# Let's spread scurrilous rumors about Barack Obama **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 19, 2008, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214 "2008-02-19T04:44:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RachelChristine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7ab992/32.png) [@RachelChristine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RachelChristine)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/41 "2008-02-19T23:50:12Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] As a registered Republican, if I may say so, I do my best to rebut that ridiculous \*Obama is a Muslim \* UL going around by providing the link to the appropriate [Snopes.com](http://Snopes.com) article. There’s even one that says “We checked this out on [snopes.com](http://snopes.com) and it’s true!” :smack: :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] I do the same thing! I mean vote for the guy or don’t vote for the guy, but do it based on what he stands for. I’ve even made a few of my friends mad, by replying with the snopes link and asking them not to send stuff like that. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2008, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/42 "2008-02-19T23:51:20Z")
He was conceived in one of those residential buildings on miltary bases, hence his given name. His secret service code name is Dumbo. GOBAMA! ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/43 "2008-02-20T01:23:34Z")
Ever since he was a small child, Barack Obama (born DeShawn Washington) has been fascinated by the insurgente black power group, the Black Panthers. At the age of 8, he approached the Black Panther leadership promising to do anything and everything to further their cause. He was devastated when they replied that not only was he not old enough but he was not black enough either. His leadership savvy led him to form a counter group group to the Black Panthers to meet the needs of enthusiastic youth like himself. He dubbed it the Calico Kittens and his young terror group engaged in campaigns like flooding letters to the editor of major newspapers and infiltrating large, mainly white, organizations like the Cub Scouts. The Calico Kittens is still very active but also extremely stealthy. If you look all across America, you can find fractionally black kids infiltrating a number of white school groups, churches, and civic organizations. The apocalyptic end goal of their founder is almost in reach. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/44 "2008-02-20T01:59:02Z")
He was the vote-stuffer that cost Benjamin Adamowski the office of Mayor of Chicago in 1963. He beat Harold Washington to death with a ball-peen hammer. He voted for Roman Pucinski and Edward Hanrahan in 1972, just to spite the rest of the Chicago African-American community. He is the one that is burning our dog, impressed by 1920s-style death rays, and who likes a certain 1980s pop song by a certain 1980s pop band. Every time the board is slow, it is because he ate some of the hamsters. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/45 "2008-02-20T02:19:36Z")
Barack Obama is going to raise sales taxes to infinity, then make all goods free. Barack Obama makes my pregnant sister mow his lawn. She doesn’t say how he can get away with this; all I know is that hearing the words “black snake” makes her moan. Barack Obama is actually former president Jacques Chirac of France, wearing a particularly well-fashioned disguise. Barack Obama has seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments lost in time, like tears in the rain. Time to vote. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/46 "2008-02-20T02:21:37Z")
Incidently, **Argent Tower** ’s post made me laugh out loud. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/47 "2008-02-20T08:28:02Z")
Barack Obama, once rode a llama out from the Kalama Zoo. Barack Obama, wears peacock pyjamas and fennel in one of his shoes. Barack Obama, cannot draw a comma parenthesis, colon or Q. And Barack Obama can’t find the Bahamas on a map of Caribbean blue. Can Barack Obama appreciate drama? Not one bit, I know to be true. So I shall not vote for Barack Obama and furthermore neither should you. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/48 "2008-02-20T09:16:55Z")
[QUOTE=Sublight] Barack Obama, once rode a llama out from the Kalama Zoo. Barack Obama, wears peacock pyjamas and fennel in one of his shoes. Barack Obama, cannot draw a comma parenthesis, colon or Q. And Barack Obama can’t find the Bahamas on a map of Caribbean blue. Can Barack Obama appreciate drama? Not one bit, I know to be true. So I shall not vote for Barack Obama and furthermore neither should you. [/QUOTE] But he did once hear a ho. And killed her. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/49 "2008-02-20T15:51:56Z")
Barack Obama approved every message in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/50 "2008-02-20T16:20:32Z")
Barack Obama is the only man who can beat Chuck Norris. He also knows the third word ending in **gry**. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/51 "2008-02-20T17:14:31Z")
Barack is responsible for all the cancer inthe world…all of it!! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/52 "2008-02-20T17:19:14Z")
[QUOTE=El\_Kabong] Incidently, **Argent Tower** ’s post made me laugh out loud. [/QUOTE] Only that one? Must be in a bad mood. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/53 "2008-02-20T17:23:53Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] As a registered Republican, if I may say so, I do my best to rebut that ridiculous \*Obama is a Muslim \* UL going around by providing the link to the appropriate [Snopes.com](http://Snopes.com) article. [/QUOTE] Thank you. After all, the inside-the-Beltway crowd is abuzz with the alleged fact that he’s a Scientologist. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/54 "2008-02-20T17:35:35Z")
Barack Obama is made entirely of anti-matter. If anyone --ANYONE-- were to touch him, they’d both annihilate. Is this the kind of candidate you want kissing babies? He has electromagnetic, anti-gravity in-soles, that allow him to float above the ground. Creepy. He took an experimental injection of nanobotic viruses. Now, if angered or agitated, his eyes get misty. Like, _really_ misty. He has an unnaturally high midiclorian count. Yup, _Sith._ He has Reverse Dyslexia Syndrome. Which really only comes in handy only when being approached from the front end by an ambulance. If you were to compare his weight to his density, there’d be a discrepancy of 89 grams… and counting. Why is this? What accounts for this missing matter?! I’ll tell you what: he harbors a microscopic black hole inside of his left clavicle. He’s a cilantro soap-taster. Take THAT latinos! He tried marijuana and _didn’t_ enjoy it. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/55 "2008-02-20T17:52:49Z")
He is the subject of both “You’re So Vain” and “You Oughta Know”. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/56 "2008-02-20T17:54:10Z")
(this is too fun) He wrote a book entitled “How To Read”. I mean c’mon! That’s so mean. If you were to take a vivisection of any part of his body and examine it under a microscope, you wouldn’t find normal, mammalian cells. What you would find is tiny, little, Obamas, holding hands with one another as they writhe in pain from being cut off from the master hive. I found this [wind-up key](http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/2901148/2/istockphoto_2901148_wind_up_key.jpg) online. Kinda looks like it’d fit perfectly in one of his nostrils, doesn’t it?! Coincidence? Look at him. I mean take a good look. A really long look. Get up _real_ close and look right in his eyes. As long as you can. Just keep staring into them. Don’t avert your attention. Long and intensely. Unblinking. If he tries to move, or feign nervous laughter, keep positioning yourself as to not break the gaze. Do this at one of his rallies, and see what kind of negative attention it draws from his secret army of fascist nazis! (Secret Service = SS). ---
**Author:** ![Aioua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@Aioua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aioua)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/57 "2008-02-20T18:08:59Z")
Barack Obama is the world’s first _mostly_ human clone. On a completly unrelated note, Barack Obama is not his birth name. He was born Hans Sheepman, and changed his name after secretly moving from Austria to the United States and setting up the whole “Hawaii” nonsense. Ppsh, “Hawaii”! Like _that’s_ even a real place. ---
**Author:** ![Barry\_From\_Eastenders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@Barry\_From\_Eastenders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barry_From_Eastenders)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/58 "2008-02-20T21:03:25Z")
Barack Obama is actually the guy from the JOE BOXER commercial. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/ZLHDnCERtsk/hqdefault.jpg "Ad for JOE BOXER, "Vaughn"") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLHDnCERtsk) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/59 "2008-02-20T21:33:26Z")
Barack plans to appoint Kevin Federline as head of the CIA as an apology for their mind control experiments on Britney. Barack has promised to end torture at Gitmo and other bases but only because he plans to bring it to the White House and perform it himself on live TV. (Many predict the highest ratings of any show since the Beverly Hillbillies.) He has invited MTV to produce the 2009 season of _The Real World_ from The White House, and the jobs the kids will have this time will be cabinet positions. Do you really want to see your Sec. of Agriculture and your Sec. of Education screaming at each other over who drank the last drop of milk from the fridge and then tearfully confessing to wanting to do each other if only each weren’t the opposite orientation from the other? ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/60 "2008-02-20T21:42:16Z")
He’s a witch! He turned me into a newt! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214.md?page=4)