# Let's spread scurrilous rumors about Barack Obama **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 19, 2008, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214 "2008-02-19T04:44:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/21 "2008-02-19T17:12:36Z")
As a registered Republican, if I may say so, I do my best to rebut that ridiculous \*Obama is a Muslim \* UL going around by providing the link to the appropriate [Snopes.com](http://Snopes.com) article. There’s even one that says “We checked this out on [snopes.com](http://snopes.com) and it’s true!” :smack: :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![fuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuffle)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/22 "2008-02-19T17:13:08Z")
He has three testicles and I have the pictures to prove it. He paid me $500,000 not to tell anyone. Oh. Whoops. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/23 "2008-02-19T17:32:54Z")
Why make up a scurrilous rumor when we have Photoshop? ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/24 "2008-02-19T20:47:40Z")
You ever seen “Head of State” with Chris Rock? Now do you still want a black man for president? ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/25 "2008-02-19T20:59:15Z")
[QUOTE=Manatee] He once gave me a blowjob and smoked crack with me. Oops, too late. [/QUOTE] Re that bj: Bragging or complaining? 😉 * * * Me! * * * Oh, yeah! And Barack _makes up rumors!_ 😃 ~ ~ ~ U Know Hu! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/26 "2008-02-19T21:02:17Z")
In another thread I mentioned that he is the result of a day in 1960 when [Calypso singer](http://images.google.com/images?q=louis+farrakhan+charmer&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-38,GGGL:en&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi) hired to sing at an [akward 13 year old’s birthday party](http://gopublius.com/wp-content/uploads/HR.jpg) and who left having made the girl far more self confident. Put into a basket he caught a tsunami and wound up in Hawaii, destined to one day meet his [birth](http://www.nndb.com/people/689/000023620/) [parents](http://www.nndb.com/people/022/000025944/). OR Same story, but the assignation was between a small town [Arkansas boy](http://powerpresentations.blogs.com/clinton-jfk.bmp) and the [sexy older woman](http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/adc/10099503A~Lena-Horne-Posters.jpg) he met on his first trip to NYC. Now his father must choose between the son he’s never met, and the wife he’s terrified of. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/27 "2008-02-19T21:13:55Z")
[QUOTE=omgzebras] Barack Obama won’t let anybody else be the race car in Monopoly. Not even if they had to be the thimble last time. [/QUOTE] I knew it was only a matter of time before someone played the race car. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/28 "2008-02-19T21:20:04Z")
Obama’s speeches and policies are all planned after he disappears into a room in his house with nothing but a pad, paper, and a [Mrs. Butterworth’s](http://ebayimages.goantiques.com/dbimages/LXL9080/LXL9080050.jpg) bottle he calls “Mama Zurundi”. Strangely, former aides have all stated that two voices come from the room, one of them Barack’s and the other one sounding very much like Kathleen Turner. Sometimes when he emerges, Mrs. Butterworth’s hands are in different positions than when he entered, and a former maid claims Mrs. Butterworth once told her to “feed me a cat”. Millions of Americans have reported having incredibly vivid dreams in which Obama bids them come and join him in “a new capitol city… Las Vegas”. Millions more claim to have similar dreams of Hillary Clinton shelling butterbeans on the porch of a shack somewhere in the midwest. Millions more claim to have dreams in which McCain comes into their house, starts watching _Golden Girls_ and _Charles in Charge_, then leaves abruptly claiming “I’m sorry, it’s my last day of finals and I just realized I’ve never been to class!” If elected Obama plans to make Voodoo the official state religion. Obama’s NYC neighbors mentioned that after he moved into their neighborhood, they never again saw a stray cat, pigeon, or homeless person on their street. They all express gratitude. Obama plans to devote $900 billion to funding a time machine that will end slavery once and for all. Obama plans to divorce his wife and marry Chelsea Clinton in order to unite the two families. He says their son will be “the one to whom all heads will bow” and that they’re thinking of naming him Bryan Sh’vawn or Poncho Pilates. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/29 "2008-02-19T21:22:55Z")
He’s secretly made a deal with space aliens to sell all of us to them once he becomes elected President. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/30 "2008-02-19T21:38:20Z")
On January 19 of last year Barack Obama gave speeches in Cincinnati, Tallahassee, and Colonial Williamsburg… _all at the same time_! He later claimed the trilocality phenomenon was due to frequent flier miles. After the speech nobody remembered what he said, but in all three cities arson and violent crime rose 4920% for the next three days. Barack Obama and [Brian Stokes Mitchell](http://images.google.com/images?q=brian+stokes+mitchell&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-38,GGGL:en&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi) frequently claim to be each other to pick up women. The original title of _Audacity of Hope_ was _Female Genital Mutilation: more than just pretty words_. Barack’s likeness has been found on stones in Chile (ca. 3000 BCE), in Egyptian tombs (ca. 2500 BCE), in a cave in Israel (ca. 12,000 BCE) and in the family reunion prints of Mrs. Erma Shum of Pasquale, Texas (ca. March 18, 2007). ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/31 "2008-02-19T22:06:20Z")
Barack Obama hangs underneath train tressels while trains go by just for kicks. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/32 "2008-02-19T22:10:11Z")
Ever wonder where all Jacko’s melanin went? ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/33 "2008-02-19T22:10:48Z")
Obama embeds and encodes much of his speeches and debates with the fibonacci sequence. What does it mean?! What’s it’s significance?! I DON’T KNOW! But _they_ do. No one’s ever seen Barack Obama and Lee Majors in the same room together. How convenient. How come it’s never occurred to anyone that Barack asks for his coffee “black”. Why’s it always gotta be about color? He has a tattoo on his ass of [Tattoo](http://tvphotogalleries.com/data/578/1fi15.jpg) which, upon inspection, in turn, has a tattoo on _his_ ass of [Che Guevara](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Che_Guevara). How much more of a smoking gun do you need that he was really into goofball 70s TV shows?! ---
**Author:** ![Barry\_From\_Eastenders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@Barry\_From\_Eastenders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barry_From_Eastenders)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/34 "2008-02-19T22:16:33Z")
He appears in movies under the name ManDingo. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/35 "2008-02-19T22:19:27Z")
… and Tattoo was a Marxist asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/36 "2008-02-19T22:59:05Z")
Barack Hussein Obama is an anagram of 1. U.S. Bareback Marina Ho’s and 1. U.S. Bareback Sharia, Mon! What more needs to be said of his hidden agendas, patriotism, religion, and sexual immorality? Now Hillary Rodham Clinton rearranges into Hilly Mint Orchard, Loan and Rhino Tail Collard Hymn So I put it to you, America. Would you rather live in a where hardworking people get loans to buy hilly mint orchards where they picnic on multicultural delicacies flavored by exotic sidemeat and sing wholesome hymns, or would you rather have a land where Fundamentalist Jamaican Muslims bareback American water sluts? I care not what others might say, but as for me, give me some mint for my rhino tail and collards while I sing a hymn about hilly orchards, or give me an assault rifle so I can get Nigel Muhammad, and Tiffany Lee to stop practicing unsafe sex on the yacht I bought with my loan from Hillary! I rest my case. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/37 "2008-02-19T23:04:28Z")
Would it be unwise for me to start reading something into the fact that you’ve found this thread so productive and stimulating for your imagination, **Sampiro**? I’m beginning to suspect you’re one of the Them that everyone actually quotes as their source for these sorts of stories… … why is someone knocking at my door? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/38 "2008-02-19T23:04:56Z")
PS- [Cite](http://wordsmith.org/anagram/). (I wasn’t asked, but I provide it because I care about my country.) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/39 "2008-02-19T23:06:00Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] … why is someone knocking at my door? [/QUOTE] It’s probably time for your afternoon water tryst with Trevor and Aziz. (I never knew until this moment that OtakuLoki was a marina ho all along.) ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/40 "2008-02-19T23:09:13Z")
He hates on Hillary during the day and makes it up to her multiple times every night. He’s a better shot with an “assault weapon” than I am, and his has a barrel shroud, pistol grip, and 30-round magazine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214.md?page=3)