# Let's Trade Blows!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 4, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101 "2005-12-04T23:01:51Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/41 "2005-12-05T18:49:46Z")

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_perches on one of the rafters River Tam-style and watches, giggling_

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**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/42 "2005-12-05T18:52:19Z")

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\*Wakes from sudden unconsciousness (i.e. had to go out)

Oi, Malacandra, you’re standing in my beer! _KA-POW_

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**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/43 "2005-12-05T18:55:54Z")

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> [@Kythereia](#):
>
> _perches on one of the rafters River Tam-style and watches, giggling_

Oh no you don’t, missy! This be a unisex fight, y’know! _Chucks chair leg at **Kythereia** _  
Wait a minute. I saw that film. She kicked butt…pssst, no-one say “Miranda”.

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**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/44 "2005-12-05T19:00:38Z")

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Enraged, I cry, “That’s **IT** - cartoon sound effects for the lot of ya!”

Attempts a “ka-pow” but it comes out as a “Wuh-Pah!”

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**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/45 "2005-12-05T19:00:48Z")

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_Leaps over the bar and smashes the end off of a wine bottle… Brandishes it menacingly_

Come and 'ave a go if you think you’re 'ard enough!

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**Author:** ![dandrews02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecccb3/32.png) [@dandrews02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dandrews02)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/46 "2005-12-05T19:07:58Z")

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John,  
Here in the commonwealth of virginia, fellatio is illegal - even between a married couple. And to purchase such experiences, well, lets just say you could end up performing them yourself at one of our correctional facilities.

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**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/47 "2005-12-05T19:23:38Z")

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> [@Revenant Threshold](#):
>
> Wait a minute. I saw that film. She kicked butt…pssst, no-one say “Miranda”.

_ducks_

(Ah, but you just said it ;))

_goes into full crazed fighting-mode_

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**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/48 "2005-12-05T20:31:04Z")

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> [@Sierra Indigo](#):
>
> _Leaps over the bar and smashes the end off of a wine bottle… Brandishes it menacingly_
> 
> Come and 'ave a go if you think you’re 'ard enough!

Them’s fightin’ words! Seizes the unconscious **Malacandra** , still wearing his spittoon, and uses him as a battering ram to smash the bar out from under **Sierra Indigo** , who tumbles to the floor in an undignified heap. Pauses to grab a fifth of Wild Turkey and change the song on the jukebox to _Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting_. Waits hopefully to see a girl fight.

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**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/49 "2005-12-05T20:51:52Z")

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You aren’t getting away that easily!

(Tips jukebox on **Case Sensative** , than positions himself in a corner facing everyone else.)

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**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/50 "2005-12-05T21:28:44Z")

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> [@Governor Quinn](#):
>
> You aren’t getting away that easily!
> 
> (Tips jukebox on **Case Sensative** , than positions himself in a corner facing everyone else.)

…You TURNED OFF Elton John? Oh, **NOW** it’s on. _grabs board with a nail in it, advances on **Quinn** _

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**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/51 "2005-12-05T21:44:06Z")

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> [@Case Sensitive](#):
>
> Them’s fightin’ words! Seizes the unconscious **Malacandra** , still wearing his spittoon, and uses him as a battering ram to smash the bar out from under **Sierra Indigo** , who tumbles to the floor in an undignified heap. Pauses to grab a fifth of Wild Turkey and change the song on the jukebox to _Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting_. Waits hopefully to see a girl fight.

_crashes to the floor with a resounding **OOOF**. After being momentarily winded for a moment, struggles to her feet and comes up swinging. Not realising her assailant has retreated with bourbon in hand, launches herself at the first person she sees - **Revenant Threshold** _

RAAAAAAR! Smashy time!

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**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/52 "2005-12-05T22:34:57Z")

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> [@Revenant Threshold](#):
>
> …You TURNED OFF Elton John? Oh, **NOW** it’s on. _grabs board with a nail in it, advances on **Quinn** _

(Takes advantage of **Revanant Threshold** and **Sierra Indigo** ’s distraction, sidesteps, picks up **Case Sensative** ’s pool cue)

You can’t win! You just can’t win!

(Again winds up in corner with back to wall)

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/53 "2005-12-05T23:03:29Z")

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> [@Sierra Indigo](#):
>
> _crashes to the floor with a resounding **OOOF**. After being momentarily winded for a moment, struggles to her feet and comes up swinging. Not realising her assailant has retreated with bourbon in hand, launches herself at the first person she sees - **Revenant Threshold** _
> 
> RAAAAAAR! Smashy time!

Can I fight a woman?..  
Hell yes! _Charges with nail-boardy-thing raised_

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**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/54 "2005-12-05T23:31:53Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> **Malacandra** wrote:  
> Roar this one off then!

\<recovers from her headbanging\>

Pardon me, **lightingtool**.

\<Gives a Xena-like war cry, then grabs her Folding Chair of Swollen Pain and nails **Malacandra** in his manly jewels. Then pulls the jukebox off **Case Sensitive** , only to nail him in his wedding tackle as well, and pushes the jukebox back on top of him\>

\<tags **Maastricht** and goes to a corner\>

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**Author:** ![sagitta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@sagitta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sagitta)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/55 "2005-12-05T23:36:47Z")

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Quick, bless the sinks!

\<dunks **KCSuze** , **Revenant** and **Case Sensitive** \>

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**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/56 "2005-12-05T23:40:16Z")

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No rest for the wicked, I suppose…

\<bashes **sagitta** with the FCoSP until there’s a **sagitta** -shaped indentation in it\>

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**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/57 "2005-12-05T23:45:10Z")

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Wanders in, looks around…

Leaves.

Returns with two pairs of brass knuckles, a six-pack of whupass and bubble gum.

I’m all out of bubble gum.

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**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/58 "2005-12-05T23:49:49Z")

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Here now, we’re all friends here. C’mon, give us a kiss –

**Massive** headbutt.

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**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/59 "2005-12-05T23:50:23Z")

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\<Runs back in through the saloon doors and hurls a pie\>

_Get it? When come back…Well, it seemed funny at the time_

\<Grabs Askias brass knuckled fists and begins pummeling him with them\>

That’s for not bringing any bubble gum _and_ for not posting the continuation!

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**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\
**Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/60 "2005-12-05T23:59:23Z")

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> [@Harborwolf](#):
>
> That’s for not bringing any bubble gum _and_ for not posting the continuation!

Oh, a wise guy, huh?

Makes **Harborwolf** and **Baldwin** play Larry and Curly to his Moe.

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