# Let's Trade Blows!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 4, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101 "2005-12-04T23:01:51Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 8

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**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/141 "2005-12-09T03:11:17Z")

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_backs slo-o-owly away from **Askia** _

_throws a sandwich at **Regallag** , smooshes a banana split on top of **KCSuze** _

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**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/142 "2005-12-09T03:16:32Z")

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Okay, we’ll do this like men. I kick you in the nuts, then you kick me in the nuts, and so on, until somebody calls uncle… Ready?

_HRRRUK!_

Hey, don’t get up so fast… You win!

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**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/143 "2005-12-09T03:26:44Z")

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:: Furiously swatting away at flies with axe ::  
Damn! If i only had some kind of flamable liquid… perfahps in a bottle of some kind…  
Ah hah! That’s it!  
:: Takes out a bottle of kerosene and a book of matches ::  
Take this you chitinous bastards!  
:: Fills mouth with kerosene, lights a match, and sptis firey death at the swarm of flies ::  
Owned!

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**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/144 "2005-12-09T03:42:07Z")

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\*pulls up chair, grabs tankard, and watches to see if it’s possible someone may come up with something he hasn’t seen or done before \*

Nope, did that back in '74 against a swarm of bees.

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**Author:** ![AvaB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@AvaB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AvaB)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/145 "2005-12-09T03:42:17Z")

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\*\*AvaB walks in, walks out, and regards charred sign hanging above door. \*\*

Ah, the Drum… mended or broken, chaos reigns.

_Walks back in, then creeps along wall towards bar, removing helmet, armor, assorted weapons from assorted pockets and surreptitiosly donning all (yes, one can surreptitiously don armor), then rolling self in razor wire, leaving arms free._

A Schneider Aventinus for me, please.

_Settles back on stool, pint in hand._

_Clunk!_

Um, ignore me?

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**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/146 "2005-12-09T04:13:15Z")

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Ignore you? Okay then.

Hey, you! Yeah, you over there!  
:: Runs at whoever it was, knocking over **Avab** ’s chair in the process ::

Hey, you wanted to be ignored

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**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/147 "2005-12-09T05:09:45Z")

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Does anyone else hear a faint buzzing?

\<pushes **Kythereia** into a wheelbarrow of pudding\>

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**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\
**Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/148 "2005-12-09T13:51:50Z")

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Okay. Millions of my children lie dead. I’m being ignored. I don’t want to be a fly on the wall in this fight anymore.

\> Grits probiscus, strains mightily. \<

“Hnnnnngggnnnn!”

\> Out pops out a fly turd. \<

Munches on turd. Waits.

\> Returns to normal size. \<

Disgusting, but effective. Hey, **KCSuze!** Smell my finger!

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**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/149 "2005-12-10T00:12:21Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> **Askia** wrote:  
> Disgusting, but effective. Hey, KCSuze! Smell my finger!

Er, no thanks. But I bet **Kythereia** would love to!

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**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/150 "2005-12-10T00:28:01Z")

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OK… Break it up… Return the nibbles… Under Postal Law 46 you all have ten seconds to return to your domiciles…

(unleashes cloud of locusts)

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**Author:** ![call911mfc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@call911mfc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/call911mfc)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/151 "2005-12-10T03:27:56Z")

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\< steps out of the supermarket and wonders why the SWAT van is creeping up the street with lights off and a bunch of guys in black screaming ‘Hut’‘Hut’Hut’ are walking up behind it…that’s when I realize I forgot something in the store and head back in…quick

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**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/152 "2005-12-10T03:41:04Z")

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Heck with it. Runs out behind **call911mfc** and hits him from behind with a 10 lb baloney for no apparent reason.

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**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/153 "2005-12-10T04:04:24Z")

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:: Takes the 10 lb baloney and eats it to gain super powers ::  
…  
:: Nothing happens ::  
…  
Wait for it…  
…  
:: Nothing continues to happen ::  
…  
Okay, maybe eating a 10 lb baloney doesn’t give me super powers. I’ll still whoop ya, though! AAARRGGHH!  
:: Goes back to fighting ::

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**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/154 "2005-12-10T04:12:02Z")

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> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#):
>
> :: Takes the 10 lb baloney and eats it to gain super powers ::  
> …  
> :: Nothing happens ::  
> …  
> Wait for it…  
> …  
> :: Nothing continues to happen ::  
> …  
> Okay, maybe eating a 10 lb baloney doesn’t give me super powers. I’ll still whoop ya, though! AAARRGGHH!  
> :: Goes back to fighting ::

My god you ate a 10 pound baloney. That will surely kill you.  
…  
…  
…

* * *

\_\_/xxxxxx  
\_/xxxxxxxx  
/xxxxxxxxxx\

As he is momentarily distracted drop to 10 Ton weight on his head.

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**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/155 "2005-12-10T04:20:25Z")

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::finishes her amaretto sour and turns ever so slightly in her chair, stretches out her leg, and trips **Regallag\_The\_Axe** who goes flying and lands in **Barbarian’s** lap::

::smiles and orders another amaretto sour::

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**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/156 "2005-12-10T04:25:01Z")

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> [@anyrose](#):
>
> …snip…  
> ::smiles and orders another amaretto sour::

Barkeep, I’ll take another Bass.

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**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/157 "2005-12-10T06:21:59Z")

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Sure thing.

\> Hawks a loogie into drink.\<

Ahhh, don’t act like you don’t enjoy it. I’ve been spittin’ in the drinks since page three.

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/158 "2005-12-10T12:42:18Z")

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\<picks up large, wooden, Three Stooges-type mallet\>  
I’m a victim of _coi_cumstaz! NYUK-NYUK-NYUK!  
\< hits **Askia** with mallet, two handed\>

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**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/159 "2005-12-10T14:51:37Z")

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> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#):
>
> \<picks up large, wooden, Three Stooges-type mallet\>  
> I’m a victim of _coi_cumstaz! NYUK-NYUK-NYUK!  
> \< hits **Askia** with mallet, two handed\>

Cheers \*\*Bosda \*\* on. Goes behind bar and starts serving clean drinks.

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**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-trade-blows/334101/160 "2005-12-10T16:38:18Z")

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_bounds back into the bar and eyeballs what little fighting there still is going on. Ducking a hurled pie, she saunters over to **jrfranchi** and leans over the bar_ Do you serve cowboy cocksuckers?

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