That might be a bit of a buzzkill for caffeinated, sugared-up kids. Have to change it to: “Ring around the rosie a pocket full of posies happy happy we all give hugs” “Crack the Whip” on ice is completely out. Come to think of it, ice skates must also be abolished. I mean, blades AND pointy tips? And kids skating in the cold where they might frostbite their tender little tootsies? Barbaric. And downhill sledding? Out. We’ll change it to cross-country sledding, so no one gets hurt. And we’ll do it in summer, when kids won’t get cold. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/48 "2005-12-04T02:36:41Z")
Monopoly - “Go Directly to Jail” will be replaced with “Go to the Time Out Chair.” If you cannot afford rent, your rent will be paid by the government. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/49 "2005-12-04T10:14:59Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Chess–too much for elementary school kids. Too complex, too cut-throat. For Mature Teens, only. The complexity’s not the issue. The two hulking elephants in the room are: 1. Elitism. The pieces are not all equal; some are “better” or “more powerful” than others; and the pawns are supposed to have the lure of promotion to spur them on, when in reality hardly any pawns will ever make it. 2. Racism. Black versus white! How much worse could it get? _And_ the whites have the unfair advantage of the first move. :mad: In all earnestness, concerning point 2, a chess-for-children book (can’t remember which one) featured an annotated chess game in the style of a children’s story. It was submitted for approval to some educational governing body, which said nothing about the quality of the chess teaching or user-friendliness of the approach, but contented itself with observing sniffily “it would have been more symbolically exciting if the blacks had been allowed to win”. Why does white move first in chess? Once upon a time the draw for colours was followed by a draw for first move, until the persistent superstition among chess players that black was a “lucky” colour led to the white-first rule as compensation. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/50 "2005-12-04T11:07:42Z")
> [@Ghanima](#): > > Chutes and ladders will consist of a looping path so that no-one is declared winner. The game is over when someone lands on the “group hug” square. Isn’t “Chutes and Ladders” itself a sanitization of “Snakes and Ladders”? I wan’t a cool S&L board like Amanda Donohoe had in LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/51 "2005-12-04T11:32:35Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > And downhill sledding? Out. We’ll change it to cross-country sledding, so no one gets hurt. And we’ll do it in summer, when kids won’t get cold. Like that credit card commercial where the guy takes his family skiing in summer to save money on off-season. Bwahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/52 "2005-12-04T19:16:08Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > The complexity’s not the issue. The two hulking elephants in the room are: > > 1. Elitism. The pieces are not all equal; some are “better” or “more powerful” than others; and the pawns are supposed to have the lure of promotion to spur them on, when in reality hardly any pawns will ever make it. > 2. Racism. Black versus white! How much worse could it get? _And_ the whites have the unfair advantage of the first move. :mad:\ Well, of course! How did I miss that? The obvious solution is for all the players to be the same piece and the same colour - tan. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/53 "2005-12-04T19:22:20Z")
You know, the further we take it and the more ridiculous we make this thread, the angrier I’m getting at people who want to sanitize the world. They need to just…stop. Life is not supposed to be never-ending happiness and light - we need some adversity and darkness to make it worth living. I truly do feel sorry for any kids being raised with the idea of protecting them from all negative influences in their lives. How stunted will these kids grow up, on a diet of shiny, happy cotton candy fluff? Is this why kids commit crimes and feel depressed and do self-damaging things? Because they instinctively feel the need for balance in their lives that their parents refuse to give them? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/54 "2005-12-05T14:00:13Z")
[hijack] Back in October I was watching my friend’s 8 year old son while she was out of town. One morning, as I was waiting with him for the school bus, I told him he should practice writing some of his spelling words while on the (45 minute) bus ride to school. I almost swallowed my own tongue when he told me they are no longer allowed to do homework on the bus because the bus might hit a bump and they could accidentally stab themselves with their pens or pencils. :rolleyes: When I was a kid, our swingsets on the school playground were made of a hard plastic that hurt like hell if you got konked on the head with one. Did I mention our swingsets were also on pavement? So were the slides. It wasn’t until some klutz fell off the top of the slide and broke his arm that they moved the equipment onto the grass. I am truly pained to know that kids today will never know the joys of jumping off the swings to see who can jump the farthest and earning points for doing it onto pavement. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/55 "2005-12-05T14:15:28Z")
Amen, **feather and Chao**. Old Maid–how sexist is THIS? Change the whole game to make the point to obtain the wisdom of the ancients (as expressed by a playing card) --winner gets to feel connected with prior generations and a part of cultural memory. Solitaire–this is a joke, right? No well adjusted kid ever plays alone. Uno-we need games in English, please. Mille Bornes-ditto. And there are alot of violent scenes on those cards…best not to expose the kiddies to this one at all. Plus, it’s French. Poker-gambling, sin, moral turpitude, avarice, sloth, promiscuity. Need I say more? Crazy 8’s–Marginalizes the mentally ill in a disgusting way. (what worries me is that I could go on and on here…BTW: re Uno. I put that there because it seems to me that the folks who are so into all this feel good stuff always seem to balk at true diversity.) ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/56 "2005-12-05T14:49:21Z")
Anybody here ever play [http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00000IS1M/103-1246500-6050202](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00000IS1M/103-1246500-6050202) The Ungame? It came out in the 1970’s. Read the Amazon description: \*The leading family communications game. Players progress along the playing board as they answer questions such as, “What are the four most important things in your life” and “What do you think life would be like in 100 years?” This non-competitive game can be a great ice-breaker or a serious exchange of thoughts, feelings and ideas. Ages 5-Adult, 2-6 Players Encourages communication and self-expression in a non-threatening atmosphere. Approved by Parents, Teachers & Counselors! Improves Relationships! The regular version includes a variety of general questions. Received the “Parent’s Guide Award” in 1999. \* Believe me, you haven’t lived until you’ve played a board game that encourages communication and self-expression in a non-threatening atmosphere. Hey, that could describe the SDMB. Fascinating. My idea for hide and seek was that it would take place in a 10 x 10 room containing only a couch and a chair. The “hider” would pick an Emotion card and then try to hide the emotion depicted on it. The “seeker”, using non-threatening communication techniques, would try to figure out what emotion the “hider” was suppressing. If, after 50 minutes, the “seeker” fails, they would reverse roles. If the “seeker” succeeds, the game is over and the “hider” pays the “seeker” $100.00. ---
**Author:** ![NE\_Texan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@NE\_Texan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NE_Texan)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/57 "2005-12-05T15:48:12Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Baseball - obvious solution is that no score is kept. Looking at it in more depth, each kid bats until he hits the ball. Other kids throw slowly so they don’t throw anyone out. Now, wait a minute - what about the self-esteem of the fielders? Don’t you think they’ll feel bad, never throwing anyone out? _Won’t someone think of the fielding_ kids? You need a game where every fielder is assumed to have caught the ball and thrown to first correctly. (Even though it can’t generate an out, since that would bother the runner.) ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/58 "2005-12-05T16:01:31Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Can’t use “monkey”, there might be black kids around. Well, you certainly can’t use _piggie_. There might be fat kids around! > [@The Mad Hermit](#): > > Why bother with the potential lawsuits? Each child should have 15-30 min. instruction in a exercise room, with a treadmill, Nautilus machines, And what about the lawsuits that happen as a result of little Spencer or Hannah pinching a finger in the weights on the Nautilus? Hmmm? And treadmills? Think of the trauma of poor little Logan who has leg braces and can’t _use_ a treadmill. This is simply _not_ acceptable! ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/59 "2005-12-05T16:43:09Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > My idea for hide and seek was that it would take place in a 10 x 10 room containing only a couch and a chair. The “hider” would pick an Emotion card and then try to hide the emotion depicted on it. The “seeker”, using non-threatening communication techniques, would try to figure out what emotion the “hider” was suppressing. If, after 50 minutes, the “seeker” fails, they would reverse roles. If the “seeker” succeeds, the game is over and the “hider” pays the “seeker” $100.00. _snork_ Brilliant! I hereby nominate this for Best Bastardised Game Suggestion of Thread. ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831/60 "2005-12-05T18:12:05Z")
> [@amaranta](#): > > Run? RUN?! What if someone trips? No no, team A can call a member of team B, who will walk, slowly and carefully, over to team A. Nonsense. Team A will respectfully request that team B, only after due deliberation, select a volunteer who _wants_ to come over. Then, a teacher will phone the Board of Edjucation who will immediately dispatch a special-needs vehicle to assure that the child arrives safely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-ruin-all-kids-games/333831.md?page=4)