# Let's talk about unintelligently written intelligent characters! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 8, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773 "2008-01-08T21:20:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/21 "2008-01-09T00:57:28Z")
_Fare._ The human race may not _fare_ well if the insects get too big for their britches. (Remember the word _farewell_.) Because some woman told me it was good, I wasted a couple of hours of my life on a piece-of-shit book called _The Bridges of Madison County_. Several times in the book we’re told that the main male character is brilliant. Unfortunately, he never says anything more intelligent, insightful or profound than you’d get from a half-bright, half-drunk college sophomore. Bit of a letdown. ETA: Inadvertently posted twice when I only meant to edit; I think this happened because it took more than five minutes for the original version of my post to appear. So I’m pissed-off and apologetic at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/22 "2008-01-09T01:11:16Z")
[QUOTE=astorian] Is Dan Brown just too dumb to know that there’s an entire academic field called SEMIOTICS??? Or does he think Milton Friedman was a professor of Moneyism, that Carl Sagan was a professor of Outer Spaceology, and Stephen Ambrose was a professor of Stuff That Happened a Long Time Ago? [/QUOTE] I particularly liked Sophie Noveau, the French Police expert on codes or some such. Without her, how on Earth would they have figured out that one particular coded message was in fact…written backwards? I remember when that first blew my mind…when I got that decoder ring from my box of Boo Berries. Then there was that other pile of shit from Dan Brown where the brilliant programmer’s password was “three” and nobody could figure out that the mysterious emails coming from “N DAKOTA” were in fact an anagram of the programmer’s name. (Tankoda or something) ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/23 "2008-01-09T01:20:45Z")
My magic eight-ball of Bad Astronomy saaaaays… [The Core](http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/movies/thecore_review.html). ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/24 "2008-01-09T01:23:05Z")
Dr Mohinder Suresh in _Heroes_ is a brilliant geneticist and a fuckin’ idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Glassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ea666f/32.png) [@Glassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glassy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/25 "2008-01-09T01:42:36Z")
I read a novel once in which the heroine, who was portrayed as an amazing math genius, explained to a group of friends the odds of dice. Nothing complicated: like, your odds of rolling a seven on two dice are better than your odds of rolling a twelve, and here’s why. The other characters just boggled at her: Amazing! You are truly brilliant! Golly! It was sort of funny. Not as funny as the Ph.D. in Advanced Science, though. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/26 "2008-01-09T01:57:59Z")
Oh, how could I forget… Thomas Harris is just FAR too dumb to write an alleged genius like Hannibal Lecter convincingly. The way Harris writes him, Lecter seems like a pompous twit more than first class mind. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/27 "2008-01-09T01:59:41Z")
[QUOTE=Morbo] Then there was that other pile of shit from Dan Brown where the brilliant programmer’s password was “three” and nobody could figure out that the mysterious emails coming from “N DAKOTA” were in fact an anagram of the programmer’s name. (Tankoda or something) [/QUOTE] I believe that was from Digital Fortress. The brilliant protagonist and his brilliant, plucky ladyfriend were also two of the worst linguists ever. He couldn’t figure out that the Spanish prostitute called “Dewdrop” might be named Rocío (Spanish for ‘dew’), and she couldn’t figure out that “My love for you is without wax” meant “My love for you is sincere.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/28 "2008-01-09T02:01:08Z")
[QUOTE=Omi no Kami] My magic eight-ball of Bad Astronomy saaaaays… [The Core](http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/movies/thecore_review.html). [/QUOTE] It did bug the heck outta me that the Delroy Lindo character was toiling in obscurity out in the desert somewhere, tinkering around with his land-submarine, when he’d already invented: [ul][li]A metal that actually got stronger when heated, and[/li][li]A laser that could carve insta-tunnels through anything but the above-mentioned metal.[/ul][/li] Dude, what the hell? _Either_ of those would get you a Nobel and about a billion dollars. Why are you scrabbling in poverty? I dunno how intelligent they were, but the schmucks who abandoned the safety and resources of a barricaded shopping mall in _Dawn of the Dead_ (2004) deserved to be zombie-food. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/29 "2008-01-09T02:10:12Z")
In the movie _The Changeling_, George C. Scott and gets expert ghostie-ghoulie advice under the doorway of the University of Washington’s \*\*Department of Parapsychology \*\*. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/30 "2008-01-09T02:21:54Z")
Big one: Spock’s behaviour in _Whom Gods Destroy_. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/31 "2008-01-09T02:22:56Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] Dude, what the hell? _Either_ of those would get you a Nobel and about a billion dollars. Why are you scrabbling in poverty? [/QUOTE] Racism, man. Plain and simple. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ad7895/32.png) [@Just\_Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/32 "2008-01-09T02:33:41Z")
[QUOTE=Loach] Dr Mohinder Suresh in _Heroes_ is a brilliant geneticist and a fuckin’ idiot. [/QUOTE] The funny thing is that he’s only a plot idiot; he’s stupid when the plot requires him to be so. It might have worked (or at least been more amusing) if he had been a brilliant geneticist who was an idiot about everything else. ---
**Author:** ![Sockmunkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Sockmunkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sockmunkey)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/33 "2008-01-09T03:12:09Z")
Remember that crapfest of a movie “I Robot”? That version of Susan Calvin acted like she first met another human last week. Asimov’s original version was snarky and condescending but knew damn well what made most people tick. ---
**Author:** ![threnodyangelfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@threnodyangelfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threnodyangelfire)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/34 "2008-01-09T03:29:16Z")
[QUOTE=Terminus Est] **Denise Richards** in _The World Is Not Enough_ was unconvincing as a nuclear physicist. Similarly with **Elisabeth Shue** in _The Saint_. [/QUOTE] And **Tara Reid** as a Museum Curator in that horrible movie… Alone in the Dark. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/35 "2008-01-09T04:15:32Z")
[QUOTE=DiggitCamara] Wasn’t he the same scientist who, because he saw some worms grow twice their normal size over the period of about 10 to 15 years, concluded that some native reptile could grow I-don’t-know how many orders of magnitude until it matched Godzilla’s size? In a period of about a year or so? [/QUOTE] That wasn’t the worst part. He was the scientist who could tell a giant lizard was pregnant by testing its blood with a home pregnancy test. For humans. Which takes urine, not blood. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/36 "2008-01-09T05:35:57Z")
[QUOTE=koeeoaddi] In the movie _The Changeling_, George C. Scott and gets expert ghostie-ghoulie advice under the doorway of the University of Washington’s \*\*Department of Parapsychology \*\*. [/QUOTE] There was one in Rose Red too. But if you look on Google it seems there are actually such departments at various universities (University of Edinburgh has one, Andhra University and Bonn University want them), though perhaps not Washington. I nominate the genius hacker in **Jurassic Park** who failed to think things through to such a degree that he ended up being eaten. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/37 "2008-01-09T06:38:03Z")
[QUOTE=RealityChuck] That wasn’t the worst part. He was the scientist who could tell a giant lizard was pregnant by testing its blood with a home pregnancy test. For humans. Which takes urine, not blood. [/QUOTE] That’s what makes him a great scientist. Could _you_ do that? I think not. ---
**Author:** ![puppygod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@puppygod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puppygod)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/38 "2008-01-09T09:13:38Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] There was one in Rose Red too. But if you look on Google it seems there are actually such departments at various universities (University of Edinburgh has one, Andhra University and Bonn University want them), though perhaps not Washington. I nominate the genius hacker in **Jurassic Park** who failed to think things through to such a degree that he ended up being eaten. [/QUOTE] Actually he was just lousy driver. If he made it to the boat as planned he would be 1.500.000 $ richer. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/39 "2008-01-09T10:52:21Z")
[QUOTE=Morbo] Then there was that other pile of shit from Dan Brown where the brilliant programmer’s password was “three” and nobody could figure out that the mysterious emails coming from “N DAKOTA” were in fact an anagram of the programmer’s name. (Tankoda or something) [/QUOTE] It was Digital Fortress, and it wasn’t just that “nobody” could get it. He was a crack cryptologist for the NSA! I kept waiting for the big reveal to be “he knew it all along and was in league with him,” or “he couldn’t figure out who would impersonate Tankoda like that,” because I thought it was pretty obvious that he would have figured that out right away. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2008, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773/40 "2008-01-09T11:07:11Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] Big one: Spock’s behaviour in _Whom Gods Destroy_. [/QUOTE] Yes, Nimoy was majorly pissed at that. Another ep, which I’ve ragged on before, is _The Paradise Syndrome_, in which Spock pig-headedly burns out the Enterprise’s star drive trying to blow up an asteroid which will not hit anything important for months, when I, with a much lower IQ than a Vulcan walking computer, can think of six different Plan Bs, all of which should have been tried first. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-talk-about-unintelligently-written-intelligent-characters/432773.md?page=3)