# Let's Trade Blows!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 4, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101 "2005-12-04T23:01:51Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/61 "2005-12-06T00:01:33Z")

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> [@Askia](#):
>
> Oh, a wise guy, huh?
> 
> Makes **Harborwolf** and **Baldwin** play Larry and Curly to his Moe.

\<Puts hand between eyes\>Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk

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**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/62 "2005-12-06T00:05:12Z")

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> [@Harborwolf](#):
>
> \<Puts hand between eyes\>Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk

Slaps **Harborwolf** with left hand, then with right, then makes him follow his hand side to side, and up and down before hitting him atop his head.

Now pick up that shovel and finish digging that hole!

I don’t like where this is headed.

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**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/63 "2005-12-06T00:06:48Z")

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> [@Askia](#):
>
> Slaps **Harborwolf** with left hand, then with right, then makes him follow his hand side to side, and up and down before hitting him atop his head.
> 
> Now pick up that shovel and finish digging that hole!
> 
> I don’t like where this is headed.

\<Turns to resume digging and smacks Askia upside the head with the shovel\>

Hey Moe! Why am I digging a hole in a saloon anyways?

Seriously dude. Where’s the Swap story? 😛

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**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/64 "2005-12-06T00:24:28Z")

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> [@Harborwolf](#):
>
> Hey Moe! Why am I digging a hole in a saloon anyways?

Ah, shaddap.

(It’s approximately 120 miles away on my home computer. Now, _hush._)

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**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/65 "2005-12-06T00:58:30Z")

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Crawls out from under jukebox clutching a stack of old 45’s. Bites jagged chunks out of _I Will Survive_ and _The First Cut Is The Deepest_ to form crude shuriken, and hurls them underhand at **Askia** , pinning him to the bar. _Whok-thunk! Whok-thunk!_ Seizes a jar of pickled eggs from the bar, and crowns him with it. _Splunk!_ Bites chunks off _Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap_ and _Whip It_, and glares vengefully around for **KCSuze**.

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/66 "2005-12-06T01:19:06Z")

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\< **Bosda** walks in, wearing saffron-colored Gi \>

My children! Re-achieve harmony! Restore the Cosmic All!

My teachings in Tai Kwan Leep are meant to be used for self-defence **only**!  
…

Ah.

What the hey.  
_ **BOOT TO THE HEAD!** _

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**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/67 "2005-12-06T01:22:40Z")

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\*waits for the right moment, then falls backwards, kicking the charging \*_Sierra Indigo \*\* over him and sending her flying into **Bosda** _

Maybe I should have remembered all the broken glass…Owie owie ow.

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/68 "2005-12-06T01:34:21Z")

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> [@Revenant Threshold](#):
>
> \*waits for the right moment, then falls backwards, kicking the charging \*_Sierra Indigo \*\* over him and sending her flying into **Bosda** _

Who lands his Boot To The Head right in **Sierra** ’s face.

**Sierra** flies through the air, & lands on **Revenant Threshold** , impaling him on broken glass.

\< **Bosda** bows \> You are privaleged to learn so much of the wisdom of Tai Kwan Leep so soon, my children.

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**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/69 "2005-12-06T01:37:53Z")

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> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#):
>
> \< **Bosda** bows \> You are privaleged to learn so much of the wisdom of Tai Kwan Leep so soon, my children.

I would return the favour, and show you the prowess of Run Lak Fek, but sadly I find myself unable _gestures to Sierra, broken glass in spine_

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/70 "2005-12-06T01:40:07Z")

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> [@Revenant Threshold](#):
>
> I would return the favour, and show you the prowess of Run Lak Fek, but sadly I find myself unable _gestures to Sierra, broken glass in spine_

I understand, my son.

Tell me: do you wish to attain Cosmic Oneness, & freedom from material limitations?

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**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/71 "2005-12-06T01:46:51Z")

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\<turns to follow Sierras flying body and smacks Bosda upside the head with the shovel\>

Your Tai Kwan Leep is no match for my Kir Li.

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/72 "2005-12-06T02:07:46Z")

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> [@Harborwolf](#):
>
> \<turns to follow Sierras flying body and smacks Bosda upside the head with the shovel\>
> 
> Your Tai Kwan Leep is no match for my Kir Li.

You are holding the shovel incorrectly, my son.  
Let me show you…\<accepts shovel, bisects **Harborwolf** with shovel\>

This, my son, is a Soviet Spetnatz shovel, and has a cutting edge, as you just learned.

\< Procedes to bury **Harborwolf** ’s remains with shovel\>

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**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/73 "2005-12-06T04:00:40Z")

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(While everyone else is distracted, goes around, picks up objects that would make useful weapons, and adjusts the furniture around his corner so that no one could attack him easily.)

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**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/74 "2005-12-06T04:03:02Z")

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> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#):
>
> You are holding the shovel incorrectly, my son.  
> Let me show you…\<accepts shovel, bisects **Harborwolf** with shovel\>
> 
> This, my son, is a Soviet Spetnatz shovel, and has a cutting edge, as you just learned.
> 
> \< Procedes to bury **Harborwolf** ’s remains with shovel\>

It’s just a flesh wound.

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**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/75 "2005-12-06T04:08:08Z")

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\<Runs in and destroys **Quinn** ’s furniture-bunker with a fire extinguisher, then turns and sprays **Bosda** and **RevThresh** for talking rubbish, before hurling peanuts at everyone else in the room\>

Have at you! Who’s your daddy now?!

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**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/76 "2005-12-06T04:09:31Z")

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\< saunters in carrying a phaser set to wide beam high stun \>

_ZZAPP_

Well, I’d say that quieted things down a bit. We could hear you guys all the way over in Cafe Society, y’know.  
That’d be where I got the phaser, in case you were wondering.

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**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/77 "2005-12-06T04:42:45Z")

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Please! Your puny phaser cannot stand up to my mighty, yet practical, bat’leth! Arrghaghahgh! _impales **Spatial Rift** _

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**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/78 "2005-12-06T07:46:03Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> **Case Sensitive** wrote:  
> Bites chunks off Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and Whip It, and glares vengefully around for KCSuze.

\<looks up from her magazine\>

What? I’m on break.

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**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/79 "2005-12-06T08:25:21Z")

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> [@KCSuze](#):
>
> \<tags **Maastricht** and goes to a corner\>

\<has in the meantime been beaten to a pulp by a **Kythera** in Full Crazed Fighting Mode[sup]TM[/sup], and remains a fashionably unconscious heap in **KCSuze** ’s corner\>

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**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/80 "2005-12-06T08:36:06Z")

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Damn right yer on break, **KCSuze**. Lemme just _extend_ yer break. We’ll start with the fingers. _Crack!_ And the thumbs. _Crunch!_ Broken enough for ya? Let’s see yer turn the pages of yer girly magazine _now_. Har, har!

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