# Let's talk about cat puke . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 19, 2001, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611 "2001-03-19T19:01:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Ultimate\_Scapegoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_Ultimate\_Scapegoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ultimate_Scapegoat)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/1 "2001-03-19T19:01:42Z")
Well, it’s that time of year again . . .cats start shedding their fur, grooming themselves with their tongues, then puking their hair encrusted guts up all over the living room floor. My wife and I have 3 cats. Cat #1 is pretty cool about it . . . he at least tries to toss his cookines in the basement. But so far Cats #2 and 3 have had one incident each on the carpet, and it is really disgusting to clean up. Is there any way to get a cat to expel their Kit and Kaboodles elsewhere? ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/2 "2001-03-19T19:13:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Ultimate Scapegoat \* > \*\*But so far Cats #2 and 3 have had one incident each on the carpet, and it is really disgusting to clean up. Is there any way to get a cat to expel their Kit and Kaboodles elsewhere? \*\* I have this stuff called “Boundary” that I got at the pet store. A similar product is sold under the name “No!” It’s some sort of cat repellant that will keep your pets off furniture, carpet, etc. I’ve never had a problem with it staining my furniture. I bet that would work to keep the cat puke somewhere that it’s easier to clean up. -L ---
**Author:** ![dublos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f08c70/32.png) [@dublos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dublos)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/3 "2001-03-19T19:47:54Z")
as **SexyWriter** pointed out, there are methods you can use to prevent cats from going to certain places, thus providing some assurance that your cat’s won’t caught up a hairball there. This is good if you don’t want the cats venturing there the rest of the time. My best solution for this problem is to brush your cat thoroughly whenever they are blowing coat. For me, when my furry kids are going through a spring coat change, I wash them. A good thorough wash and comb/blow dry and most of the fur that’s lose at the moment comes off and they produce fewer hairballs for a couple weeks. One should, of course, be very careful washing their cat. Mine used to be show cats, so they are used to it. They just stand there in the tub making long suffering meowing noises and starting at me with accusing eyes while I suds them up and rinse them down. -Doug ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/4 "2001-03-19T19:51:15Z")
My mother had two cats, so I’ve seen and dealt with the damange you’re discussing, **Scapegoat**. I recommend laying out a 2’x2’ square of paper towels with 3-4 layers. While you’re doing this, shoo the cats away any time they come close or show interest. Call family over to look at the paper towels. Say “ooh” and “aaah” a lot. Before going to bed or leaving the house for any period of time. gesture toward the paper towels and say something like, “I reallyreally like this new carpet. Even though it was soooo expensive, I think it was a worthwhile investment.” My mother did all of the above…except, instead of papertowels, she recently installed turquoise plush carpeting. I think the steps taken above indicated to the cats that the new carpet was the appropriate spot for them to hack up. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/5 "2001-03-19T19:59:01Z")
Brush brush brush. And comb those kitties. Trust me, it makes all the difference. For some reason, though, we don’t brush them as much…and they don’t have any hairballs…I don’t get it-one is even an angora cat, and she never has had a hairball that I know of. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/6 "2001-03-19T20:25:01Z")
Lots of good advice here, especially about the brushing. Thankfully, our three love to be brushed; otherwise, we’d have hair everywhere. I’ll also add that there are various hairball remedies available–we’ve had great luck with something called Kittymalt (malt-flavored petroleum jelly, I think). A little drop of that every couple of days, and instead of barfing up hairballs, the cats expel hair the other way. And I see that Pounce treats are now available in an anti-hairball formula. We haven’t tried them yet, but they seem to be the above malty goop injected into the middle of a Pounce treat. Since ours all come running if they hear anything like the Pounce can being shaken, this would be a much better way of getting them to eat the malty goop. Anybody tried these? How well do they work? ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/7 "2001-03-19T22:23:35Z")
I’ve never tried the Pounce thingies, but Science Diet Anti-Hairball Cat Food seemed to do the trick. As does giving the cat two different kinds of antacids twice a day, along with some valium and blood pressure medicine. But you gotta have a cat whose kidneys have ceased to function to get the vet to give ya the REALLY good drugs. Pros: No more hairballs Cons: Twice a day, I have to hunt the bugger down, hold him firmly to the floor, and insert a pill. When pill is down, insert liquid antacid. Every few months bring to vet and pay exorbitant fees for blood work. Y’know, you’re right! It’s EASY compared to cleaning up cat puke! ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/8 "2001-03-19T22:38:50Z")
Yes, I tried the Pounce thingies, and they seemed to work pretty good, about as good as the Kittymalt. It made the hairballs less frequent, but didn’t eliminate the problem completely. For the # of servings of Pounce, though, I think you are paying a lot more than for the Kittymalt. I was suprised how quickly we went through the Pounce, and it was more expensive. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/9 "2001-03-19T22:44:44Z")
…OT but worth reading just the same. I got the bit below in an e-mail a long time ago. I’d like to give credit to the writer of this but I have no idea who he or she is (it wasn’t theperson who e-mailed me). Anyway…it’s funny and worth a quick read. > [@](#): > > **Cat Bathing as a Martial Art** > > Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away. > > I’ve spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I’ve been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace. > > The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: > > This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez." > > When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub: > > Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don’t try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions. > > Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket. > > Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water. > > Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney. > > Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. > > Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He’ll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don’t expect too much.) > > Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That’s because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. > > In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. > > You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn’t usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. > > But at least now he smells a lot better. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/10 "2001-03-19T23:21:48Z")
Years ago, I heard my cat making retching sounds, and made the mistake of picking her up to take her downstairs and outside. I’d barely made it to the top of the stairs when I copped it all over my right arm. The trip down the stairs seemed like an eternity. The puke was getting colder and heavier, and colder… and… heavier… EWWWWW! Total recall! One good thing about this cat was that if she ever was accidently locked in the house, she’d go and crap over the small drain in the shower. We didn’t train her to do this, but I think she was attracted to the earthy smell. Now, cat puke may not be Chanel No.5, but cat poo has to be the most foul-smelling substance known to man. That stuff sure is high. I’ve heard of cats straddling the toilet seat. Dunno if this was a result of training or not. ---
**Author:** ![dragonlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/11 "2001-03-20T03:07:28Z")
Regarding Kittymalt and others: A small dab of vaseline on the nose or paw will work as well. Cats can’t stand the glob of stuff and will lick it off, thus lubeing the way for the hairballs to go down instead of up. But brushing to remove the loose hair is probably best. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-cat-puke/58611/12 "2001-03-20T05:11:48Z")
> [@](#): > > A small dab of vaseline on the nose or paw will work as well. Cats can’t stand the glob of stuff and will lick it off, thus lubeing the way for the hairballs to go down instead of up. They make stuff for this. I can’t remember what it is called but it is basically Cod Liver Oil. My cats both love the stuff. I swear the more foul something smells the more interested our cats will be with it. Anyway, a gob on a plate disappears in short order and helps to grease the pipes.