Let's tell a story four words at a time

sex between consenting muskrats

offended the delicate sensibilities

of Polly Doolittle and

the other Sisters of

Perpetual Sadism, whose motto

was: "If it hurts

bite your tongue. If

it feels good, flog

away, ladies, flog away!"

The Mozambique president dutifully

assumed the default position,

an appalling sight but

much easier for the

viewing audience to enjoy.

After he was poked

in the eye with

Madonna’s severed index finger

the onlooking crowd said, "

Crucify him on a

Tuesday in August." Sadly