# Let's see how many wrong and insulting assumptions we can fit into just four words! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 30, 2002, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388 "2002-08-30T23:54:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/61 "2002-09-01T21:15:08Z")
A village? Canada has a navy, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2002, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/62 "2002-09-01T21:33:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by xcheopis \* > \*\*Here in California, we have instituted a Catch-and-Release program. A homosexual in an isolated area is transported here, acclimated to his/her own kind and then released back into the native habitat, confident to identify others of its kind. \*\* I hear that when they’re isolated for too long, the homosexual wil lose its hunting instincts. How do you re-train them before you release them again? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/63 "2002-09-01T21:59:01Z")
Welcome to the Amish Homo Village! This year, like last year, simple black and white is _all the rage!_. Here you see one repairing a kerosene powered sex toy. Don’t forget to visit our gift shoppe for Amish Homo crafts galore! Special this week on needlepoint samplers in Robert Mapplethorpe themes. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2002, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/64 "2002-09-01T22:03:39Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > So what’s your fascination with the metro system? > > It’s like Trainspotting for sober people? Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Intaglio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/71e660/32.png) [@Intaglio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intaglio)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/65 "2002-09-02T00:38:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MGibson \* > \*\*So what’s your fascination with the metro system? > \*\* I think you’d need to ask Felini 'bout that one, hmm…? ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/66 "2002-09-02T00:43:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\*This year, like last year, simple black and white is _all the rage!_. Here you see one repairing a kerosene powered sex toy. > \*\* Your homo historical fact of the day: The first vibrators were steam powered. Speaking as one of the board’s young homosexuals who is valiantly trying to obtain higher education with a twist of rainbow, would anyone like to adopt me? Every month I’ll send you a letter with a rainbow sticker. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/67 "2002-09-02T01:03:26Z")
I’ll adopt you, but you have to come over here and redecorate my place. Oh, damn, you’re a _female_ homosexual. You have to come over here and maintain my car and motorbike. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/68 "2002-09-02T01:21:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > **Your homo historical fact of the day: The first vibrators were steam powered.** First we have free-range homosexuals, now we have the steam-powered ‘Iron Horse’ chugging its merry way across the plains. Now all we need to complete the image is a cowboy or two. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/69 "2002-09-02T01:31:40Z")
Hi, this is Sally Struthers. There are many young homosexuals who need your help now. For just 80 cents a day - the price of a cup of coffee - you can sponsor a young homosexual. Look at Daniel. He needs basic care and feeding, as well as vaccinations, a roof over his head, and a feather boa. Right now he works 12-hour days in a Dolce & Gabbana factory, stictching high-end boxer-briefs. His dream is to go to hairdressing school. Won’t you please help him out? It only costs less than a dollar a day. You’ll receive a picture of your sponsored homosexual, and monthy letters telling of their progress and exploits. “Hi. I am so glad you sponsored me. Today I bought a new rainbow flag to use as curtains. Later, I went to a huge circuit party, did some E, then went home with two guys from Boston. It was very fun. Thank you so much for your sponsorship. Love, Tristan.” Won’t you please help out these homosexuals? It’s easy. Call now, and use your Visa or MasterCard. Remember, for the cost of a Mosschino shirt, you can sponsor a homosexual for a few days. Please call now. Homosexuals need your help. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/70 "2002-09-02T01:41:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\* > Speaking as one of the board’s young homosexuals who is valiantly trying to obtain higher education with a twist of rainbow, would anyone like to adopt me? Every month I’ll send you a letter with a rainbow sticker. \*\* Exactly how much **does** it cost to keep you in flannel shirts? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/71 "2002-09-02T02:13:56Z")
I almost had a pet queer. It followed me home, but my mom said I couldn’t keep it. She said that she likes our home decor just fine and my sister hates show tunes. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/72 "2002-09-02T02:15:05Z")
Y’all excuse me while I fall over laughing, now hear? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/73 "2002-09-02T02:23:46Z")
Gawd, this is hilarious. I want a homosexual too! Everyone else is getting one! I promise, I will feed him and clean up after him, and he can sleep in my room, OK? Please? ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/74 "2002-09-02T02:23:49Z")
I can get the gay guy down the hall to sew them for me, so all you’d have to do is fund me for bolts of fabric. Actually, enough money so I could go out on a date with the geek of my dreams would be nice… Remember, folks, there are many homosexuals on the board that you can adopt! Call 1-800-GET-HOMO now! ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/75 "2002-09-02T04:20:18Z")
We’d love to adopt-a-Queer. How can I find out about care and feeding, and if I’m allergic? Will we turn bisexual? Will my marriage fall apart or be enhanced by this turn of events? Is there some sort of database where I can find this information? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/76 "2002-09-02T12:19:33Z")
Domesticating homosexuals is cruel. If you over domesticate them and try to mainstream them they turn into Christopher Lowell. Far better to allow them to range in their natural habitat. If they face extinction in their natural habitat, those homosexual refuges (I believe Fire Island is a Federal Refuge) are the only other acceptable option. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/77 "2002-09-02T12:56:23Z")
I dread the day when we will hear the following conversation: “Daddy, when you were a boy were there still homosexuals?” “Yes, son. But, tragically, no matter how many disco records we played into their tastefully-decorated zoo enclosures, we were never able to get them to reproduce in captivity. Now Broadway is like a ghost town and ballet nothing but a memory. The government should have funded their recruitment efforts before it was too late…” ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/78 "2002-09-02T13:05:43Z")
Taking a page from the REGAP folks (Retired Greyhounds as pets) a small community of right-minded people have begun REHAB (Retired homosexuals as buddies). Even as you read this, hundreds, perhaps thousands of healthy, happy homosexuals are being taken into loving homes, to live out their lives in comfort and freedom. Amazing what you can do if you put your heart into something. b. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/79 "2002-09-02T13:29:48Z")
> [@](#): > > “Daddy, when you were a boy were there still homosexuals?” > > “Yes, son. But, tragically, no matter how many disco records we played into their tastefully-decorated zoo enclosures, we were never able to get them to reproduce in captivity.” Oddly, it was only the homosexual females who would reproduce in captivity, and then only with donor sperm, a.k.a. cryogenic cum. And even then, the odds of producing a viable homosexual offspring were poor. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388/80 "2002-09-02T13:48:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dangerosa \* > \*\*Domesticating homosexuals is cruel. If you over domesticate them and try to mainstream them they turn into Christopher Lowell. > > \*\* It’s official. This is the single funniest thing I have ever read on these boards. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-see-how-many-wrong-and-insulting-assumptions-we-can-fit-into-just-four-words/126388.md?page=5)