# Let's spread scurrilous rumors about Barack Obama **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 19, 2008, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214 "2008-02-19T04:44:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/61 "2008-02-20T21:49:10Z")
**Obama seeks to replace America’s soldiers with orators!** ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/62 "2008-02-20T22:12:27Z")
Bitch stole my purse _and_ my man. (link: [Bitch I Stole Yo Purse - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=456415)) ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/63 "2008-02-20T22:20:09Z")
On February 14, 2007, three hundred seventy-one women and three men experienced spontaneous orgasms while watching Barack Obama speak in public. Five of the women claimed to have become pregnant in the experience. They were shown to be mistaken. Researchers, watching the video later, experienced five more orgasms. Obama can squeeze a diamond in his hand to make a lump of coal. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2008, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/64 "2008-02-20T23:24:42Z")
Barack Obama was the last person seen with Natalie Holloway, Anna Nicole Smith, Nicole Simpson, and Bonnie Bakley Blake. The first call made by Heath Ledger’s masseuse was to Mary Kate Olsen. The second was to Barack Obama. Her message, captured on tape, was simply “It is done, Great One- the remaining 72 points on the SDMB Celebrity Death Poll are thine, but beware the Super Dopers who may redistribute them.” Barack Obama was briefly on his school’s jai alai team with a non regulation equipment- the [year book pic](http://members.aol.com/eawmovies/eawmovies/images/sw1-DarthMaul.jpg). Barack Obama took a tour of the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam and repeatedly said “How could it take those nincompoops so damned long to _find_ her! I mean it’s a 4 story ‘attic’ in the middle of town, did they think it was a phone booth! It’s been 60 years and I can still smell the Jew from three blocks down teh street!” Barack Obama played Helen Keller in his madrassah’s production of _The Miracle Worker_. Instead of “Wah-wah” his line at the end of the play was “Bring me the Chosen One… I _WILL_ KILL HIM!” Barack Obama begins every day by doing calisthenics and watching the 1980 Kristy McNichol/Tatum O’Neal movie [Little Darlings](http://imdb.com/title/tt0081060/). Barack and Michelle Obama go by another name: TomnDebb. ETA: This should really have its own web page ala [Chuck Norris Facts](http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/). I’d love Obama to rank them. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/65 "2008-02-21T00:42:19Z")
Barack Obama is a Scientologist. He likes wearing his wife’s panties-but only because he likes the way they feel. He is really a Sith Lord, and plans to overthrow the Senate and declare himself Emperor. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/66 "2008-02-21T01:36:42Z")
Barack Obama will use his interpretation of Lewis Carroll’s _Jabberwocky_ to conduct foreign policy. Every time Obama wins a primary or caucus, an angel gets his wings – then Obama rips them off. Nobody ever whispers, talks on a cellphone or texts in a movie theaters where Barack in is attendance. In _Stand By Your Man_, Tammy Wynette was talking about B.O., she just didn’t know it. Obama invented Snausages, the Ipod and Kinoki Pads. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/67 "2008-02-21T01:40:59Z")
It will shock you to learn that Barack Obama _matriculated_ when he was in college. Oh, the shame! ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/68 "2008-02-21T01:45:28Z")
[QUOTE=Chefguy] It will shock you to learn that Barack Obama _matriculated_ when he was in college. Oh, the shame! [/QUOTE] As long as none of this sisters are thespians, it’s fine by me. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/69 "2008-02-21T01:59:20Z")
Since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, he was just flattering all those guys who made previous speeches using the same words. He’s not a plagiarist; he’s an _impressionist_. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/70 "2008-02-21T15:16:24Z")
[QUOTE=Governor Quinn] As long as none of this sisters are thespians, it’s fine by me. [/QUOTE] “I have nothing against thespians, but would you want your _sister_ to marry one?” (Original True Blue Jack humor from the '70’s.) Or, worse, your _brother_?! * * * Me again! ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/71 "2008-02-21T15:33:28Z")
He has a prehensile tail, which he once used to bitch-slap Senator Trent Lott After falling one too many times for the old “Did you know ‘gullible’ isn’t in the dictionary” gag, he successfully lobbied Merriam-Webster to actually remove the word. He has an irrational fear of Twnikies. He laughs raucously at inappropriate moments when watching ‘Brian’s Song.’ He secretly digs it when Rush calls him ‘Halfrican-American.’ ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_of\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sock\_of\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_of_Doom)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/72 "2008-02-21T16:16:04Z")
I have it on good authority that Barack Obama is a card-carying KKK member. Rumor has it he was even considered for a leadership position in his local group, but was found to be “too radical.” ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/73 "2008-02-21T16:59:21Z")
He consumes his weight in insects each day. He shot a man in Reno, but did not even stick around to watch him die. For MTV’s “Punked–DC Special,” he convinced Sen. George Allen that ‘maccaca’ is the new cool word for ‘guy with a video camera.’ ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/74 "2008-02-21T17:41:03Z")
Obama reads _War and Peace_ once a week. Mark Felt lied-Obama was Deep Throat. He was on the grassy knoll. He plans to change the national anthem to Neil Diamond’s “America” He and Bill Clinton are secret lovers. Every Friday night, they have orgies with Huckabee and Sean Hannity. He voted for Kodos. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/75 "2008-02-21T17:51:32Z")
He takes bubble baths while listening to Kenny G and sipping Fresca! Obama doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, nor between they’re, there, and their! As a young lad, he was known to run with scissors! but … worst of all … Obama has engaged in … no, no it’s too unspeakable. Just watch out for those hairy palms! ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/76 "2008-02-21T18:06:28Z")
He openly consumes dihydrogen monoxide. He doesn’t even care who sees him do it. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/77 "2008-02-22T00:28:24Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] Barack Obama will use his interpretation of Lewis Carroll’s _Jabberwocky_ to conduct foreign policy. Every time Obama wins a primary or caucus, an angel gets his wings – then Obama rips them off. Nobody ever whispers, talks on a cellphone or texts in a movie theaters where Barack in is attendance. In _Stand By Your Man_, Tammy Wynette was talking about B.O., she just didn’t know it. Obama invented Snausages, the Ipod and Kinoki Pads. [/QUOTE] Heck with “I Like Ike” “I Go for B.O.” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/78 "2008-02-22T01:29:08Z")
Barack Obama bathes in the blood of Serbian virgins to keep his skin soft. When that’s not available he switches to Neutrogena. Barack Obama is a Civil War reenactor; his character is Belle Boyd. Barack Obama saves his urine in twice rinsed Ragu spaghetti sauce jars. Barack Obama voted 902,403 times for Sanjaya, always using senate phones paid for by your tax dollars. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/79 "2008-02-22T01:59:02Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Barack Obama saves his urine in twice rinsed Ragu spaghetti sauce jars. [/QUOTE] You forgot to mention that it was actually his urine used for [Piss Christ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piss_Christ), not Andres Serrano’s. No matter what the press reported at the time. mutter mutter darned long tour of the marina with Trevor and Aziz… ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214/80 "2008-02-22T16:07:24Z")
Obama attended a Celine Dion concert, sat in the front row, tapped his toe and sang along with every song. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-spread-scurrilous-rumors-about-barack-obama/438214.md?page=5)